so what?

2. Leapfrog.

2012-02-01T20:50:00.000-08:00

To leapfrog 100 steps forward, I may need to take 10 steps backwards.

No point in getting annoyed in those 10 steps as dey r a part of the leapfrog process.

If I am not happy in taking steps back, I might as well should continue walking step by step; whereever its leading towards.

1. Boat.

2012-02-01T10:04:00.000-08:00

I took a boat to cross the river with a purpose of reaching the bank on the other side. However,
I fell in love with the boat and dint wanna
leave it. I forgot the purpose!!!

Pity, right?

Well, I hav got this body so that I can use it to serve the purpose of life.

What am I really doing?

A significant amount (I shud say all) of time I am investing in its care and maintenance.

One day I have to leave the boat. It will not come along with me. If I leave the boat, before reaching the bank, what better will be the outcome than getting drowned!!

Boat needs to be maintained but not decorated so much so that I am completely involved in loving it.

2. Don't Know...

2012-01-25T04:31:00.000-08:00

Day 1 - I don't know what am I doing?
Day 2 - I don't know what to do?
Day 3 - I don't know what am gonna do?
Day 4 - I don't know how am I gonna do?
Day 5 - I don't know what I did?

1. Khushi.

2012-01-22T10:25:00.000-08:00

Jiske peeche bhaaga, wo kabhi haath nahi aayi, peecha chhodte hi peeche chali aayi,
ajeeb hai ye zindagi, ye zindagi ajeeb hai!!

Paise kamaane ki lat thi, khushi ke liye,
paise aaye par khushi naa aayi,
samajh nahi aaya ki khushi to kahin aur hai,
nahi paise me samaayi,
ajeeb hai ye zindagi, ye zindagi ajeeb hai!!

Pata poocha par pata naa chala,
ki khushi aakhir kise hai mil paayi,
milne waali cheez jo hoti,
saari duniya hoti usey dhondh laayi,
ajeeb hai ye zindagi, ye zindagi ajeeb hai!!

Zindagi se banti hai khushi, khushi se banti zindagi, kya is baat me hai kuch ghehraai,
bheetar hi hai khusiyon ka samandar,
par itni si baat samajh me naa aayi,
ajeeb hai ye zindagi, ye zindagi ajeeb hai!!

Jisne ehsaas kiya is khushi ka,
koi us-sey jaake pooche bhai,
par anubhav ki baat mukh se kaise kahe,
ye baat khud ki hai, nahi paraayi,
khushi ke liye to, karni hai swayam se sagaai, khush hai ye zindagi, ye zindagi khush hai!!

1. Bandar.

2011-11-07T09:05:00.000-08:00

Ae khuda, teri is mayajaal ka raaz bata,
yaha koi bhikari to koi sikandar kyo hai,

khush rehne ki wajah hai sab, wo dukhi hai, gareebi se juz ne waala, mast kalandar kyo hai,

Peene laayak paani ki zarurat hai jaha,
to nadi chhoti aur bade samandar kyo hai,

khuda ne kaha tu bhi to ajeeb hai,
tujhe janam mila manushya ka, mukti paane ko, phir tu ban na chaah raha bandar kyo hai?!!

1. Devil's workshop.

2011-10-16T02:14:00.000-07:00

Here is the famous saying – “An Empty mind is Devil’s workshop”.

Sounds true but then what is a Filled mind?

All it thinks is about its own benefits and for the same it is ready to do anything with anyone at any given time at any cost. All it sees is an opportunity and to exploit that very opportunity to the fullest.

Survival is vital and in many cases like mine, it is nearly a cakewalk (thanks to a wonderful destiny till date). Well, then why think beyond the same? Even if got to think, why think in Devil’s way?

What for and How far!!

As in, what for do all those things at the cost of everything that is really worth enjoying. While saying “everything”, the focus is on relations, love, friendship, peace, etc.

Besides, How far am I gonna go doing all this!

All said and done, the ultimate enquiry is – “Why am I doing all this?”

The theoretical reply could be – “I want to be happy and live a quality life”

Practically – I want to go ahead of others, I want to exploit maximum number of people I can, I want to win all the games, I want to do everything that everyone does, I want to explore all possible opportunities, I want to perform everything that is considered “evil” yet want to be in the “good” books of the entire world.

All this for happiness?

Devil doesn’t allow me to reply this as he instructs me that there’s a lot pending in the workshop

Bye Bye!

2. Satisfaction.

2011-09-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

On a clichéd note –Where is the satisfaction? How to be satisfied? What can generate satisfaction?

Too many answers, yet none…

One sentence that takes a stroll on the mind though... Am I satisfied with the Satisfaction of Identity? Or Am I satisfied with the Satisfaction of happiness?

Some drill-down needed???

Satisfaction of Identity is something that overpowers the satisfaction of happiness.

Too ambiguous??? Umm, an example may work…

For instance, I want to purchase a motor-cycle and this is going to be the first motor-cycle of my life. However, all these days I was against motor-cycle and would curse the vehicle. Now at this point, I myself feel like buying one (due to change in opinion or whatever) and as a result of which I feel that I would be satisfied. I go for it. This is the satisfaction of happiness.

Well, it’s not that straight forward. After the above thought, another one may crop up questioning –What will people say? Your image was always of an anti-motor-cycle personality. What about that image / identity then? I end up now buying one. This is the satisfaction of identity.

Well additionally, I may also think that there can be a middle way where in I can satisfy both. In conjunction to the same example above, I may buy a motor-cycle while also defend my change of opinion by saying that it’s not-so-dangerous anymore, the roads are safe, speeds are less and what not. Umm, do I think that people around me are morons to feel proud about the above mentioned reasoning?

If I chose to be happy, I should be ok with the dissatisfaction of identity and be bold and straight enough to confess and accept that opinions do

1. Khabar.

2011-09-06T07:32:00.000-07:00

Manzil ka thikaana nahi,
bas raha hun din raat guzar,
kaha jaana kuch pata nahi,
kaisa hai ye safar.

Apne aap ko naa pehchaane,
chhahee hai behoshi is kadar,
saans chal rahi hai, par jee raha
hun ya nahi ye nahi khabar.

Kab tak chalega aise,
is baat ki bhi nahi fikar,
maut ko dekhke bhi,
uspe se hat jaati hai nazar.

Marte hoge log saare,
par main to rahunga sada amar,
ye soch ke beet raha din mahina
saal, aur beetegi saari umar
:-(

1. Prelude to "The Fourth Purpose".

2011-08-27T07:30:00.000-07:00

I believe, everything in life is attached to a purpose.

Life is divided by serving various purposes, at least one – Survival, the first and foremost for all and the only purpose for many.

The other purposes however don’t sideline the “Survival”. It is rooted any which ways.

Net-net, lemme consider survival as the first purpose of life. I am guessing that most of us are here to survive, if not anything else. I may be wrong but that’s an open ended discussion. Period.

Well, this purpose is simple-to-serve, when I think of things in my control. The debate is again open to the previous statement where some may feel that there is nothing in anyone’s control whereas the other group may feel that all the things can be planned as desired and most can be controlled as per the plan.

Ok. Let me sound random and consider that I have made all the arrangements to “Survive”. I am happy to learn that I am gonna “Survive”. Is that all? What to do further? Purposeless life ahead then? Oops, that doesn’t quite work for me. Hence, I hunt for the next purpose that can be described by many words but the first one that comes to my mind is – “Identity”. The other synonymous words in this context are Status, Esteem, Ego, Respect, Fame, Name, Money, Character, Specialization, Off-beat, Unique, Persona, etc.

The second purpose doesn’t look simple as the first one. It’s more of divided into a numerous ones. Let’s take an example. Once I have built up my identity in the society with regards to something special that I possess, I may either wanna expand the identity further in terms of geographical reach or wanna add more to the specialization / be known by another one or both of the above.

For instance, If I compose a book and circulate amongst my near dear ones, the purpose is served but since I have scope and time, I may wanna circulate it further. Besides, I may wanna write another book (or develop some other skill) and exhibit the same to my near dear ones. Moreover, I may strive towards both i.e. writing another book and spreading it further.

Most of my life passes by serving the second purpose which takes me on a ride. I want to be constantly known amongst all as someone by virtue of something that I possess (or pretend to possess).

Well, it might be possible that one fine day (or may be at the very beginning) narrow down everything related to my identity to one particular thing, let’s say – A Philanthropist.

Guess, the second purpose is served and life is set.

Not so soon buddy. The third purpose is already in making and I shall casually term it as – “Maintaining the second purpose for the rest of life”. I wanted to write maintaining and enhancing but had I used the word “enhancing”, I would still be on the second purpose. I am growth oriented thinker hence I chose to transcend.

Have I ever thought of transcending a bit more and hunt for the fourth purpose?

What is the fourth purpose? Do I need a fourth purpose? If yes, why?

Well, I don’t have answers to the questions above but If I am happy, peaceful and contented with serving the three purposes, It’s my choice to live with it.

What if I am happy and peaceful but not really contended? Umm, that doesn’t really work I believe cos as soon as I have a feeling of discontentment, happiness and peace vanishes.

Anyhow, the discussion is around “The Fourth Purpose”; a need which is a result of exasperation in serving the One or two or all the three purposes described above.

To be continued…

3. My Duties.

2011-07-30T07:47:00.000-07:00

While I initiate this topic, I get a feeling from within that how I can distinguish between these duties. The reason is pretty straight. When it comes to analysing the duties towards my family, I always consider myself as a part of some organization or the other. Organization here can be anything like Social, Spiritual, National, Envionmental, etc. To elaborate, the duties towards my family are always connected to the duties towards Society, Religion, Enviornment and Nation.
Anyhow, despite such feelings, I would still like to go ahead and kind of distinguish the duties, with an exception of blending them when required. Money, today, is a vital necesity of life and the elder ones are totally engrossed in minting the same as seen nowadays. Ofcourse, its a part of duty towards the family but besides earning money, one can give more time for the family and strengthen the bonding and love.
At this age, I cannot earn for my family but yes I can certainly assist my parents in household work, co-operation and covering all the stuff that I can do with my potential. I can be good, do good and spread the good word. However, it may sound like I am doing nothing for the society and nation. I am more of dedicating maximum time of my life with my individual and family related duties.
If I spare some more time (which I can as there is always a scope) and put little but significant efforts, I can do so many things for different Organizations I do or do not belong to. I can help the Government build up the infrastructure of my country. Also, I can contribute for environment by spreading the green revolution viz. saying NO to plastics, planting trees and so on and so forth. If I inspire my parents to pay proper taxes, I can go ahead and indirectly support the Government in raising funds which will eventually improvethe infrastructure of the country. I can promote education to eradicate corruption as a result of which the money can be utilized at the right place at the right time. This will take care of my duty towards "Nation".
If I shed some of my pocket-money, I can use it for any social cause(s), I can help the needy to reduce their worries. Besides, I can assist the kids of my maid servent in their education, can help them with study material and stationery. Also, I can help the needy people in the society by dedicating time and channelizing the resources and potential. This will take care of my "Social" duties.
Above all, I can request my parents to use some money for Spiritual growth of Self and others. I can assist people to go ahead in Spiritual path by traveling and sharing some of the spiritual knowledge I have. I term that as the knowledge of Life. As a part of "Human" duty, I have a feeling that Spiritual growth is essential and its all about Living Life happily and peacefully.
Concluding, I feel that the duties are all connected and interwoven. I just need to organize the time and channelize the potential and it can all be done smoothly. As mentioned above some duties are done indirectly but they still have an impact. For instance, if I start throwing the trash in a dust bin instead of putting on the road, few people might get inspired to do so and the chain reaction is inevitable. Similarly, if I lead an ideal and disciplined life, it's an excellent start of fulfilling my duties and it's said that well-beginning is half done. Hence, I urge each one of us to join me in creating a world that is peaceful, hygenic, beautiful and full of love. Thank you all for being so patient and listening to this small piece. Thank you!!

2. Naam-e-Zindagi.

2011-07-18T09:44:00.001-07:00

Apne astitva ko saabit karne me,
bitaata hai saara jeevan insaan,

Par astitva chhod, karib har cheez ki,
ho jaaati hai usey pehchaan,

Is tarah, ek din tab aa jaata hai,
zindagi ka wo aakhri makaam,

Mit jaati hai hasti,
reh jaata hai to sirf ek hi nishaan,

Jise leke wo chalta hai saari zindagi,
dubne deta nahi, bhale hi chhin jaaye praan,

Lag jaata hai jeevan ka saara samay banane me jisey,
reh jaata uske jaane pe, bas wo "naam"

1. Today.

2011-07-05T04:40:00.000-07:00

I was sipping a coffee while the office boy just happened to pass by. Looking at me, he smiled. We had never interacted but looking at his smile, I was amazed and before I could get another thought, I smiled back and said – Good Morning Dost! (Dost is Friend in Hindi).

Good Morning sir – was the response he gave as he had already started walking.

Next morning, the same incident repeated and resulted in a Dejavu like feeling.

The third morning – I said, Good Morning Dost! And added – How are you doing today?

I am fine as always sir but I have something to say. I started getting weird thoughts but before they would last longer he continued – Sir, I really don’t understand the kind of work you guys do but I have observed one thing that everyone here seems to be dissatisfied. I really fail to understand that despite having such a nice work environment, laptops, phone, music, coffee and lunches, what makes one feel discontented with life?

This was getting interesting. While he took a pause, I counter-questioned him – What makes you feel that we all are unhappy? Or is it the case that you are feeling happier and content than what we are?

Sir, beg your pardon but I really feel I am happier than all of you

How?

I won’t be able to express fully but what I experience is most of the times I possess a beautiful feeling in my heart and I live that feeling persistently. I have limited and I am enjoying that fully whereas you guys have unlimited and are hardly enjoying anything even partially.

Well, who said we are not enjoying completely? Tell me – Do you enjoy what you do for your earning?

He was silent for a while and then replied after a deep breath – Sir, I like what I am supposed to do because this is what I have chosen to do given the limited options that I had.

Now that’s what happens with the frog in a well, I said. The well is the whole world for him. He doesn’t want to explore the horizons. He is reluctant to scale heights. On top of all, he feels he is the king of the well and thinking the same, he spends his entire life in the well and one day passes away unnoticed!!

Sir, Is it really worth getting noticed after one passes away from this planet?

Well, that’s not where I want to lead this conversation to – I jumped in.

Sorry to interrupt you sir – Could you please tell me, what exactly are you looking forward to in life?

Dude, I have so many aspirations that I am fulfilling day-in-day-out. I have progressed over a period of time and have reached a point today where very few people have managed to reach. Isn’t it worth an achievement?

From the bottom of heart, how many people do really appreciate and recognize this, Sir?

Well, the organization recognizes.

Sir, Are you really happy with the kind of recognition you always get?

Well, not always

Most of the times, then?

Umm, many times I am left unrecognized as well but yes, whenever I get recognized I am happy about it.

So, the equation goes this way – You work relentlessly for your organization. You are happy only when you are recognized. Unfortunately, the recognition happens only at a few instances.

Hey dude, recognition is on the top of my salary. I get my salary every month, nevertheless.

And that makes you happy and complete, sir?

Well, yes, of course!

Then, what is this recognition needed for?

To be honest, Salary is something which all my colleagues earn. To earn more respect and fame than others, I need to be recognized

Does that mean Sir that you aren’t complete with the salary you earn?

As I told you, that’s mundane now. I have scope so why not strive for more?

And more for?

What do you mean, more for?

Sorry sir, I mean to ask – What is this more for?

More to earn name, fame, money, respect, esteem, reputation, etc etc?

And as a result of all this?

Moron! As a result of all this, just be HAPPY and live a peaceful life.

When?

What When?

When will you be happy and live a peaceful life?

May be, well.. ummm…

TODAY?

No ways, not TODAY dude. Have loads to finish. Appraisals are coming up.

Ok sir, have a constructive day. Apologies for taking your valuable time of life.

No worries buddy, it was a thought provoking conversation. I shall think about it in my free time someday in future. You too have a good day. Sorry, I wish I could use the word ‘constructive’ for you.

I am glad sir. Well, I would like to have a happy and peaceful day TODAY like any other day I usually spend. Cheers!

4. Bikhre paththar.

2011-06-25T19:33:00.001-07:00

Is jahaan me fankaar khud hai, apni koi visaat nahi,
Kala ke kadardaano ki meherbaani hai, warna apni koi aukaat nahi :)

Aaj ki subah ek paigaam leke aayi hai,
sharaab puraani hai, naya jaam leke aayi hai, nasha to wahi hai to kal tha, kal hoga,
jiyo to aise maano aakhri salaam leke aayi hai :-)

Difficult to define a tear,
can be out of happiness, grief or fear,
sometimes it comes out for the ones we don't like, while sometimes its for those who are very dear :)

3. Excel.

2011-06-20T08:29:00.001-07:00

It is said tht. . to excel in something, it needs 10000hrs of rigorous practice nd polishin. considerin n hour a day, it sums up to a lil less dan 30 yrs. Godd!! seriosly gotta think have i been polishin myself jus an hour a day for past 3 decades to turn out to be an excellent human being???

2. Tamanna.

2011-06-17T10:54:00.001-07:00

Tamannaao ka samundar khada kar diya jab zaroorat thi ek boond ki,
tairte tairte kho gaye hum, naa mili boond, naa rahi zindagi :-)

1. Khuda.

2011-06-06T21:12:00.001-07:00

Khuda ne aakar kaha - maang bande,
Aaj khuda khud tere saamne haazir hai.
banda bola - ae khuda! tu luta sakta hoga sab kuch,
par hum bhi apne aap me mast fakir hai!!

2. Fan or A/c

2011-05-27T00:11:00.001-07:00

Mumbai heat is really catching up. Since few days, even nights aren't pleasant anymore. I am kinda ok with the heat but while sleeping, do love if there is a cosy environment. Due to this, I feel like switching on the fan. However, I don't much like to be under the fan for the whole night, hence after a while, I switch off assuming that some air is already circulated and it will make me feel comfortable for a while. Unfortunately, as soon as I switch of the fan, I feel the same I did before I switched it on.

The next option is to switch on the air-conditioner. This works well since after a 15 minute of air-conditioning the bedroom, the atmosphere stays for quite some time.

What do I really do when I want to listen and implement some vital things in life -be it spiritual, behavorial, goal-oriented, etc?

Most of the times I act like a fan. While listening, I am all set to implement but as soon as the listening gets over (Fan switched off), I am back to square one.

I think I should attempt to listen in the a/c mode :)

1. Kinaara.

2011-05-26T23:54:00.001-07:00

Kinaare pe baithke Toofano ki baatein mat kar,
Hosla badha, kashti ko le, Samadar me utar,
Hoga so hoga, kyon karta hai tu fikar,
Sochte hi raha to, Kinaare me kat jaayega safar!!

8. Darmiyaan.

2011-04-18T09:55:00.000-07:00

Nahi hai kuch bhi tere mere darmiyaan,
phir kyu mehsoos ho rahi hai nazdikiyaan,
milte nahi hum, phir bhi darr hai faaslon ka,
banti mit ti rehti hai teri parchaaiyan

Shor aur Goonj me bhi hai khamoshiyaan,
Bheed ke saath badh rahi hai tanhaaiyaan,
Dil chahta hai kuch kehna, cheekhna, chillana,
Apne aap se bhi ho nahi rahi hai sargoshiyan

7. Lyrics.

2011-04-14T21:49:00.001-07:00

I love to remember lyrics of selected Bollywood songs. Many do. No deal.

However, just recollected while talking to a friend that there was a time when the list of selected was pretty long. As and when the time passed, the list started getting shorter.

Way back in 1994-95, I did remember almost all or atleast quite a few songs from Akele hum akele tum, Rangeela, 1942: A love story, Hum aapke hai kaun so on and so forth.

Nearly two decades have passed and while I sway on ‘maine ye kab socha tha…’ today, I still get a similar feeling.

Heyyyy…hoooo…heeyyiii…yaaa…yee….ooo….maine ye kab socha tha, hoga yun kabhi, raah me yu mil jaayege do ajnabee…

TGIF else I would have taken a leave ;)

6. Zaroorat.

2011-04-11T01:47:00.000-07:00

do waqt ka khaana, chain ki neend, itni hi zaroorat ho to kya baat hai,
par hum bhaagte, sote aur jaagte, khade kiye khudne hi aise haalaat hai,
kehte hum sabhiko, chahiye sukh aur sukun, dhan ityaadi to uljhan hai,
karte viprit, jo nahi uchit, jeevan ke ant tak dhan-maan hi apni kaaynaat hai !!!

5. Priority.

2011-04-09T03:21:00.000-07:00

Way back in earlier part of the twentieth century, during the struggle for independence, achieving freedom was the utmost priority. Rather, it was the necessity. Freedom was as important as breathing.

A person (‘freedom fighter’ was more of a tag, it was true with probably each and every citizen of the nation) about to sit for his dinner (or in midst of anything significant / insignificant activity) would leave everything and rush for the freedom campaign on realizing that the call has arrived. There were no mobiles, no televisions, no facebooks, just a call from a next door was more than enough. The call would be as straight and simple as – “We need to gather for a meet against the British Raaj”. That was all!!

Today, the situation is quite different. I need to be at my comfort and mark my calendar for the campaign in the nearby area and that too if some so called exigency occurs, I may chose to opt out thinking that there are so many who can attend instead of me. Me not attending won’t make a big difference and moreover, is the campaign really gonna make some sense? I mean, I am quite ok with the lifestyle I live and the comfort zone I enjoy.

How can I afford to take a day or a half off just for attending the campaign? What is my boss gonna say? I have to think regarding the dependence on this job over the independence from corruption. If it’s a weekend, family and outings is a priority simply cos I don’t feel the need for getting rid off the corruption as I am quite used to the same or maybe, I am ok with it as anyways my work is getting done without much hassles.

Besides, If I fight for corruption, it’s such a deep and wide racket that probably my life would come to an end but not the corruption; rather I am so pessimist that forget about ending the corruption even the beginning to the end of the corruption would not initiate by then.

The need, thirst, hunger is lacking. While I crib about the politicians being corrupt. I am a bigger one supporting them in any which ways.

For me survival is everything. For them, independence from British Raaj was everything. This is the difference.

4. Parents.

2011-04-08T01:49:00.000-07:00

One of my friends had penned this down. I did some modifcations.

Well now that the parents have left for our hometown, I am sitting alone ay my apartment and reckoning the past 2 beautiful weeks that I spent with them. I actually deep-dived thinking did I really spent time with them? With the new job on the platter plus the long working hours, didn’t get really some relaxed and quantifiable time with the parents to talk to them; to feel and experience them comprehensively.
Yesterday, I took them to a local mall. While they were holding my hands, we entered slowly and as they were inquisitively looking everywhere, I could see the proud feeling in their eyes. They look around at the new things, well dressed people, and the environment and meanwhile, I could take a wild guess that their hearts are full of love and pride thinking that not only their kid is doing well, but also the nation is developing. Looking at the wonderful attires and showroom, I had tears in my eyes as I have always seen them in a couple of pairs all their life. I immediately rushed and did some shopping for them. I was super happy and so were they.

Sometimes I feel that the parents at our stage of life become what we were during our childhood. It’s something like a role reversal. Parents gradually tend to become kids asking for answers and we may or may not care to give them one. At this point, I am experience the reminiscence of a wonderful book called “Tuesdays with Morrie”.

Further, I held their fingers and looked at the world with an amazing confidence. It was a breathtaking moment. They actually wanted to hold my hand and move around. I realized this when I peeped into their eyeballs after holding the hand.

I very well remember that, I was scared of taking new steps to an unknown direction and would look at my parents as if I am most in this huge world. My mom felt the same when she had to take an escalator and at that point in time she was looking forward to tighten the grip of my hand. It was indeed a great feeling for me as if I was driving her to the path of glory. I was not able to figure out whether I am growing old or my parents are becoming too old.

Today an evergreen looking youth is growing old and gradually will start having grey hairs. One thing that strikes my mind is that I need to spend more and more time with my parents while I feel I am still not-too-old now and I need to do a good time management especially when I am spending relatively less time with parents, who are above God as they directed me towards the almighty. Had they not been around, I would have not existed.

3. Marriage, Sex and beyond.

2011-04-07T01:16:00.001-07:00

In here like, Marriage is a knot. It’s more about controlling each other. Obviously, there is a lot of love but eventually a lot of boredom too.

If I ask a married couple – Are you guys bored of each other? What would be the actual reply? I am not talking about the said reply. There might be some hesitation to accept the truth but just by the virtue of not accepting, truth doesn’t change. And it’s not that boredom is eternal. There are phases. Like with everything, there are.

Just as an example – After few months of marriage, physical relations are no more fantasizing to that extent. I am specially focusing on the physical relation thing cos that’s something which is the most-craved-for delicacy in a married life. Ok, coming back to the thought. Interest gradually decreases but craving certainly stays.

That very part of Life becomes like a chewing gum. No juice, but still sticking on to each other. Trying different ways works until sometime but there is always an end to it.

The way one wants to change clothes, restaurants, hobbies, interiors, exteriors, CHANGE becomes evident in this sport too.

This change is longed but not opted. There are these walls that don’t let one opt – Walls viz. Society norms, Self-ego, Fear, Notions, Religious labels, Look-Good funda, etc…

Some or all of these walls don’t let one cross the limits but the desire, the yearning still persists. The patience is treated at the superficial level but the disease prevails.

In this kashmakash (dilemma), Life moves on and the frustration, agitation piles up and eventually the gap increases. Enters, taken-for-granted feeling.

Life, although complete at the exterior, creates a black hole in the interior. Apparently, Life turns out to be hostile despite possessing everything that is needed to LIVE.

The hunt for the solution starts becoming aggressive.

Some find love outside… Some give up… Some rejuvenate by some or other means… Some resume with frustration… Some take their life for granted… Some take their partner’s life for granted… Some take so called practical approaches of separation et al… Some just overlook personal life and poke into the world… and what not!

Chances are bright that everything gets screwed up but since almost everyone is a sane human being (or pretends to be one), doesn’t quite express on the face and almost everyone feels about each other that all the families rather couples are better off and they are the saddest of the lot. Their life is at turmoil and will remain to be. One breathes but forgets to LIVE.

PS: Net-net, there is no one solution to any issue. There are multiple options to be happy, stay happy. Just need to explore…

2. Happy, Right?

2011-04-06T02:14:00.000-07:00

In relations, what is Important? To be happy or to be right? I believe, predominantly to be happy. Some may say -Why not both? Well, I feel in striving for both (as Both may seldom be achievable), I more of fool myself and look for being right and as a result of being right, happy. At times, I may be happy with the relation but not always happy with the person and the probable logic is -The person feel that he / she is right and as a result of that, I possess this intrinsic feeling that when my counterpart is right, I am bound to be wrong. Can I sometime feel like agreeing with what is right in his / her perspective? I believe that in doing so, the first feeling I may have is a Ego hurt. Taking a step further, if I just look at the happiness of my counterpart, who is actually happy in being right, what can I do? I can choose complement his / her happiness and be happy about it, isn't it? Difficult to digest but worth a try. I tried, I enjoyed. Not sure, if I shall try again :) Any which ways, at this point in time, I am happy and I think its right to be happy and it's my right to be happy. :)

1. Sapna.

2011-04-04T23:13:00.000-07:00

hum sapno me kho gaye,
khuli aankhon se so gaye...

socha tha, karna hai bahot kaam,
mann kiya, karle pehle thoda aaram,
manzil hai dur, safar hai lamba,
aaram karne se raah hogi aasaan...

hum sapno me kho gaye,
khuli aankhon se so gaye...

ek baar nikle to keval aage hai badhna,
rukna nahi mudna, oonchiyon pe chadhna,
ye sochke behal gaya mann, aa gaya josh,
manzil thi saamnne, na hua tha shuru chalna...

hum sapno me kho gaye,
khuli aankhon se so gaye...

sapne haseen, par beet raha samay,
aaj hi kal me bas le lena hai nirnay,
aisa sochte sochte aa gaya wo din,
mit gaya sab kuch, jab aaya pralay...

hum sapno me kho gaye,
band hui aankhen, hum so gaye...

2. Survival.

2011-03-23T23:10:00.000-07:00

I want to believe and implement -At the end of the day, everyone survives; be it a king be it a pawn, be it a priest be it a don. How does one wanna survive is an individual though process. The people who choose to be happy and peaceful, remain happy and peaceful no matter what.

1. Saans.

2011-03-16T11:14:00.000-07:00

Zindagi ke dariya me behte, koi hosh nahi hota, ho mashgool jaata hai
Kaanton se lagi chot ki usko parva nahi hoti, kyonki wo phool chahta hai
Chubhte rehte hai zindagi bhar usko, phir bhi phool se nazar nahi hataata hai
Ye sab chakkar me insaan saans to lete rehta hai, par jeena bhool jaata hai!

3. Aspect.

2011-02-17T07:12:00.001-08:00

Why do people who already seem to be happy still don’t feel the happiness in it’s entirety? I believe it’s because happiness is never assumed to be in it’s entirety. It’s always been considered as the aspect.

A multi-millionaire might feel proud and happy about the wealth and prosperity in his possession but on the other hand, he may be sad about his looks or physical appearance.

Lets say some one is extra-ordinarily rich, good looking, dynamic, multi-talented and a loving person. Still, he might be craving for more in the said areas as well as beyond.

Net-net it’s all in the aspect and aspects are unlimited if not infinite. Hence, till the time happiness is believed to be in aspects or means, it cannot be experienced as a whole. Well, to an extent it can be experienced in intervals and that too depending on the state of conscious and subconscious minds.

2. Pace.

2011-02-17T07:09:00.001-08:00

While I travel in a slow train and a fast train passes by on another parallel track I do feel bad that it has moved ahead of me and shall reach faster. Subsequently, each passing fast train makes me feel worse and beyond.

Well, at times when I travel by fast train and as it overtakes each slow train on the parallel track, I feel happy thinking that I shall reach ahead of the competition

The direction is same and the destination too but a feeling of reaching faster makes me feel happy and that of reaching slower makes me feel sad.

What if the destination is the death? Would I like to be slower or faster? Also, am I running, walking or crawling towards the ultimate destination of this life?

1. Incomplete.

2011-02-17T07:08:00.001-08:00

Whenever I think of anything that can make me happy, I do feel that the complete happiness is in the achievement of the same; achievement in the sense the climax or in other words, the peak point.

While I am traveling towards being completely happy, I do feel nice on my way, however the craving of being complete (completely happy) at the sub-conscious level overshadows the on-the-way nice feeling.

Besides the moment of climax makes me feel complete and completes the happiness there and then itself.

The next ‘craving’ of being happy has already begun and so has my voyage of being complete once again.

2. The Experience.

2011-01-28T10:39:00.001-08:00

Why do I want to travel several miles to cater to needy people with food, clothes and vessels? In a country of 117 million people with per capita income of mere 1000 USD /year, where a majority live below poverty line, what difference am I gonna make by spending a day or 2 in entire year and understanding their situation?

Probably, I will wish that such situation never arises in this life and others to come; perhaps, I might avert grumbling for a couple of days about the things that I don’t have or possibly I will pray for their betterment for a few days, while also seeking strength and courage for myself incase I fall in such a situation.

The biggest and the most hidden of all maybe I can boast the activity to whomsoever I come across by making others feel that I have executed one of the most complex and challenging tasks without any selfish motive. The other way of bragging could be to talk about a selfish motive of seeking their love and blessings by just being with them for an entire day and making a purposeful day for self in a one-track life where I crave to do something different to look unique in the eyes of my near-dear ones.

Having said all the above, I still would go ahead and pat on my back by quoting that despite having other options to entertain myself, I did chose this one with a reason of gaining peace, bliss and self-satisfaction.

Undeniably, it was a soothing event that was pioneered with an extensive willingness to execute the entire activity and involved an immense amount of preparations, sincere and dedicated team-work, strong thrust towards the purpose of serving the mankind, crafting an efficient project plan and implementing it to the best possible level by investing the raw material of time, efforts, money and resources through the medium of body, mind, heart and soul.

Most definitely, I would like to continue with these activities with multiple purposes viz. being a small reason of generating smiles and pacifying hearts; experiencing the peace within and above all, to get connected to the self.

To achieve many things in the materialistic, I forget to ‘LIVE’ those moments while I am in the process of achieving whereas this can be one reason where I can ‘LIVE’ and experience the best of ‘LIFE’ without any materialistic achievement.

1. Basic.

2011-01-05T18:42:00.001-08:00

After a breath-taking experience over a period of last 4 days, while I take a shower cleaning my external dirt, I realize that I have already started accumulating the dirt on my interior, the area which I had attempted to cleanse and thought of continuing the cleansing process.

However, as nothing goes in vain, this internal pilgrimage also does leave me with a fruitful (to an extent) self-experience.

These are opportunities where people like me get cut-off from the external world to a greater extent and have a chance to peep into the undiscovered peace and bliss. During most of the earlier such opportunities, I had been putting efforts to stabilize myself and getting into the inner self. This time I attempted something new. I was just observing things as they come and be almost non-judgmental on most of the things happening. Rather, I would feel the things “happening” and allow them to happen.

The conversations around the way of life, survival, infinite potential, state of non-comparison with others, being and living as per own definitions, setting a goal which I want to set rather than what the world feels it, coming out of the stereotypical mentality of accumulating all possible money by all possible means, so on and so forth were pretty stimulating and thought provoking.

Everything is a mind game and to initiate with the implementation on the above, I got to train the mind to act according to way I want it to behave. For this, knowing the breathing pattern and concentrating on it throughout certainly would help in all the situations especially those hyper ones pertaining to agony, excitement, stress, etc.

These are some basic level things which are of utmost importance for success. To transcend from the existing way of life, the first and foremost need is to start implementing the desired way of life from the scratch rather than just going ga-ga over theories. As an analogy, I want to construct a new building while getting rid off the old one. Will I extend the floors above the roof top or do I need to demolish the existing structure, clean up the debris, dig deeper and build the base and from thereon start constructing the new structure?

Doesn’t matter if I have spent years in the futile attempt of extending the floors, I can still attempt to start demolishing the existing structure.

1. (Extra)Ordinary.

2010-12-25T10:23:00.000-08:00

All I crave in life is being extra-ordinary, showing off extra-ordinary and living it up extra-ordinary.

Besides, I want an extra-ordinary group of people around (although I strive to prove them ordinary), an extra-ordinary family and overall an extra-ordinary relationship with an extra-ordinary soulmate

Well well well, I take like ages in selecting (may be a wierd word but an apt one too) the soulmate that is extra-ordinary. Coincidentally, I find one too.

Alas! soon (not-so-soon for some and some-time-later for some) he / she becomes ordinary as the relationship becomes ordinary. Eventually, life becomes ordinary and since gradually everything around is turning it to be ordinary, I attempt to catch-up with the race of getting extra-ordinary.

Today-owned extra-ordinary assets, tomorrow (most of the times literally and if not in a few days/weeks/months) becomes ordinary and day-after I resume to get something else that is extra-ordinary as I don't have the potential of extra-ordinary turned ordinary things to make extra-ordinary again.

I boast about being extra-oridinary but saying that I am an ordinary being but the irony is I happily categorize myself as ordinary waiting for some one to come and categorize me as extra-ordinary. Unfortunately, this is not the climax and the today-tommorow-day-after cycle continues as mentioned in the paragraph above.

2. The World's Fastest Indian.

2010-11-24T05:57:00.000-08:00

Last night I happened to experience last one hour of "The World's Fastest Indian", a 2005 New Zealand biographical film based on the Invercargill, New Zealand speed bike racer Burt Munro and his highly modified Indian Scout motorcycle. While I appreciate Sir Anthony Hopkins' performance, I was really amazed visualizing the life and passion of the historical Burt Munro.

I don't wanna discuss the movie as it's simply worth witnessing to rejuvenate the vigor within. However, I can't resist mentioning one sequence that absolutely reflects the hunger and passion of the legend.

Due to the heat generated from bike at higher speeds, the likelihood of his legs getting burnt had increased and hence he was advised to put asbestos filters on both his legs. However because of the cramped leg room in the motorcycle the legs covered with asbestos wouldn't fit in. Hence he decided to go with asbestos on just one leg. His folks were concerned and asked him not not take such a step as one of his leg might get roasted to the fullest possibility due to the amount of heat anticipated. To which he replied - "I have a spare one".

The passion of the soul killed the lust for his own body. Phenomenal.

1. Fiction.

2010-11-19T06:15:00.001-08:00

Why don’t you pen down something in fiction – a short story or a novel or something?

Well, no one has asked me this question hence I asked my self and thought of writing something. The first thought that struck my mind was Love story. Nature reflects well. Anyhow, the next popping thought was - what kind of love story it could be? Two guys and a gal, Two gals and a guy, N gals and N guys, A guy and a gal with egoistic parents, just 2 guys, post-marriage break-up, Love one-Marry other-meet again. Enough! Well, my conclusion was - most of the love story concepts are either written or else they are quite stupid. Writing on the lines of already written might sound clichéd. The stupid ones obviously I wanna stay away with.

It was a good idea to take the love story idea out of mind and concentrate on another genre. Suspense. This sounds amazing. Impalpable ideas started hitting the corners of my mind and before I get to the core of it, I would get lost. Suspense is not your cup of tea, dude. Well it’s still a suspense – Who said the above line. I move on to next variety, nevertheless.

Comedy is the word that made me smile and I got a peppy feeling of making my pen run on the paper with bloating ideas on the comic events happenings and occasions. The only ingredient that was missing was a STORY. Two friends and their girlfriends plus a comedy of errors sounds pretty naïve whereas humor related to extra-marital affairs may result in a tacky outcome. Probably some multi-meaning script may work but then it would be too slapstick rather. Off-color was not the area I wanted to touch upon. Infact, humor was eventually something I felt I should give up.

Ghosts and re-incarnations is fiction within a fiction so don’t even want to give it a shot. All said and done, the time was to think beyond Love, Suspense, Comedy, Ghosts and re-incarnations.

Before I stress my brains anymore, I decided to stretch a bit by taking a stroll. As I peep out of my balcony, what I see is an 8 year old child is twisting hands of another similar aged boy and there it starts. They fight cats and dogs. Hey, why am I concentrating on their fight; it’s time to get back to my story. As my eyeballs set on the paper still looking like a clear sky, my blue sky thinker mind was still hovering over the action packed sequence. No marks for guessing but I was up and set for an action packed adventure. Soon the conjunction between up and set vanished and I turned upset as I was not able think beyond fights.

How do the greatest of fiction authors do it ya? Well, nothing is working for me – Love, Suspense, Comedy, Action – all futile. Enough is enough, no point in thinking further. Let me just put the pen and paper off the shelf and shelve the idea of developing a fabricated story. Time to take a short break and move on to something else buddy!
The next best thing to do was switching on the TV – the most effortless entertainment I believe. As I switched on, the running strip and the video being exhibited were displaying a murder story. Am I still thinking STORY STORY? Yes! And hey, Eureka! I was all set to pen down the most complex murder mystery of the world that might just create history. This was the best fiction genre of the world that had suspense, thrill, drama, action mystery and above all love & violence.

Two friends - One girl - Love triangle. Passion results in murder – huh! Pretty clichéd

Two brothers – Property dispute – One of them snatching away. Greed results in revenge and murder – I have already started yawning. What about readers?

Business magnets – Cut-throat competition – Rivalry – Setting up plan to get ahead of each other. Hunger results in murder. – This appears everyday in newspapers. What is new on my platter?

A common man entrapped by a dictator-type personality in village – Saga of sufferings – Faces murder charge – Life sentence – Freed after 14 years – Come back with a vengeance. Murder in public and surrender. Alas! Totally on one track.

Psycho killer on the move – Attractive personality – Traps females – False commitments – Murders them and vanishes. Too yucky!!!

Underworld – Clash of the Dons – Who will rule – Bloodbaths. Sounds more like an encyclopedia of murders

Political warfare. The first word itself is worse than a murder. Nothing to say further.

By now, I am totally out of my mind and need some peace. I am really far better-off with my non-fictional compositions.

2. Need and "To-Do".

2010-10-25T11:26:00.000-07:00

As I write down my need list, the first thing that comes into my mind is a lavish 3BHK apartment that can make me feel content in life. To satisfy this "need", I start penning down a "to-do" list that mainly focusses on all the modes of making money, saving targets and approaching the ultimate objective as above.

On 24/10, I came to know a varied definition of "need" when I visited a few downtrodden places located a couple of hundred kilometers from Mumbai, the name that immediately creates a lavish feeling in practically everyone's mind as it is termed as a city where one can dream of everything and achieve anything. Coming to my experience, I would like to pen down a few things about my day visit to Mokhada and a few villages in there.

It is a mix of many things viz. Motivation, Empathy, Grief, Frustration, Eye opening facts, Eye-witnessing the definition of "Need", How a Social service should be defined, What is the difference between visiting an old age or orphanage entertaining them with movie / snacks and serving these people who in real sense are in absolutely downtrodden state. Most of the houses (on average approximately 100-120 sq. ft. floor space) had just a few vessels and that's all about it. A few may be had another pair of clothes and some food that would last for 3-4 days and that was their ultimate asset.

Also there were things to learn implement and developed within. It was more of a stimulation for me rather than assisting in contributing towards their needs. I was not even a "nimit" or postman. I was just an observer of things. It was just my good destiny that i could observe this. Besides, it was a little destiny for them that they could get some aid from donors and the folks who arranged the logistics for the visit. I did nothing but just went, saw and came back.

Ofcourse, did realize a lot of things, learned by experience but today when I m typing this I feel it was just an event. Although I am still visualizing their faces, it's a very shallow thinking of an "additional activity" which can be done once in a few months provided that I am not held up with anything else and the circumstances support. Having tagged myself as a spiritually inclined person, I just want to entertain myself with religious activities. When I say that, I focus on attending spiritual discourses and conferences at my convenience and go ga-ga over it. I easily manage to wash out everything at the end of it, most of the times much before the end of it.

Seva (Serving Society) is an integral aspect which I easily manage to skip from my heart, mind and soul. I strongly propose a few days of visit at such places with a very selfish reason of self-upliftment. I simply want to go and stay with them for 3 days, Cook food and Eat with them; all with an intent of realizing the value of "need".

My "need" and "to-do" list today is much above all the luxuries these people can even think of. Forget about LCD TV and DVD player, even a cell phone is apparently a pretty far fetched thing for them. Getting food, clothing and roof for the current day and witnessing tomorrow's sunrise is their "need". While I comfortably talk and listen about spiritual being, self-realization and salvation, I am unaware, untouched and unexperienced about the miseries of life. I crave for the maximum possible comfort before sitting for meditation / discourses and getting involved in any activity related to serving the society. This is nothing but a pity situation nonetheless.

225 kms away from the Maximum city where I comfortably throw away a couple of grands on a movie and dinner per couple, this is a bitter fact of the human beings (where entire family survives with the same amount for entire month and moreover it is extremely hard to earn the same for them)there that makes me feel pathetically ashamed of being human.

1. 10 years.

2010-10-04T07:28:00.000-07:00

A couple of days back (2-Oct), I accomplished a decade in the IT industry. Am mostly on the happier side to yet stick on to the same industry although have traveled through 4 organizations and umpteen locations.

Just thought of re-connecting to all those I knew and also started their IT career on the same day (3-Oct-2000).

This is what I wrote -

-------------------------------------------------

Hey Folks,

Just thot of dropping a Hello. 10 years back on the same day, most of us (I guess almost all) got their first earning on paper. It was indeed a great feeling.

There are many things to write about from Holiday Inn to the Maximum City (Mumbai) to the Capital (Delhi) to Krishna Continental to Bahrain to Gulf to Yiatros to Domios to Lophitis to Israel to Germany to UK to several EU countries to Maritime to Cards to Currium to Mitsis to Ariel to Downtown to Binges to 2 Rupee coin in Pool table to Agia Napa to Four Season to accidents to Nightlife to Fights to Bonding to Love to Timepass to Timekilling to Work to Culture to Food to Maggi to Indian Restuarants to Nicosia to Flag Hoisting to India Amabasaddor (Pawan I guess) to Crish Cash and Carry to Sevdas to Refugee to all those good, very good and extremely good experiences to relocations to settling in varied co-ordinates to future to marriage to kids to and until the current day....

I am sure I have missed a lots and lots of things as thinking of everything in 3 minutes was kinda difficult task for not-so-intelligent person like me :-). You may certainly wanna add more that will result in sheer fun along with a fantastic nostalgia.

However it's been a decade of our dosti-yaari and its amazing to know that we are going strong, stronger and strongest...

Love you all. :-) Hats off to each one of you for being an integral part of Dilip's life.

-------------------------------------------------

Although most of the write-up won't make much sense to those who haven't been a part of the journey and experience, I still thought of blogging it up :)

In ten years, I must have traveled thousands of miles
Having made a bunch of friends, brings loads of smiles
It's a great feeling to cherish the past, peep into the files
Relations are the strongest foundation, not just bricks and tiles

7. Challenge.

2010-09-30T06:46:00.001-07:00

The root cause for almost any revolution to happen is Challenge. As soon as I am uncomfortable with something, it becomes a Challenge for me and to get rid off the discomfort I look for a solution.

More intense the challenge felt, quicker and better will be the solution. Well, by saying quicker I don't mean in terms of speedy results but in terms of action taken.

For instance, if I feel that 1BHK is too tight for me, I will strive to look for a 2/3 BHK if I really feel that pain as a challenge. Most of the times the challenge is felt but hardly any action is taken cos Compromise overpowers the Challenge and converts my discomfort to comfort. This makes me feel that 1BHK is also not too bad.
As a real life example, I am just imagining the Challenge that MK Gandhi must have sensed. Like many others, he initially must have felt that we need an independent nation by putting an end to the foreign rule. However, the further thought would have been on the life-death situation perspective. I will die if I won’t come out of the discomfort of bowing down to the foreign administration.

I want to live and hence I want to get the administration of out the way. This would have been the last and ultimate thought and post that only ACTION was the way.
I cannot live in a 1BHK flat. I will die if I continue to live. I want to live and hence from this point of time I want to step forward towards possessing a 2-3BHK flat.

Hey, what if Alexander Graham Bell was happy and didn’t sense any challenge with the traditional mode of face 2 face communication? Oops, my cell phone is ringing so let me think on this point later on.

6. Khel.

2010-09-29T07:02:00.000-07:00

Ayodhya me maidan banaao
ubharte hunar ka hosla badhao

Chhodo Jaativaad ke kaand-karm
Cricket hi hai bhaarat ka dharm

Court ke faisley se koi ek kom hogi naraaz
Kya yehi hai, sunhere kal ka aaghaaz?

Sab rahe khush aisaa karein upaay
mohobat ka rishta hai, sab ko miley nyaay

Mandir Masjid to bahot hai bhai
bhagwaan - bhakt ki to hai dil ki sagaai

Prarthana jo dil se nikle wo puri hai
phir ye sab vivaad kyon zaroori hai?

Is liye kehta hun, mandir masjid chhodo
in vivaado me beetenge saal, kharch hoge karodo

Stump thoko, balla ghumaao
Ayodhya me maidaan banao

Afsos....
Aaj Khel ban gaya hai dharm aur Dharm ek Khel
'Wo' hi jaane, insaano me hoga kab aur kaise mel
Hey Khuda, Yaa Bhagwaan, maaf karna tere bache ko
Ret (Sand) ko peel ke, usko nikaalna hai tel

5. Easy.

2010-09-23T09:03:00.000-07:00

One of my friends had penned down the following on email -

Woh path kya pathik kushaltaa kya, jis path mein bikhare shool na ho|
Naavik ki dhairya pariksha kya, yadi dhaaraayein pratikool na ho||

to which I replied with a subtle humor -

pratikool and shool
in theory sounds very cool

jab vaastav me fat ti hai
to chhatne lagte hai dhool...

iske liye mat swim karo nadi
jaha already khada hai pul

koi path ko muhskil na banaao
kyonki jeevan me kaam hai atul

to bhai meri baat maano
shool and all that, jao zara bhool

jo life mili hai mast
usko karo total vasool

:-)

Don't mind as mind is missing :-)

4. King and Pawn.

2010-09-21T07:12:00.000-07:00

“Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back in the same box.” - Italian Proverb

1. Many a times, I think I am a king, many a times pawn, and rest of the times am dwelling in between
2. I don't even 'like' to visualize the 'fact' that game will be over one day altho that day is a variable i, where i >= 0 and <= 14600 (considering 40 more yrs and 365 days per year)
3. After the game is over, let the king and pawn go anywhere, but while the game is ON, I want to be somewhere (above all, ahead of all, knowledgeable, identifiable, egoistic, peace-loving, authoritarian, radical, some or all of the above)
4. I don't even know whether I am playing the game or no. Just keep running and think I am playing
5. What do I want out of this game? if i don't know then how does it matter if I am gonna go in the same box or other or wherever. In today's state, I believe only 2 things - a. I am going to be here forever and b. If I pass away, that will be the end of the story. then, who cares...

Apologies - I didn't intend to damage the wonderful italian proverb.

3. Connect the Dots.

2010-09-17T06:40:00.000-07:00

Day in day out, I am tying myself in every possible knot
Don’t analyze a thing, never drill down on why and what
Just running behind something, yet not attaining a thing
Am I really working on, what I feel I always sought?

A bunch of such constant thoughts, make me feel lost
The moment shall I transcend, from this world of thoughts
First step then taken, shall really mean lots and lots
Thoughts won’t go in vain, cos realization shall connect the dots

2. Local.

2010-09-13T08:03:00.000-07:00

There is this classic story of Mumbai Local train where in a person who wants to get down at a particular station is advised by his fellow passengers that the train is not supposed to stop but might slow down so in case he wants to get down, he should jump out of train and to avoid tumbling down, he should continue running in the direction of train. He does so and in panic, he continues to run faster in the direction of the train. The train however slows down further and the people in the other compartment feel that this guy wanna board the train and eventually they pull him into the coach. Before he reacts, the train is already on the move at its normal pace.

In this train of a stereotypical life, many a times, I feel like doing something eccentric and attempt to get out of the train. However, I fail to stop on the platform and do continue my run in the direction of the train. Quite obviously, some one or other is already there to pull me up. Ofcourse, I am not blaming them as it was me who was supposed to stop and make sure that I am not hooked on the train again.

Someday I feel I should get down on the platform and don’t wait for another train going in same direction. :-)

1. Monopoly.

2010-09-13T07:43:00.000-07:00

Buying cities and building houses and hotels over it is amazing fun. While it is supposed to be an entertaining game, it really reflects the craving of getting ahead of everyone by collecting maximum possible money, assets and beyond. As the number of players append, the fun increments. The race becomes more crucial and the competition all the more cut-throat.

There are several defined rules and several customized rules like making partners, taking loan from bank / participants, paying interests, selling the assets, etc – all with an intent of survival.

The game is gonna last for not more than few hours for sure but the excitement / agony / frustration / ecstasy dwells till the end and all the participants who were competitors take their original role by resuming as friends / relatives.

I have always loved to play monopoly. I am relentlessly playing it. One day it will end.

3. Walking.

2010-08-26T23:44:00.000-07:00

I am passionate about Music. The day when I would become a legend is still a Dream. One beautiful day a renowned maestro calls me up and says – Would you like to learn Music? For me, its like half the dream turned into reality. He tells me - I shall teach you music for 500 hours and that’s all about it. Are you ready? Without a moment of hesitation, I nod with a positive reply.

Further he says – There is one condition and that is; Those 500 hours need to be completed in 30 days starting tomorrow morning 5AM. Although I am deeply shocked my passion nonetheless doesn't even give me another thought and with an internal vigor, I say – Yes. The calculation of 16 hours and 40 minutes a day is already done. However, that is not into consideration as I am visioning the obvious outcome out of the investment and dedication.

Did I learn and excel in those 500 hours?

What made me say a Yes?

What is dedication and how is it defined?

Was that the last opportunity of this lifetime?

Did I even think that I should put a little less than 100%?

The replies to initial four inquiries are immaterial. The reply to fifth query is – I felt that THINKING is also a waste of time at this juncture.

The self-management aces in my life gave me an opportunity to take me out and make me understand, realize, listen, learn and teach about nothing but SELF. They too talked on the similar lines on which the maestro focused on. They had a simple question – Have I zeroed down on THE decision / THE purpose of my life?

“What if yes and “What if no” was up to me to think on and do further inquiries.

I said – Well, I have not built up any purpose per se but I want to attain a significant or rather complete peace, bliss in my life and kinda self-realization is the ultimate goal. However I am not certain of how will I walk on it and what exactly needs to be done to judge if my purpose is right or wrong and once I am firm on my purpose what are the steps to be taken?

Observing the observer and experiencing the experience was a theoretical move suggested. What ever happens needs to be treated as happening. I am just a doer of my activity, a contributor in the event, a performer of my role but I cannot make anything happen in its entirety. For instance, a pot-maker makes a pot but he cannot make a pot out of sand. He has the ability to make the pot but he cannot make the pot happen.

What will be the benefit of doing this? Well, it will all come out of rigorous practice and experience and I shall get deeper inquiries from within and also answers to some or most of those. Also, the experts will be there to guide.

It did sound convincing and moreover, I did ask my self – Did I ask a single question to the musician who straightaway told me to give my 500 hours over a period of mere 30 days? Did I check with him on the further benefits and the intermediate milestones?

Well, rigorous practice and inner experience thing sounded good to me but what I did was just a little different than I did with Music maestro. I asked sometime to think about it.

Alas! I am still thinking.

2. Mindset.

2010-08-03T03:19:00.001-07:00

While taking a stroll after lunch, one of my friends asked me a metaphoric question with an exclamation – How can some one be so arrogant?!

I asked – What happened?

He told – There is this person who seems to be bigheaded that he doesn’t care what other person must be feeling. He never considers anything when he wants to get his work done.

Further he added – I cannot be like that. However I fail to understand what makes people act this way? Does it not create a pinch within?

I said – It’s all about what takes over the facts.

For instance, I said – If a poor fellow riding a bicycle or a handcart comes and dashes your car, you would usually react verbally but won’t take any money from him thinking that he is a poor chap. Let it be. What if another car bumps into yours? You would make sure he pays you or else you will take him to the cops. Fact is the same i.e. Accident happening. Damage is also similar i.e. Car need to be painted / repaired. However, the reaction is different. Why?

In the former case, Sympathy took over the fact while in the latter the focus was on the fact and nothing else. Net-net, there are different categories of people with varied attitude and mindset. There are some who think, if something is to be done, it is to be done – no matter what. While there are others, who feel that they cannot hurt anyone even if they have to bear loss (may be with distinct and assorted limits depending on person to person).

1. The Escape.

2010-08-02T01:38:00.000-07:00

Title – The Escape

Genre – Action / Thriller

Backdrop – Jaes Dawn (aka JD) is a notorious gangster with an intense criminal record. Cops are after him. Government has appointed a special cop with highest accolades in the department. Although his name is Keal Chous, he is popularly known as Killer Cop (KC). KC is madly after JD and one fine day he catches hold of him and he is put behind the bars.

Plot – In the opening scene, JD manages to escape from Jail.

Outline – KC is after JD. He does catch hold of him but once again JD manages to escape. However, he wants to teach a lesson to KC. To accomplish this, JD gets himself arrested by KC by creating a dramatic situation. KC feels he has attained success as JD will now undergo double rigorous imprisonment.

Plan – The time when JD had escaped, he had made all the arrangements to sabotage KC and hence he had got himself caught. Now as per this plan, he managed to escape once again. This time the situation was built up in such a way that KC was finger-pointed by the Government as all the evidences turned out to be against him and he was proven guilty in helping JD escape. As a result, he was suspended.

Moving on – KC was now totally disgusted with the system and circumstances. His only aim was to prove that the system is wrong and he can prove himself to be smarter than the system. He now starts his hunt for JD. He does find him and proposes a deal that JD and KC can work together and in short time turn out to be topmost criminals and much bigger than the system / government. JD is quite surprised but happy with the deal. He foresees the benefits in having an engulfed and wounded cop with him as he already was aware of KC’s potential and abilities. Together they work and become the uncrowned knights of the gangland.

Thrill – The thrilling part is each one had an individual interest. KC wanted to show that he is much powerful than the system. Basically, he was pretending this. JD wanted to take the advantage of KC and rule the world. The Government had a master plan to get JD and KC together. The first anticipated situation was – KC was sent by the Government with pre-defined agenda of making friends with JD and pretending that he wants to fight back against the Government with a vengeance.

Thriller – As the time passed, Government realized that KC has lost interest in Government’s plan and he was more concerned about his criminal activities and the world around it. The biggest surprise and suspense drama unfolds when JD is unmasked to come out as an undercover cop and confirms the above statement.

Conclusion – Basically KC was an honest cop but the corrupted system couldn’t digest him. Hence, a game plan of undercover cop in the name of JD was framed and he was instructed to make sure that the KC’s noble interest and the plan that Government had used should finally turn into his individual interest and the system can prove KC wrong and get rid off him forever. His suspension was not enough for the Government.

4. Zoo.

2010-07-27T23:08:00.000-07:00

A few days back, while taking a photographic tour of a Zoo, initially I was taken aback thinking of those animals who love to wander around with no boundaries are stuck up in a tiny cage and that’s their world. However, I further felt that it may not be as bad either since they are secured and also get the food, medicines etc. Of course, they have to pay the price but life is still safe.

After a while, I got another thought – Is it not my story?

For my present and future security, I get my self into the cage of responsibilities, notions, etc and hardly move out from there during my lifetime. Well, actually I do move out and see the world but I always have that baggage loaded on my head and back.

Don’t I cage myself for a lifetime with a purpose of enjoying freedom in life?

PS (Courtesy Suchit) - During the French revolution, when the Bastille was attacked, and the prisoners freed, the old-time prisoners (who were bound to one place with chains in a dark room) refused to move out in the world. They just wanted to remain there.They were insecure of freedom. And so are we...
- Thank you so much, Suchit.

3. Wanna Save More (?)

2010-07-14T09:18:00.000-07:00

I want to save 300K INR in next 12 months.

What for?

So that I can keep it safe and use it after 10-15 years.

Why don’t I buy a car?

No ways – Car will depreciate over a period of time and I will hardly get any resale value after a few years. My investment of 300K will just fetch me a return of hardly 100K after using the car for 6-7 years. What will I do with 100K when I can still stay without a car and put those 300K in a fixed deposit and make at least 150K more?

Ever thought what happens to the hard earned money in it’s form over a period of time?

It does depreciate with inflation.

For instance, If I save 100 bucks and put it in a bank for 10 years thinking that I shall spend once it becomes 200, it sounds like a plan in the year 2010. At the onset of 2020, I think of withdrawing 200 bucks for spending and I realize that what I would get for 100 bucks in 2010, I am getting for 200 bucks 10 years down the line. I missed the chance of enjoying it for 10 years and now paying the same price for it after keeping it in Bank’s custody for 10 long years thinking that it’s multiplying.

Over and above, there are certain things which I cannot enjoy later due to my health and age. At that time, a thought might pop up – All that I earned seems to go in vain.

I know there can be several counter arguments to the above but the Crux is – what I feel like enjoying today, I should strive to.

2. What am I doing?

2010-07-14T04:06:00.000-07:00

Got eyes to view the beautiful world and I am just looking at the loopholes
Got ears to listen to the tune of life and I am turning my ears on to gossips
Got speech to spread the word of God and I am just hurting folks by my words
Got nose to smell the fragrance and I am craving to smell the atrocities around
Got body to serve the needy and I end up serving it the whole day
Got mind to think and spread wonderful thoughts and I am cluttering it with all the dirt
Alas! I talk about purifying the soul, however overlooking at the functional glitches mentioned above

1. Culture.

2010-07-11T23:00:00.000-07:00

Last week, I came across a day long session on Cross Culture Sensitivity that had an objective of creating awareness of different cultures across the globe and the imperative do’s / don’ts to avoid embarrassments, gain confidence, smoothen conversations and eventually build stronger relations and acquire business benefits.

It was an edifying session with a lot of practical insights. The outcome was a self-implementing decision of following the “rules” as and when the situation arises.

A little bit of further analysis resulted in some self-induced thoughts. The way the culture varies across the globe, it does vary within a huge country like India. However, this was also touched upon during the session. Further, every individual also has his own specific way of life.

Connecting the above statement to the definition of Culture (Culture is nothing but a way of life), I felt that every individual has a self-culture which is over and above as well as a little more specific to the generic culture followed.

For instance, as a part of Indian culture, I love Cricket. Beyond, I love a specific player which is again common. Further down, I like to watch cricket on my TV screen with friends. This is kinda getting specific. Afar below, I liking to sip in something and taking a particular seat and a meticulous angle of viewing the screen now becomes very specific to Dilip’s nature and his definition of entertainment (or may be happiness or comfort of anything that is craved for).

While I visit places and meet people, I do take care of the cultural aspect and respect each individual relating his / her behavior to the culture they follow.

The question to me is – Can I also follow the same with each individual I encounter in my life, thinking that his / her nature & behavior is nothing but the culture that is liked by him / her?

PS: If the answer is yes, in my opinion it has to be backed up with complete willingness and peace within.

3. Haal-Behaal.

2010-06-30T03:42:00.000-07:00

Paristhitiyon pe hasnaa chahta hun aur rona bhi
par ye sab sochta rahaa to zindagi sirf babaal hai
Is se to khud ko mana ke khush rehna me bhalaai hai
Kyonki, mere se to kai jyaada, laakhon log behaal hai

sab kuch galat mere saath ki kyon hota hai
kyon mere karmo ki hi tedhi chaal hai
par kya main apne baahar bhi jhaank ke dekhta hun?
Amir-Garib, lagbhag sabhi, 'Sukun' ke bina kangaal hai

2. Time-waste.

2010-06-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This blog is nothing but a time-waste; hence treat this disclaimer as a caveat :-)

There was this guy Aman, who would do nothing in life. He would just let the day pass and was very much satisfied with what was going on in life.

He had a very close friend Vikas, who would work hard, study and had high aspirations of earning money, power, esteem et al.

Vikas would always tell Aman – “Dude, you are just wasting your time. Do something, become something, set targets in your life like I did and plan for a great life ahead”.

Aman would just stay quiet, listen but never react. He never felt the need to react. He would smile and say – Ok.

Aman’s life was just a routine with daily chores and nothing else. On the other hand Vikas had already initiated the struggle by studying hard, scoring first-rate grades and excelling in all the things that he did. He would slog hard to achieve the impossible. He put in a lot of efforts as he always believed – Success is not a cup of tea. He didn’t even find the time to drink tea peacefully as the ambitions of having a seven course meal were riding on his back and making him run to the fastest that was possibly impossible.

Nothing much to quote about Aman’s life as it was still like the Sun’s routine. Here, Vikas, in his definition was leading ahead day by day. On each accomplishment, small or big, he would come to Aman and flaunt about it. At the end, he would add a comment – “Dude, you are just wasting your time and blah blah”.

Vikas turned out to be a software engineer and then a financial analyst. He had already invested a lot of time, money and efforts by now. He got an exceptional job. Still, he felt – something was missing as this is not the place yet where no one has reached. There were thousands, if not millions, of his age at the same stage. He always thought he would have earned enough esteem by the time he would finish his studies and get into a white-collar industry. When he realized that there are thousands in the race, he strived towards going ahead of all to earn the esteem he would crave for. Meanwhile, he also focused on earning Money as that was also one of the factors he would crave for with an aspiration to lead a luxurious life.

Aman was following the Sun. His parents asked him to get married. He did so.

Vikas’s parents were also persuading him to get married and settle down. Vikas was upfront in answering them by saying – First I shall settle down and then get married.

Besides money, Vikas earned a lot of things like – pressures, deadlines, stress, and exploitation. On each step, he failed to grab the carrots he was offered. He always thought that the carrot is not far-off. Still, he made a lot of money but now the pressure and stress had started hating money as money was always ahead of them. Hence, they decided to play a game and put money behind in the race. They generated some disease in Vikas’s body and as a result of which doctor’s started eating up a lot of Vikas’s money that he would always save for the future luxuries. Deterioration of health wasn’t acceptable as Body was the medium of earning Money, Power, Esteem and beyond.

Aman and Vikas would hardly talk but whenever they would, Vikas was still the same and so was Aman.

By now, Vikas had already passed the marriage age and also the charm. He was still running for the seven course meal while Aman was blissfully relishing the 3-meal-a-day routine.

Aman was simply wasting his time and Vikas, his life.

1. Place.

2010-06-17T09:04:00.000-07:00

I would always feel that I love the city I live in. I still feel so. However, off-late I have realized that it's not the place I love it's what the place makes me feel I love or hate about... I know it's a random post and probably leading no where... The flow is also quite different than usual... Also, in one of my earlier post also I have hinted about the reasons for the attachments about the place...

The title is 'place' but the focus is out of place. bad joke! I really feel awesome when I think about home when away. The question is why I don't feel the same when I am very much here. I know that to write the answer is simple but to comprehend it is not so.

Well, having said this I just want to continue falling in love all over again with this place, people, thoughts, feelings, likes, life et al. I know 'continue falling in love all over again' is an abstract phrase but it is.

I am thinking whether I am writing just for the heck of it. The prompt reply is - NO. I am writing cos I feel like. It's been long I have received this feeling from within, rather have realized that this feeling is waiting to be expressed.

Don't want to conclude anything, don't want to sum up a thing, just want to continue living this life as good as this random post.

Too much yet none
All but less than some
Everything but still few
Old and stale, yet new

I did enjoy writing this and will cherish reading it over again and again. I don't care if you did enjoy or no. I might sound careless but to be candid, I am carefree :)

1. Questions.

2010-05-28T01:18:00.000-07:00

The question is not what do I need to do for quenching my thirst, the question is - what do I need to do to avert it forever?

The question is not what do I need to do for satisfy my hunger, the question is - what do I need to do to get rid off it forever?

The question is not what do I need to earn money, the question is - what do I need to be happy in a money-less state?

The question is not what do I need to maintain my pride and esteem, the quesion is - what do I need to transcend from the craving related to the same?

2. Presence.

2010-04-07T06:16:00.000-07:00

At times, I feel why does my mind dwell so much in future, most of the times and if not, in past? Seldom it’s is in present, aware and awake.

Although, I have seen that no matter what I have lived through my life and will continue to live till the end of it. Somehow, everything is managed and this is true not only for me but I believe, most of us. Of course there are hard times and soft times but that depends on many factors. Certainly, oscillating between the tenses won’t help.

For instance, I keep on thinking – What if I lose the current source of income? I feel, the immediate reply could be – I would find another one. Well, it might not look as simple still is it not the appropriate answer anyways? The answerless state won’t help for sure and thinking on elaborated replies won’t either.

I am not saying that there is no action required for these thoughts / queries. The mere action is the immediate reply and the planning, if required. As another example, my mind is constantly grumbling about being stagnant and looking for a change. This thought is disturbing me a lot. Now, I can start a series of questions and get the replies and act upon.

1) What makes me feel stagnant? – A. I want to explore something new and hence current profession is making me feel stagnant.
2) What do I want to explore? – A. I want to explore my passion
3) What is my passion? – A. My passion is to do some business
4) What type of Business? – A. I want to open a retail shop
5) What do I want to sell? – A. I want to sell garments
6) Have I started on Preliminary Investigation and Feasibility Study? – A. No
7) Do I want to start? – A. Yes
8) Please go ahead and do so. As and when I go ahead, I will get more questions and subsequent replies
9) If the answer to 7) is No, then please don’t waste time and either concentrate on the current profession or quit job, sit idle and leave it on destiny. Choice is mine :)

Planning and Action go hand in hand. Planning without Action is like daydreaming and hence chances are high that everything turns futile. It simply results in more and more dwelling in future, followed by accumulation of frustration and the ultimately “state of despair” occurs which leads nowhere.

Well, was I in present (aware and awake) while composing this article? Although I composed at one go, I fail to answer myself. What a travesty!

1. CID.

2010-04-03T22:29:00.001-07:00

“Mujhe us aadmi pe shaq hai” – says ACP Pradyuman as soon as he along with Abhijit, Daya, Vivek and Fredricks lands at the Changi International Airport, Singapore and witnesses a tall bearded man donning a black overcoat standing at the immigration queue. By quoting this statement, ACP means – I suspect this person.

On that very moment, Abhijit covers 3/4th of his eyeballs and utters – Sir, Let me follow him. Fredricks pokes as usual by saying – I am jumping on to the other side of immigration so that I can catch hold of him. ACP shouts – Shut up Fredie (ACP doesn’t have time to take his name in entirety). We are out of country and this is immigration queue. Fredie (now I have no time to type either) has no choice but to keep his shut.

Abhijit do one thing, stand in the queue parallel to the one he is and observe his movements - whispers ACP. Vivek intervenes in a soft but irritating tone – Sir, we are on a vacation and let us not forget that we are beyond the Indian political borders.

Again, Fredie gets in action – but sir, he might as well be an Indian and hence we got to catch hold of him. If you observed, he has a beard and most of the people that have beard are Indians. Right?

ACP almost covers his eyeballs, blows up his already blown up nose and quotes for the nth time since Fredie joins the force – “Freddie, for the first time, what you said makes sense”. Friddie is flattered now.

Vivek – but…

Daya – We are wasting time sir, Let me catch hold of him by his collars and advise him to co-operate with us.

ACP – No boys, do as I say. Abhijit, you move on to the queue as I suggested. Fredie, you wait here and Vivek, you come with me. Daya, you somehow manage to get his name, call me as soon as done and then, Vivek and I will make an announcement saying – Mr So –and-So, Kindly wait outside the main terminal at the Airport as Mr. Vivek wants to see you urgently. Vivek is a very common name in India and I am sure, should be in Singapore as well. Hence, Mr So-and-So would certainly know some Mr Vivek and will bother to wait. This is my master plan. How does it sound? Let’s move. We don’t have time.

Daya calls back in a few minutes saying – Sir, all our efforts will result in no fruit as the bearded man is a cop in Singapore, although he is a person of Indian Origin. Let’s get on to our vacation and stop chasing him.

ACP – Think out the box, Daya. What is a person of India origin doing in Singapore and that too, as a cop? Don’t waste time and give me his name.

Daya – Sir, his name is Paul Panchamiya.

ACP – See, I told you Daya. The case is not simple. Have you ever heard of such a name? This man is disguised and using a fake identity as well.

Vivek – Sorry to perturb you sir, but I feel Daya is right!

ACP – How long have you been with CID?

Vivek – Sorry sir, let’s proceed.

ACP – Smart boy. Let me make an announcement now.

Attention Mr. Paul Panchamiya, Mr. Vivek is waiting for you outside the terminal gate. Please see him - comes the announcement and is repeated again.
Paul is royally surprised with a shock of his lifetime. He wonders who is this Vivek? Not that he didn't knew any Vivek, he knew one. Vivek was a childhood buddy who had suddenly disappeared more than 15 years back.
Is he the same Vivek? If yes, then all of a sudden after 15 years, why he wants to see me? How come he knew my travel plans? If he is not the Vivek I know then who is he? and why does any other Vivek who I have never known wants to see me? Puzzled Paul keeps on thinking for a while in a state of despair. After more than 10 minutes, a self-motivation sprouts up with a few words to self - "Wait and watch. Will see what happens."

On the other side, CID team finishes with the immigration, collects baggage and clears customs. As they get out of the terminal, ACP thinks that if Paul knows some Vivek and if we keep our Vivek waiting outside with a "Welcome Paul -Vivek" board in his hand, he will fail to recognize and a chaos might be created. He instructs Vivek to do the same but as soon as Paul comes and before he comes up with any question, Vivek should say - I am Vivek's friend and here is a message from Vivek. You got to urgently meet Vivek at hotel Sea Princess Room no. 2334.

CID Vivek is now wating outside the terminal as instructed.

Paul comes out of the terminal and sees a sign board. Immediately rushes towards Vivek and before Vivek reacts or responds, utters - Vivek? Are you Vivek? How do you know me?

Now, it's CID Vivek's turn to get surprised. He is flabbergasted and simply forgets what to say?

ACP and team, who are keeping a close watch on their actions, sense that something is fishy. Now it was an action time from their side. Without a thought, the entire team surrounds Paul and in his premium classic style, ACP yells - Paul, you are under arrest.

Paul says - Ok. Now where are you taking me? and by the way, do you know who I am?
ACP says - Just shut up and come with us. They hire a couple of cabs and ACP drags Paul in one of them. Daya enters from the other end. Needless to pen down, Vivek, Abhijit and Fredie take another one.

Paul feels - He is kidnapped and is surprised to see kidnappers using "under arrest" jargon. It doesn't matter to him, nonetheless. Now, it's his time to come in action. Soon, he switches on his emergency alert transmitter that is used by Singapore cops in jeopardy situations.

This smart gadget transmits the signal at the nearest base station and beeps there. Each Police station over there has a base station for receiving signals and once the signal beeps in, the base station knows the exact location from where the signal was transmited.

In 4 minutes of Paul perfoming the intelligent act, bothe the cabs are surrounded by 5 police vans and all the vehicles come to a stand still in less than a minute.
In not more than another minute, ACP and his entire team is handcuffed and taken to Police station.

ACP recites the entire happening and his thought process. Paul, although wanting to laugh out loud on ACP's buffoonery, decides to deport them for creating a chaos for no reason whatsoever.

The entire CID team is sent back to the terminal.

Neither did they take a stroll on the singapore streets, nor they relished the singaporean delicacies. They could niether enjoy shopping at Mustafa's nor could they feel the adentures at Sentosa. They missed the night safari and they missed it all.

Awaiting the next possible flight back to Mumbai, everyone was furious on ACP but couldn't say as he was a senior person, obviously.

Breaking the silence, Fredie came up with his so-called sensible humour - "Sir, it's good that we are deported from Singapore back to India. Imagine, if this would have happened in India, where would they deport us to?"

ACP - Hmm, Fredie, for the First time...

Fredie interrupting the ACP - Sir, it's for the Second time... :-)

PS: I don't intend to hurt anyone's sentiments. This is just a fun-write with a sole intention of creating some humour.

5. Sunrise to Sunset.

2010-03-22T18:41:00.000-07:00

Chadta Suraj dheere dheere dhalta hai dhal jaayega…
These are the opening lines of a song (actually a Qawaali) that talks about the transitory nature of life and time. These lines literally mean that the sun that rises; slowly will set in a while.

There was time when I would feel that the song is really very meaningful and is well-written. There are a couple of hard hitting lines where a reference is made to Alexander’s situation at the time of his death.

Yaad rakh Sikander ke hausle to aali the… Jab gaya wo Duniya se, dono haath khaali theIt means – Remember, Alexander had great aspirations throughout his life but when he left the world, both his hands were empty.

Besides, there are many such striking lines and verses in this entire song. Reviewing and explaining the song is not my objective nevertheless. What I intend is to focus on the phase of my life I have thought this song along.

The next phase of life was where I found this song to be extremely depressing and meaningless. I would transit myself into a state of despair on listening to this song. I would say to self – Why do I not want to enjoy and live the present moment and phase of life? Why do I want to think on such disheartening lines that make me feel gloomy and blue?

Thinking this I started disliking the song. Of course, I would enjoy it thoroughly when it was sung or whenever I would listen to it but then that was just because of the environment that it created.

Now that a significant part of life has passed away and the end is swiftly nearing, I feel like pondering over the song; this time not to learn the meaning behind it but to experience the essence of it.

Kal jo tan ke chalte the apni shaan-o-shaukat par, shamma tak nahi jalti aaj unki gurbat par
Yesterday those who were proudly walking down with chest-wide-open, today even the candles on their grave aren't lit.

Dilip is gonna be Yesterday soon!!!

4. Mad Mad Mad.

2010-03-22T18:39:00.000-07:00

Things that shud make me feel sad, I feel happy about them…
Things that shud make me happy, I feel they are sad…
I am going mad mad mad

Things that are bad, I feel they are good for my life
Things that are good for me, I feel they are bad
I am going mad mad mad

People whose influence is ruining my life, I go ga-ga about them
Those who think for my betterment, about them I don’t feel glad
I am going mad mad mad

Thinking about life seems to be just a waste of time….
There is nothing thats gonna affect me until I am fully clad…
I am going mad mad mad

3. Paheli Puzzlewaala.

2010-03-06T22:00:00.000-08:00

Thinking of you creates a spellbound feeling within me. The entire environment within and around is filled with an eternal fragrance that soothes my heart. Your heavenly touch creates a striking reverberation in my senses. The best of all the chords are pale in front of your incredible voice. I simply adore your presence which makes me feel existent. The beauty of your being is the driving force of my life.

I love you. I feel you.

You are more than life to me. You are the one whom I am living for. I have always designed my life taking you into consideration. I earn for you. I yearn for you. Every step I take and every move I make, you are never out of my sight. Our bonding is immense to an extent that makes me feel a relation of several ages. My love for you is ever-growing. I have forgotten myself completely.

I am talking about Paheli Puzzlewaala, who is the only motivation behind my life.

You got to guess, Who is Paheli Puzzlewaala?

2. Happy Birthday Mr. Netakar.

2010-03-06T21:58:00.000-08:00

“Happy Birthday Mr Aniti Bhaiji Saaheb Netakar. May you complete the century of your life.”

As soon as I move out of my house and even before I finish a kilometer of a stroll or a ride, my eyeballs hit umpteen such billboards wishing birthdays, anniversaries and victories and so to say, achievements. Each poster wishing a so-called administrator carries numerous signatures of so-very-called well-wishers. Most of the well-wishers are pretty much unknown faces for me. Leave aside well-wishers, many a times the administrator is also quite a stranger. I really don’t know if he is an authorized one or a self or party nominated position.

What do I have to do with these shakha pramukhs and shakha up-paramukhs (branch presidents and vice-presidents)? Why do I need to care about their birthdays and anniversaries? Why do these people who claim to clean up the city and make it a better place to live do promote such things that makes the city more chaotic with regards to ‘look and feel’? What is the point in so much of boasting? Do they fear that by not doing such things, they won’t get votes? Or for that matter, are they living with the perception that by doing such things they would be gaining votes? Whatever it is, do these guys have the right to mess up with the looks of the city? Have they lost their senses? Do they feel that the common man has lost his senses? What the buck! (Yes, it’s a typo)

What is the law and order doing? Why can’t they enforce some law as a result of which such cr#p is averted?

I remember nearly a decade ago when these parties would campaign during election by painting the walls and a fiery election commissioner put an end to it. It needs to happen again.

I am and want to stay happy wishing my folks on their birthdays and anniversaries through the medium of phone / text / f2f.

PS: Thank you Samir for suggesting the title.

1. Slowdown.

2010-03-06T21:57:00.001-08:00

Faster I run, nearer comes the end
Hence I would like to reverse the trend
Contra to the idea of turning town in metro
I would rather return; live happily in retro

1. Disappear.

2010-02-18T08:51:00.000-08:00

Since my mom had gone out of station, I was all alone. Although it was a Saturday night, I just planned to laze at home, sit back, watch television and peacefully sleep. I did so.

It was 7.30 am when my eyeballs hit the clock. It was a bit early for a Sunday morning but since I was up and fresh, I decided to go for a stroll. While stepping down, I saw my milkman stepping up and expressed that I don’t want milk. He gave a surreal look and before his response or my analysis, I jumped down to the ground level. Something was eccentric in the milkman’s look but then I didn’t care much thinking he might be a victim of hangover since it was a Sunday morning for him as well.

Passing thru my lane, I encountered my friend’s dad who was in his temple gear. Worshipping God in the morning is his daily routine. Most of the times when I see him, he is usually in his own world chanting something. Ditto this time. Still I thought of bidding a hello and when I did so, he looked at me but didn’t respond back. I was aghast but then assuming he must be in his godly thoughts, I resumed my walk. I was still wondering about back to back similar events nonetheless.

With all those thoughts gradually evaporating, I had a nice 30 minute walk. Hungry, I entered my favorite eatery and took some food coupons. Despite a busy morning, the coupon vendor still managed to response to my ‘happy morning’ greeting. I was happy assuming he recognized me but still not completely satisfied as he just responded with his heads down engrossed in catering to other customers.

After a wonderful breakfast as soon as I popped out of the restaurant, I witness a friend of mine from a certain distance cruising on his bike and as he passed perpendicular, I waved my hand. It seemed like he had simply ignored it. I consoled my mind explaining it must be because of a lot of crowd around; the wave must have gone unnoticed.

The mind was not ready to get convinced and as a result of which a lot of questions started haunting around. Walking down further, I could see my gym instructor approaching. This was an acid test for me. I rushed towards him, gave a broad smile and uttered ‘Hello’. He gave a smile in return and said the same. I was relieved. Before my breaths stay calm for even a degree movement of the second hand of the clock, he quoted – “Are you interested in joining gym?”

I almost fainted. It was like I had lost all my senses. I not only failed the acid test but my identity too. I couldn’t see any difference in strangers and acquaintances. On the verge of a volcanic eruption in my mind, I heard the same question again. I negatively nodded and rushed towards my house.

On my way back, I encountered the newspaper vendor and a local grocery store owner. Needless to say, both of them failed to recognize me. I just wanted to reach home at the earliest and hit the bed. Meanwhile, I thought I won’t even attempt to initiate with anyone I meet during my journey towards home.

While walking, suddenly I had a thought of calling up my mom and talking to her for a while. I felt that could be the best option to soothe myself and my wicked mind that was still pestering me to the core.

I took the deepest breath of my life and called my mom. The heartache that followed was deeper than the deepest breath I just took. It happened at the following moment when my own mom responded the call saying – “Whose this?”

Stunned, I froze. Wasn’t this the most horrifying question of my life? No. The next one was worse when I asked myself – Which life am I referring to? I was lost to such an extent that I started questioning myself about my own identity.

Who am I? Where did I come from? Where am I gonna go?

2. Rann.

2010-01-31T02:47:00.000-08:00

Seldom I go for a bollywood movie with heaps of expectations and all the more rarely are they fulfilled to the entirety. Rann is certainly one of those very few.

Although I won’t say that RGV is at his best but still this one comes very close to Company and Sarkar that were his best creations so far in my opinion.

The concept of showcasing of cold wars and dirty politics is not new (remember Corporate) although the medium is. One thing is certain that RGV cannot expect media to promote this fare (they have already started criticizing it big time) but as if does it care since he is sure that masses are here to do the needful.

Coming to the experience, I would say it was an edge-of-the-seat drama. Usually thrillers are categorized as e-o-t-s. In flicks with such a sensitive subject treatment matters a lot and that’s where this one scores ten on ten. Like many of his previous movies, the camera placement (weird angles-face hiding-close ups), background score (news recite, typical slogans) and editing are first rate.

The sequence of events is breathtaking. In the game of cricket, like a batsman on the crease, each character is given footage and the best part is everyone has scored a century. There are many scenes where I could see the Madhur effect. It seemed as if disciple has taught his master but I reckon somewhere master would have already trained his disciple who turned out to be the first to implement it. Doesn’t matter me anyways.

The casting is simply stupendous. Bachchan as anticipated is impeccable. Deshmukh shines. Yadav is wasted to an extent; nonetheless he is able to create some light moments. Kapoor gives complete justice to his character. Rawal is apt. Behl is astonishing. I have never before admired his performance. Girls have nothing much to do but they don’t look out of the place. Gul, Suchitra, Neetu, Simone and Mrinal add to the fragrance. Over and above, Sudeep as Jay Vijay Malik steals the show and I won’t be surprised if he bags a few awards. I was looking for a KK (remember Vishnu of Sarkar) in him but that is something I should have not done. He leaves a lasting impact. I might just watch Phoonk-2 for him(?)

Overall, this new(s) battle is a must watch. My verdict – 8.5/10.

1. Am I an Idiot?

2010-01-21T01:09:00.000-08:00

Recently I saw a movie wherein the message given was – ‘Don’t run behind success. Strive for excellence. Once you excel, success will certainly run behind you.’ Very nice point.

Now, to achieve excellence it was said that one needs to define own ways by transcending the typecast system of education and follow the passion to avert a life full of incompleteness and dissatisfaction.

True to an extent but then following the passion right from any particular point doesn’t really work completely for me. I am talking from a perspective where I need to earn bread and butter which is the need of the time. Well, I am not saying that I am killing my passion but postponing the focus on it while not completely forgetting it.

For instance (just a fictitious example), my parents somehow managed to make me an engineer and in the midst of it, I realized that my passion was literature. I don’t say that writers don’t make money but to establish myself as a writer may take a few months or a few years or may be ages whereas by possessing an engineering degree, chances are high that I can find a nice job and earn a handful in few years. I can set a target for myself and plan to retire from that so-called ‘typecast’ profession after those few years.

Meanwhile, simultaneously I can find some spare time discovering literature and exploring the potential. Once I achieve my target, I can move on (to literature) full time. All my further targets till the end of life may be quite possibly related to literature – publishing books, composing poems, etc. This way I can plan my life and don’t end up frustrating – neither for the lack of money nor for the unfulfilled passion.

I don’t know if I am an idiot to think this.

3. Value.

2009-12-21T07:23:00.000-08:00

One of my friends informed me a couple of days back that his kid dropped his cell phone in a bucket filled with some liquid. Needless to say, his phone was conked off. Although it was a loss for him, I was smiling mainly because the cell didn’t belong to me. Nevertheless, the visualization was hilarious too. I am sure he would have also smirked looking at his kid performing this innocently naughty act.

Why do some things which are entertaining in nature create a little or more grief within? This was the thought that passed by. I believe, just because I add value to all the things I possess, I overlook the entertainment value. I know this is a sort of debatable statement where one can argue saying that if the same kind of entertainment is achieved without wasting valuable resources, then why not? This is true but my point is what ever has happened which actually can create entertainment, what is the point in weeping about the loss? Rather, why not simply enjoy it to the fullest?

I am not finger-pointing at any one as this is most applicable to me.

2. Speed-breaker.

2009-12-21T07:22:00.000-08:00

Each weekday, while I commute to work I come across a few speed-breakers on my way. Some of them are tiny ones whereas some are more swollen. I observe that those bulgy ones are kinda not-so-annoying. However those smaller ones are bothersome. They generate more jerks and end-up frustrating me no matter how much ever I slow down my vehicle.

This brings to my notice that all those so-defined big things in life viz. career, growth, planning, long-term goals, etc don’t bother me every now and then but when I come across pretty trivial hiccups, they make me furious and create a whole lot of aggravation within and outside.

These irrelevant ones can be anything like some one hurting me, no one caring about me, driver in the next lane abusing while passing, unsolicited advices, people (and also PC) not responding quickly, a friend not inviting me for a party / wedding, people not acknowledging my presence, no recognition for my work / achievement, people expecting me to behave the way they want me to behave, I expecting people to behave the way I want them to behave, so on so forth and beyond…the list is certainly near-endless…

All I can see is these things are like a bunch of clouds hovering over the Sun (which has a potential of sourcing out infinite light) hiding all its power.

The list of insignificant ones has created a lot of significance in my life – What an Irony!

1. One year.

2009-12-21T07:21:00.000-08:00

Last year on the same date (19/12), I had traveled to a varied geography in southern hemisphere where I had never landed before in this birth. It was a place called Wellington. In the wildest of my dreams I hadn’t thought I would be stopping by that place anytime in my life and that too for few long months.

The place was new and so were people. This is common in the Industry I work. While putting my feet on the ground, I had a lot of queries floating in my mind but actually wasn’t looking for any answers as after nearly 30 hours of sleepless journey and losing 6.5 hours due to time zone change, I was looking for a place to doze off.

Well, this write up is not about my travel. Neither it is about my experience with the place. This is a tiny gesture of remembering those dynamic young chaps, who were nothing more than unknown faces before I traveled and soon became a vital phase of my life.

There are umpteen words to describe these pals, lots of experiences to share, many memories to cherish and a number of reasons to feel nostalgic but for a couple of reasons, I would like to apply brakes to my thought process – a) I am sure I would not be able to justify the thrill through the medium of words and b) Those who haven’t experienced might not find it interesting.

However, before I close my eyes and think about them, I cannot stop myself from taking a glance over my entire stay and what flashes in front of me is – Walking on the waterfront, Xmas time, Pebble beach at Napier, Bungee Jump at Huka Falls, Bickering at work, SRK, Driving thrills with almost all possible Toyotas and a Santa Fe, Cops and Tickets, Beaches unlimited, Playing with Map, Hogging over food, Taupo Tandem Sky diving, Pizza making, Monopoly & Cards, Photography at Dawson falls, Encounter with team India at the Basin Reserve, Busy eating Pizzas at Taupo forgetting starving Girls, Shopping at Cuba, Mamra (Indian snacks at Invincible), Smiley cards, Brainstorming with an aim of creating a consulting powerhouse, Late night binges, Movie-filled weekends, Dawaat & Tulsi & Hare Krishna and beyond, Kilberney temple tours, Metro on Willis, Lord of the rings, South Island excursion, Rugby and Cricket games at the Westpac stadium, Round the bay t-shirts, Mosheims,… O my God, the list is endless. I wonder what will happen when I start penning down an autobiography J

Time to close eyes... Love you folks…

Dedicating this piece with lots and lots of love towards all those wonders and our adhesively strong bonding

1. Religion.

2009-11-11T08:04:00.000-08:00

Background: I am a part of an institute where we are taught about Religion (twice a week 1.5 hour each session). Last week, we finished 17 years. I thought of penning down my thoughts on that occasion.

I am not sure how much of this will interest you. If you wish, you can read in your leisure time (since it’s a long one). Please feel free to comment.

At the age of 13 (i.e. 1992 – Yes, I am 30+ now), religion for me was to follow some rituals, offer prayers to God and seek blessings in return. This was to be religiously followed but of course not at the top most priority. For instance, if I got to go for some urgent work, it was ok for me to skip the prayers as if God will easily forgive me. I never had any thoughts and feelings of priority and severity towards religion.

On the contrary, my parents would boast quoting me as a religious boy of the family. I would also think so to a greater extent. The reason being I would attend a lot of religious seminars, give a lot of exams, score great marks, publicly speak about religion and regularly be in touch with saints and dignitaries in the arena. This much was more than enough for my parents and me to feel proud about.

There was no focus of going ahead and becoming a saintly being as I had always aimed at becoming a professional and earn more and more money. Now, there was an illusion that religion can be taken care off (the way it is described in the opening lines) while enjoying worldly pleasures. This is the way almost everyone around me would live thinking that this is the way it is supposed to be lived.

Preachers would say – Do as much religious activities as you can and be as much religious as possible. These words would actually mean – Do as much (depending on my schedule) religious activities as I can and be as much religious (as per my comforts and convenience) as possible. The result of this would be ending up doing as little in the name of religion and flatter as much in the society and hence creating a goody goody impression.

Yes, at the age of 13 all these things would happen. I don’t say that it doesn’t happen today. The difference is being blindfolded, crossing the street, meeting with an accident and with open eyes, crossing the street and still meeting with an accident. Nevertheless, it’s certainly necessary to open the eyes than remain blindfolded for life.

Coming to the story - during November 1992, one of my friends asked me to join a religious class. With so many so-called ‘religious’ feathers in my cap, I agreed with an intention to check it out. There was this class conducted by a 31 something handsome chap (everyone called him Sir) and the best part was it would be only once a week for an hour unlike the other class I would go each day of the week. Additionally, there was nothing to mug up which truly fascinated me (again unlike the other class where they would make us learn and mug up everything in Sanskrit with no idea about the meaning and the logic behind it)

We were a bunch of 25 odd students in the institute and I started liking it there. Using several examples, we were taught that the soul and body are different; the existence of this being is known by the existence of soul and so on. Now this was like a revolution for me who had all the times learned and understood about God and the rituals to be blindly followed without questioning the logic since questioning was synonymous to doubting and doubting (God) would be considered as one of the biggest sin.

Who am I? We had to enquire about self. Never in my life such a thought had passed my mind and this really started captivating me all the more. Well, if I am Dilip, rather if this body is given the name Dilip, will it still remain Dilip after I die? Yes, the identity would but then what about the existence? Man! At the age of 13, actually it was a bit too much. However, it was thought provoking too.

Sir would illustrate theories using different practical examples. One of them would be a dancing doll example where in he would say that if the batteries are charged, the doll can dance and if they are discharged, the movement stops. Similarly, once the soul disappears, the body movement stops. Why it happens so? What happens to the soul? Where does it go? After it disappears, the body still looks as it was appearing earlier. So which part of the body was actually the soul? What could be the shape and size of the soul?

I would wonder – Do the above questions have anything to do with religion? Are these questions really vital to comprehend and supposed to be answered by someone? Is there a need to quit the existing world and start a hunt for the replies of all of the above?

Gradually, these sessions started becoming interesting on one hand and also routine on the other. The bonding with Sir and the entire group started becoming stronger. After around a year, Sir proposed us to go on a 3-day tour. The agenda was to discuss religion at a stretch. I was keen but also was a bit concerned as I was in my last year of school and my exams were just a month away. Still, I don’t know what influenced me and I said yes. I can say this was one of the best choices I made in my life. It was a fantastic experience. I started getting more and more involved in this group and adapted to the culture. There was one more tour during the same year and this time I was all the more excited since I was free from exams and studies.

Alongside religious teachings and discourses, Sir would always preach a practical way of life. In the backdrop of soul-searching inquiries and religious deeds, he would always put weight on a way of life. A person practicing religion has to be leading an honest and a non-hypocritical life and act his role as a human being in such a way that no living creature is physically, mentally, verbally and emotionally harmed by his existence. This was his definition of a non-violent and a truthful lifestyle. I was thoroughly impressed and influenced with this philosophy although to be honest, I don’t practice it to the fullest till date.

In day-to-day life, there are so many theories which one can implement and lead a life in such a way that everyone including self can stay happy and peaceful. To him, this was a pre-requisite. These theories did include commitment, dedication, sincerity, time-management, hard work, there is nothing like try, be un-reasonable (means do not defend yourself), harmless external behavior, lack of hyper aggression, not sweating the small stuff, consider everything as a small stuff , introspection of thoughts, self-analysis (daily, hourly), break the flow of excitement, don’t exploit anyone, Remember, my profit can be some one’s loss, live in present, accept things the way they are and the way they come to us, avoid conflicts – come what may, discourage corruption, cleansing of thoughts, positive thinking, ego eradication, smile & make everyone smile, seek forgiveness, friendship with all and animosity with none, become a helping hand, generosity, philanthropy, compassion for all living beings – from ant to dinosaur, take the responsibility – I am sole responsible, realize the difference between ‘doing’ and ‘being’, if I love to be happy all creatures love to be happy, if I don’t like pain, no creature does, no need to get stuck on the medium if you want to reach the goal, and the ultimate was “To sing a song, you need to sing a song”.

These theories were exemplified in such a practical manner that I would really love to apply them in my personal life and needless to say that it has truly benefited me though the thick and thin of my life.

Sir would always motivate and recommend us for enrolling in various self-help workshops & meditation courses like vipassana, visiting worthwhile places & exhibitions, watching relevant movies, reading books & articles for self-development and in short, everything that stimulated him and made him grow in his life.

Besides, there were many tours and pilgrimages (almost twice a year) that really would serve as chargers. Through the means of quizzes, debates, scripts, games, elocutions and discussions, we would learn a lot, explore the hidden potential and experience the bliss within. I did relish each of the outstation tours and also all the sessions and conversations happened during past years.

I don’t intend to break anyone’s notions or beliefs but in this institute of religion, with all credits to Sir, I learned that Religion is not a part of life but it is a way of life.

It’s been 17 years and I am still learning and shall continue to learn. There are no words to express the gratitude towards Sir. Whatever I express will seem to be exaggerative but factually and on the contrary, it would just be a less than a drop in an ocean. Besides, there were so many other people who supported Sir to a great extent and these people were none other than his own family – his son, his wife, his brother, his mom and dad and his uncle. From the bottom of my heart, I would like to salute each one of them for everything and beyond.

I would like to conclude by saying that all the positive side one sees in me is due to Sir and the engagement with this institute since 17 years and all the negative side of mine is due to my deeds and behavior. I wish and anticipate a life-long commitment.

Thank you very much for patiently reading through the entire piece.

3. After 10 years.

2009-10-23T21:01:00.000-07:00

Today, I was thinking that after 10 years what thoughts will pass my mind…
I could list down the following ones

1) Do I continue with this company or time to switch?
2) Is it a time to switch the industry and get into other profession?
3) Shall I get married?
4) Is it a correct time to invest in stocks now?
5) Hmm, I will retire soon
6) What is the purpose of life?
7) Now, I really need to work out for gaining stamina
8) I should restrict myself from eating outside for a better health
9) Let me save some more money now and spend later
10) Wasn’t I thinking the same 10 years back? Have I not progressed yet?
11) May be, this is the right time to think and implement.
12) Once time permits let me take a break, go somewhere and discuss with self
13) Getting influenced is so easy

2. Passing Thoughts...

2009-10-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

Last few weeks, my thought process has been killing me umpteen times. At the end, everything is useless then why do I wanna be this and that and what not?

Then there is a fight – one mind says “You are just procrastinating and being lazy about things”. The other says “The reason you wanna be this and that is to be popular and flaunt your ego thereafter”.

Not coming to a logical conclusion (as can’t figure out which mind is correct) makes me feel miserable and I end up doing nothing but simply get frustrated and lie down thinking everything is futile. More I think the life is empty and meaningless, more I get drowned in depressing thoughts. Don’t like to get involved everywhere and anywhere and then suddenly something comes up (work, social, pathshala, friends, etc) and I attempt to get involved and kill some time there. 30 years have spent and I really don’t know how many are left but I certainly do not see that there are many. What am I doing? Where am I heading towards? Will I be able to face the death head-on? How will I feel when I don’t want to die and will have to quit this world? How will be the experience when these many years of attachment will suddenly be detached for good? Am I lost? Do I still want to pen down more questions? Am I still looking for new words to add? Do I want to re-arrange all the questions after already arranging them twice? Am I getting a thought of how people will feel reading all this silly things? When I die, what will I take with me? Why don’t I understand the mysteries of self? Are these soul-searching questions or just the questions asked to get involved in thoughts and kill some more time?

PS: On a lighter note, somebody told me last week, if you kill time right now, time will kill you soon. I said – I will rather prefer to kill time right now so that time won’t exist to kill me back. It was pretty weird but we both ended up laughing out loud as we were happy we did kill some time :)

1. Passing Thoughts - A Verse

2009-10-23T20:59:00.000-07:00

Today, I want to have all that I crave
This want will dwell till I reach the grave
Endless desires make me run and rave
Now is the time to stop, am I enough brave?

Don’t know why I don’t realize, I have all that I deserve
With the worldly influence, I just want to break my nerve
Running behind everything, I simply squander the verve
How much ever I collect, there is nothing I can reserve

3. Once upon a time...

2009-09-16T05:18:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time…
I wanted to be a cook and prepare a dish
Affordable to all for fulfilling the hunger wish

Once upon a time…
I desired to be a doctor and create a pill
Have it once in your life and never get ill

Once upon a time…
I longed to be a tailor and craft an attire
Lasts all weather and survives water and fire

Once upon a time…
I wished to be an architect and design a home
That would stand against all, quake or cyclone

Once upon a time…
I sought to be a scientist and innovate a gun
Turns foes into friends and kills no one

Once upon a time…
I craved to be an engineer and construct a street
Connecting entire world so that everyone can meet

Here I am sitting on my desk, sipping fresh-lime
Haven’t been anything yet, dreaming "Once upon a time…"

2. Obituary.

2009-09-02T02:33:00.000-07:00

It’s an immensely shocking feeling to learn that the most materialistically worldly person named Dilip Shah has taken a swift exit from this material world.

Although he seemed to be a pretty decently mannered chap and a well-wisher of his friends and foes in the society, was still a selfish person who always gave priority to himself and his philosophies. He would always motivate people with his pep talks but failed to implement the same in his life.

He portrayed himself as a philanthropist and a spiritual being but all that was limited to his outer conduct. He would believe in not exploiting people, especially the ones who were not wealthy but would never think of going out of the way and support them.

Apparently, he would appear as an urbane person with a ‘looking good’ mentality but he was filled with vices from within. He would always preach and at a very superficial level practice goody goody things like non-violence, truth, honesty and other humility and spiritual related stuff but that was mainly because he had an inner fear of getting wickedly recognized amongst his folks on behaving otherwise.

He would never miss an opportunity to clutch the recognition from anywhere and everywhere. This is what made him very popular in his personal and professional life.

He would always carry himself with a feeling of being indispensable. Unfortunately, he will not be present to realize that this feeling was nothing but a myth. The world will never stop but continue to move at its normal pace.

He would always love to express and publish his feelings on blogs by scripting write-ups and composing poems but more than expressing, his intent was of getting noticed and appreciated. This feeling was possessed by him to such a great extent that he was keen on writing his own obituary which could be presented in his post-death gathering.

May his soul rest in peace and we hope that almighty does never send him back to this world in any form.

1. Need - Opinions.

2009-09-01T21:24:00.000-07:00

After reading through my previous post - Need, a very senior colleague of mine had exchanged a few words with me which I feel are worth penning down

Commenting on Need, Bhooshan says -
--------------------------------------------
Truly speaking, life is pretty empty, and we spend a life-time filling it with trash!!!

Dilip replies -
---------------
Life is empty and meaningless – is very true

However, a purpose added to it can give some meaning to it. Now, the perspective to that purpose is individual.

For instance, if I quit my profession and start a NGO, most of my folks will feel, I am foolish and filling my life with trash.

But that so-called trash might be what rubbish is for a pig (who thinks it as a feast).

The question is whether I am happy with Trash or no :)

The resistance, more or less comes from the outer world. When I see my self as swimming opposite of the flow (getting out of the rat-race), initially I will certainly develop a negative feeling – Will I not sound insane getting out of the rat-race, which seems to be the actual happiness people are longing for?

PS: Not intending to contradict you, just presenting my perspective :)

Bhooshan comments -
-------------------------
Swimming against the flow is also a rat-race, no body does anything for free...

The bottom line is to understanding how we operate, and how best to position our assets (intellectual, material & social skills) to the right purpose…

It is futile to think whether we have made a difference to the world, the truth is – have we made a difference to ourselves, day in and day out?

Dilip adds -
------------
Absolutely true sir..

I believe, when you say nothing is for free, it’s not only to do with Money.

One always needs something out of it.

I might be digressing but this is like – Each and every individual is Selfish in this world.

I don’t intend to say that being selfish is bad. Selfish is something I do to attain something.

Even if I feed a beggar and attain peace and happiness, I am doing it for peace and happiness and that makes me selfish, IMHO.

11. Need.

2009-08-28T23:02:00.000-07:00

One has Money, needs Esteem
One has Esteem, needs Money
One has both, craves for Peace
O my Boy! What an Irony

One has Hunger, needs Food
One has Food, needs Hunger
One has both, wants to be served
O my Boy! What a Satire

One has Penny, wanna make Pound
One has Pound, can’t spend a Penny
One does both, still hunts for Joy
O my Boy! What an Irony

One has Shelter, needs Family
One has Family, needs Shelter
One has both, seeks Aloofness
O my Boy! What a Satire

Sometimes, life is taken as comedy
While, at times it’s all a tragedy
One day it all comes to an end
O my Boy! What a Parody

Suchit Comments -
The bard does not care,
For those who have neither,
Strange are miseries of fate,
But still does not make me any wiser!!

Dilip adds -
Besides there is one, who has neither
Thirsty is he for both, at least either…
Seldom found, who is happy with zero
I believe, he turns out to be the real hero

Suchit replies -
The real hero is the one,
Who has both but craves neither,
The world may be at his feet,
But its freedom that he is after!!

Dilip continues -
Having not having is all the same
Own and possess is all insane
Real hero is free and transcended
the body, heart, mind and brain

10. Seeking Forgiveness 09.

2009-08-23T22:21:00.002-07:00

According to Jainism, today is the day of seeking forgiveness. It comes once in a year.

With regards to the same – During the entire previous year, in case I have hurt you by means of mind, voice, body, heart, brain and soul, I seek heartfelt forgiveness with a hope that you will forgive me with all your heart.

I will strive hard for not repeating the deeds that hurt you.

9. Can('t) Live With(out).

2009-08-23T22:21:00.001-07:00

I can live with the current 2 bedroom apartment I am living in
My focus – I can’t live without a penthouse

I can live with regular food which is healthy and edible
My focus – I can’t live without the lip-smacking taste which I find only in variety of cuisines

I can live with the Toyota I possess now
My focus – I can’t live without a Mercedes C220 CDI

I can live with the Yamaha I ride these days
My focus – I can’t live without a Honda CBR 1000

I can live with my current earnings
My focus – I can’t live without earning no less than twice of what I am earning now

I can live with a few million I have in investments and banks
My focus – I can’t live without at least a billion bucks in my custody

I can live with the original personality
My focus – I can’t live without the “looking good” feeling

I can live with the simple fundamentals of life
My focus – I can’t live without boasting myself

I can live NOW
My focus – I can’t live NOW as I want to live in future which is uncertain

8. Different.

2009-08-21T03:12:00.000-07:00

While scanning through a life of a person who quit his job to do something that he was passionate about, the thought process initiated from within. This was nothing new. At many instances, thought processes have begun and without even realizing, ended.

Anyhow, doing something different always sounded frightening with a feeling of insecurity most of the times. There was this inherent feeling. Are these people who quit the regular profession for some fishy looking affair mad to go for it? If this is the case, why people around me (including me) run after money and position? Are they crazy to run all their lives after it? If I dare to be different, will I be considered as mad too?

Is this the only feeling which stops me from doing something different? May be not. There are other things as well. For instance, if I quit and after a while I don’t like the thing for which I quit, how will I face my friends and family? What if the feeling of deteriorating self (with regards to worldly pleasures) starts haunting my mind?

These questions will only stop once I develop a feeling of being different. In my first year of engineering, did I recognize what will happen once I become an engineer? Yes, I had a feeling of being a certified engineer. On the first day of my job, did I know how far am I gonna go? Yes, in my being, a successful professional was already created. When I started composing the first posting, did I have a feeling a completing 100 odd posts? Yes, a writer within was already born.

Similarly, once my passion comes into being, it will nurture and thrive. Open-ended questions and endless thoughts will simply act as a reason to kill it.

7. Priority.

2009-08-20T05:03:00.000-07:00

I was driving and someone from behind rammed into my car. Immediately, I applied brakes and came out fuming and turned around. Before I take the first step towards the car that collided into mine, I discovered that it was my cousin who was driving it. With a big grin, I greeted him. He smiled back too but there was a sheer embarrassment evident on his face. From within, I was still fuming which he would have comprehended as well.

What happened next is not vital. The analysis was all the more important and a good learning for me. Had it been some one else who banged into my car, I would have certainly taken him left and right. The incident was same but my outer behavior was quite dissimilar. Why does this happen?

It’s all because of the priorities set in my mind. In this incident, I preferred relations over fiscal loss. There are instances when real brothers fight over the assets and properties where as no where related people sit back and compromise.

Similarly, I need to observe and analyze what are the situations I come across in day to day life and my reactions depending on certain factors. This can also lead me to alter some unnecessary reactions. I may want to prefer a long term peace over short term fury, for instance.

6. What Next? - Opinions.

2009-08-18T02:33:00.001-07:00

Request - In my opinion, before reading this post, going through the post below this one can be a better choice.

The previous posting ended with a question. Hence I got some feedbacks on What Next?
The most common answer, rather opinion was – Embrace Spiritualism. The other opinion was to just live life as it comes - as an Observer. Whatever happens, develop a practice of observing it.

Spiritualism sounded just too fanciful. For me, being spiritual means getting into study and belief of something which is a relgious tradition followed since years and includes too many myths and no logic embedded whatsoever.

Being an observer seemed somewhat canny. The theory was to just observe everything happening around and not to react with all the involvement. Whenever it’s necessary to react, do it but being an observer in its entirety. For instance, I am standing at the window of my apartment and a visitor car comes in and bangs my neighbor’s car. Observing this, how will I react? If same thing happens with my car, how will I react? If there is absolutely no difference in the reaction, I am an observer in its totality.

Whatever has happened has happened. There are legal ways (set rules) to sort it out. The consequence of using those ways might result in anything but certainly just reacting adversely on the thing that has happened is not gonna help. If the result is in my favor, I feel happy and lucky and if not, I can and do blame my destiny. Sometimes, I start with blaming others (third-party, government, society and law) but then end up blaming my destiny. Ultimately, it’s all believed to be destined. Hence, accepting the destiny is a viable approach.

In this entire process, what I have done is observed and accepted. I am not neglecting the efforts put but surely there is no logical trail. Had there been a logical and systematic action-reaction-result cycle, life would have been all set for me. All my actions with an intention and preparation of getting successful would have resulted in success. I always feel – I can do this; In my absence, this can’t be controlled; I have the capability of turning the cards. With this feeling, I get into the intricacies of joy and grief resulting from success and failure respectively.

“If I do something and as a result of that, something should happen” is ok but if “should” is replaced by “must” and in reality if something that was considered as “must happen” doesn’t happen, I get dejected. “Should” can be considered as being an Observer and “Must” can be considered as being logical. It doesn’t mean that observers are illogical. Logic, here is taken as something what I can apply in an action and always expect to get a constant and set outcome.

Spiritualism, I believe is not way different than this. If I live a life of an observer, I can always be awake and alert in my actions. I start believing that not everything (crudely, nothing) is in my control. I accept calmly whatever happens. Neither triumph excites me nor does breakdown result in anguish. Hence, I can live in peace throughout. The ultimate goal of spiritualism is to live and rest in tranquility. Worshiping god, believing in his words, following his path are all ways and modes of attaining serenity.

“What Next?” might not have been replied to any extent but thinking on above opinions of spiritualism and observer, I do have the reply to “What Immediate Next?”

5. What Next?

2009-08-17T02:33:00.001-07:00

In the midst of timely-untimely, anticipated-unlikely and subtle-serious ups and downs, I can say my life has been lavish (in materialistic terms) over a period of last few years. Most of the times I did achieve what I craved for. By and large, I can quote – I have had all of it in almost all aspects.

Off-late, I have been feeling that I am getting detached with so many things I would yearn for earlier. I feel this kind of feeling is natural for a few reasons – I might have developed a momentary resistance; I might have experienced it so much that I don’t feel like sticking on to it anymore; I still am experiencing it so easily that I have lost the value of it; In theory I am prepared for staying without it but not in practicality.

Nevertheless, there have been a few jerks of aloofness which were neither intermittent not transitory but more of a lasting-for-a-while and regular. For instance, I would always love clubbing a lot but in last more than a year, I have hardly visited a couple of times and I accurately remember that I was not getting attached during those instances. Big deal (!!), as it’s really difficult - rather impossible for me to say just on the basis of analysis that how long this will last.

I don’t feel like reacting to all the situations that I would easily react earlier. I don’t feel like making a choice for all the petty stuff and spend time and energy after that. I love the state of being choiceless in most of the instances. I feel like accepting what is going around. I don’t see the end to this rat-race. I feel lost. I feel tired. I enjoy the state of being deprived. I simply strive to live life fully. Well, let me pinch my self and re-iterate that this is not an achievement as this doesn’t happen in its entirety. There are weak links that either go totally unnoticed or even if evident, I tend to stay with those.

As a common man, I would always dream of all those luxuries of life. Some of them achieved, some not. At this stage, I distinguish them into 3 categories – Out of reach, In-reach and In-between the first two. The things which are out of reach are like the grapes on the tree that hang at a height which is far more than mine. I simply eliminate thinking that they are sour. As a consequence, I feel stable and relaxed as I have taken that off my sight. The things which are In-reach are simply possessed and enjoyed as-is. The issue arises with the things In-between. I work hard to make some money to achieve and experience those. Lately, the In-between things have started getting into out of reach category which makes me feel happy and sort of, contented.

I don’t want to stop it here as there is something which is in-built and extremely dangerous. I want to maintain that standard of in-reach and soon-to-be in-reach stuff. I don’t wanna deteriorate myself and hence, a feeling of in-security always walks along. Although I am completely secured, the very thought of in-security haunts my mind more regularly than the feeling of the charm which is supposed to be experienced with all that I possess. Detachment goes for a toss.

Besides, as soon as I set a standard for myself and further scan through the reserved resources in my kitty, I feel like raising my standard. It starts getting far-fetched but I don’t realize it. I get into the vicious circle of hunger and thirst. Someday, I realize that upgrading my vehicle every 2 years is a good thing to do but the very next day of upgrading it fetches the same feeling of the earlier one, detachment makes a silent entry. I start feeling that this is the last vehicle I am upgrading. The benefits are really not reaped as they are supposed to be. Now very hardly pinching myself – This is not gonna last long and therefore, it’s not an achievement.

Supposedly, let me think what if this objectivity goes a little long way (and this happens too), with all my efforts and willingness. If I get disconnected with this world, where do I want myself to get connected? What do I need to do for that connection? What will that connection result in? What am I really looking for? Am I looking for a contentment which is never ending? Am I wishing for something which hardly anyone around me is wishing for? Am I looking for an experience of a life that I have never lived and am craving to live that experience forever? These and many other variants of these inquiries haunt my mind all day along.

At the end of such a thoughtful day, I really get so much tired that I just want to sleep and as soon as I recline on my bed, sleep vanishes because the thoughtful day might have come to an end in my perception, but not the thoughts. A day long hunt for happiness still appears as a hunt and now, before shutting my eyes, I want happiness in some form – be it physical, mental, physical followed by mental, emotional. Post experiencing this happiness, I feel that I am contended and can now sleep well, wake up fresh and get ready for a new day which will certainly be full of eternal bliss.

Isn’t it silly that I pass through the same phase each night not fearing that any night could be my last one?

What next? – is still a question.

4. In this world...

2009-08-17T02:31:00.000-07:00

In this (material) world...

Nothing is ever better than bad
Happiness is being relatively less sad
Still I wait for being completely happy
Can I be called, anything else than mad?

3. Move on...

2009-08-12T05:01:00.001-07:00

The wheel of time moves on with its regular speed.

Neither it decelerates nor does it stop.
Neither is goes backward nor does it hop.

There are so many things and incidents in life that either brings me to a standstill or makes me fly in near or distant future. Why does that happen? If it does happen, does it really help? Is getting stuck always necessary?

Can I not plan and determine to move on? Rather, can I not start moving on? Is it mandatory to cling on the past and stay there for a while without realizing the significance of the present moment?

“Move on” (and that too constantly with time) is the key. Something happens – Feel it, forget it and move on.

Be it a task, act and move on…
Be it a mistake, rectify and move on…
Be it a risk, mitigate and move on…
Be it a choice, make and move on…
Be it an idea, implement and move on…
Be it a race, run and move on…
Be it a path, walk and move on…
Be it an experience, feel and move on…
Be it a relevant thought, work on it and move on…
Be it an irrelevant thought, move on…

The posting ends here, time to move on to the next one :)

2. What am I waiting for?

2009-08-10T23:06:00.000-07:00

In each moment, there is life and more
Go ahead and live it fully therefore
Smile, be happy and add to the score
Remember, there is infinite in the store

What am I waiting for? What am I waiting for?

All that comes along do accept and adore
Always have positive thoughts in the fore
Negative if appear kick’em off the backdoor
Think big, act bigger, target for a crore (slang for 10 million)
Think big, act bigger, target for the core

What am I waiting for? What am I waiting for?

Inside the ocean, there is a lot to explore
Don’t spend time wandering on the shore
Use to the fullest, body mind and the lore
Live a life that doesn’t turn out to be a bore

What am I waiting for? What am I waiting for?

1. Happiness.

2009-08-10T22:17:00.000-07:00

Happiness is not absolute, it’s relative. This clichéd statement has been heard by me a lot of times. I do comprehend this but fail to realize it the way it should be realized.

How can “waiting for some one for hours under the scorching sun” generate happiness? On the contrary, how can “traveling in a luxury car on a scenic route towards a dream destination” not generate happiness?

Happiness is something which can be felt. Can I keep on waiting for the happiness to be generated and then feel it? By the time it gets completely generated, it’s all over; craving for next happiness initiates subtly.

In one of my earlier posts, I have written about asking a few people “When will you be happy?” In my opinion, the theory answer to this should be – I am happy now.

To add some practicality, I would like to go ahead and do 13-point check with myself.

1) Am I really happy now, where “now” is the very moment?
2) Am I confident that I have the potential to stay happy for ever?
3) Do I believe that no one can grant me happiness?
4) Do I feel that no one can snatch away my happiness?
5) Do I think that in the process of generating happiness, I do come across a lot of hassles and sad phases?
6) All that I crave, is it really required?
7) If all that I crave is required, is it required for my need or to boast myself?
8) Have I imbibed a feeling that if I look happy amongst others, I am better off and that is the real happiness?
9) Do I ever get a thought that making others happy is above all the happiness in this world?
10) Can I be happy enjoying oneness with self?
11) Can I stay happy with minimal requirements related to food, clothing and shelter?
12) Do all the worldly pleasures generating happiness makes me feel content always?
13) Shall I become happy and complete, once I have the feeling of an unending contentment?

Happiness is absolutely relative and irrespective of the answers to the above points, it is.

7. Rain.

2009-07-29T04:48:00.000-07:00

I put on my striped shorts and a grey colored v-neck tee, came out of the bedroom with rug sack on my shoulders. My mom said – Beta, It’s a weekday and where are you off too? I replied – Office mom, of course. Before she could respond, I had already stepped down.

I had determined to ride my two-wheeled black beast to the office although it was pouring. I wanted to make the 12 km ride simply worth. It was a unique day as I was not at all in a hurry to finish 12 km of my journey. Normally, I would take around 40 minutes which is quite acceptable as per Mumbai standards – be it infrastructure, be it the driving conditions or be it the heaps on vehicles on narrow roads of a maximum city.

With no wonders, I encountered a heavy traffic just before the flyover which connects the east and west part of my suburb separated by the life line of Mumbai i.e. the local rail. Although thankfully there is no lane-following mechanism and particularly two-wheeled beasts are in fact allowed and supposed to find their own way putting all their skills and creativity, this one was no easy bet. I was motionless for around 30 seconds and trust me; this is seriously insulting for almost any rider in the city.

Anticipating this state of no-motion to last longer, I chose to get off the bike and enjoy the unlimited shower under the sky directly from the ultimate source. In the midst of tons of people, I was simply with myself for those moments. Enthralling experience, it was. The best part, ironically was still the traffic was at a stand-still.

There was nothing surreal about it but I felt so blessed when I discovered a bhajji vendor. I couldn’t resist my self to give him an opportunity to serve me and make some money. I grabbed a plate of bhajji (a spicy Mumbai dish) along with a cutting chai (half glass tea). I was delighted after digging the food in my stomach through my tongue where all the taste was experienced.

The traffic had started moving and with mixed feelings I hopped on the bike and started cruising towards office. I reached office totally drenched but was more than happy till the time I flashed in my ID card. In no time, I rushed towards the wash room, changed my attire and came out in my business formals. It was like a beginning of new chapter where I started feeling it like any other day, pretending that nothing had happened in past one hour.

The Microsoft outlook reminder for the business meeting was good enough to erase the experience and get back to the rat race.

6. I am that.

2009-07-26T23:20:00.000-07:00

The very moment I visited the planet earth, I felt I exist.

As I started growing up, my parents and folks started fulfilling my wishes and demands, I felt I am blessed.

During my school days, I scored good marks and came up with flying colors; I felt I am an achiever.

A bunch of girls flocking around during my teens made me feel, I am loved.

I am a style icon was the feeling I had during the beginning of my youth.

My first job in a trans-national corporation gave me a feeling of pride. I felt I am a white-collared professional.

Umpteen parents wanting their daughter to marry me generated an above-all feeling within. I felt I am in-demand.

I felt I am the best and hence I got the best mate when I got married to the girl of my choice.

With an immense rise in money, position and esteem, I felt I am success.

The day my wife told me she was expecting, I felt I am a man.

I became a father of a lovely doll and that was the moment I felt I am on the top of this world.

I started putting several feathers in my cap with my new establishments which made me feel, I am a victor.

In due course of time, I started losing my health and I felt, I have no control over my body that I have always treated as the closest to self.

One day, I quit the planet earth and realized that I am nothing.

Irony of the situation is such that, even with a feeling of nothing, I am still attaching “I am” with it.

5. Mujhe aisi jagah le jao (?).

2009-07-22T23:49:00.000-07:00

Dilip exhibits his hypocrisy by writing -

Mujhe aisi jagah le jao…
Jaha naa ho cell, internet na ho email
Naa koi raftaar – bike gaadi na rail…
Naa koi bhaag daud, na koi jhanjhat
naa ye badi duniya, jo waakai me hai jail (well, jail lagti nahi hai wohi taklif hai :()

Mujhe aisi jagah le jao…
Jaha ho keval sacche anand ka khel
Khud aur Khuda ka ho aisa taal mel
Aisa jo jeevan ho, wohi saarthak hai
Warna is paribrhaman me, ek aur bhav fail :(

Mujhe aisi jagah le jao..
Jaha ant ho jaaye is bhav bhraman ka khel

Suchit replies with an eye-opener

Mat ro magar-machh ke aasoon,
Nahi hai tere til mein koi tel,

Daal-bhaat ki baat kya kare,
Tujhe chahiye sirf pizza aur bhel,

Badalnaa hai to yahi khud ko badal,
Warna kahegi duniya tujh ko bail.(bull)

Tujhe kidhar nahi jaane milega,
Kyo ki jaa kar tu banega bandar with tail !!

Thank you Suchit :)

4. Ferrari & Mumbai.

2009-07-22T05:14:00.000-07:00

There was this guy who would tell
If I have Ferrari, life will be all well
He got one and in its love he fell
joy didn’t last long, soon he had to yell
cos after a driving attempt in Mumbai
the only option he had was to sell

3. Dil se...

2009-07-16T00:35:00.001-07:00

Bande ko hona hai safal har kaam me
Usey chahiye har cheez waajib daam me
Uski khushi hai keval paise aur naam me
Dikhna hai usko sab se alag, avaam me

Iske liye, bhaagta hai wo, jee jaan se
dartaa nahi, bhook pyaas aur thakaan se
ek hi prarthana karta hai wo bhagwaan se
Jeeni hai usko poori zindagi aaraam se

'aaraam' shabd reh jaata hai jubaan pe
jaagta hai wo zindagi ki aakhri shaam pe
lutaa di poori zindagi, jis haseen anjaam pe
hoth bhi nahi pahuchte, bhare hue us jaam pe

ye sab baatein likhni bahut aasaan hai
kitaaben bhar ke shunya ka saamaan hai
us 'ek' ki khoj hi keval parinaam hai
baaki, zindagi jeyo na jeyo, sab samaan hai

------------------------------------------

Khud ki taarif karte hue apna ye bayaan hai...

Baat sirf faayde aur nuksaan ki nahi…
Baat sirf raah aur makaam ki nahi…
Jo baat dil se nikle usme hi mazaa hai…
Baaki to koi bhi baat kisi kaam ki nahi…

2. Cause and Effect.

2009-07-15T05:01:00.001-07:00

While conversing with one of my friend a couple of days back on the much talked topic of attachment, something clicked my mind and I started my lecture as usual.

When I want to get detached with something or someone, I normally tend to focus on the effect. I say – I wanna get rid off the attachment I am having for that person. If I give a little focus on the cause – the very reason of the happening of attachment, I might be able to deep dive into a different (or should I say correct) perspective. What causes an attachment is the question I need to ask myself.

If I strive to get rid off the cause, I can get detached in a more structured and linear fashion.

1. Like.

2009-07-10T04:31:00.001-07:00

I was talking to one of my friend regarding one of my female friend and our relations. He promptly told me – You are in love with her. Before I say anything, he continued – Not accurately though but you are more of a habituated and it seems like love. In short, there is a thin wall.

Well, I didn’t even want to ponder this particular thought still I responded – When I feel comfortable with some one, I start feeling that I love that person. Usually my focus in on the result i.e. love but if I divert my focus to the process there can be some more thought given.

I want to divert my focus on my liking, my comfort. At times, I am so much engrossed watching a game that I just wanna continue doing it till it ends. I just like that very thing at that time. I really don’t want anything to happen or anyone to be around, not even in my thoughts. After it finishes, I might feel the need of something (someone) which (whom) I love.

This happens everyday in my life. All I care about it my liking and my comfort. If I don’t experience what I like, either I go ahead and strive for this experience to happen or I simply react and fight against what happened.

Anyhow, now I am not liking to write anymore and I want to switch over to Friday night celebrations with my liked folks :)

4. New York.

2009-06-29T02:11:00.000-07:00

What is terrorism? This is something which I believe each one of us would know. Why does it happen? This is also something which more or less each one of do judge and understand.

Kabir Khan goes one step ahead and does some Root Cause Analysis on ‘making of a terrorist out of a common man’. How a frivolous university dude is detained by FBI and persecuted for nine long months with absolutely no fault on his part and going further, this engulfed guy decides to come back with a vengeance by spreading terror and as a result of that he makes a brutal plan. This is all about Aditya Chopra produced intense fare titled New York.

Although Kabul Express was a better flick in my opinion, this one doesn’t stand far either. The casting would have required a profound thinking. John is not that bad but either he could have done better or some one else could have given better justice as a protagonist. He is redundantly loud in some scenes. Neil, who is a potentially sound artiste, somehow fails here – mainly because of the weak portrayal. Katrina has acted well but her on-screen contribution is relatively less. Irrfan who takes the maximum footage, excels in the role of a suavely diplomatic FBI officer. He certainly deserves applaud for his performance. Nawazzudin shines is his small but significant role as Zilgai.

The music and background score by Pritam Chakraborty, Pankaj Awasthi and Julius Packiam is not-too-bad. “Yaaron” is nice, while “Mere sang” (minus appalling lyrics) is also decent. Aseem Mishra has handled the cinematography department quite well but still he deserves 8 on 10. Rameshwar Bhagat should have used more sharp scissors on the editing front which seems to be a bit overlooked. Kabir, as quoted above has handled the subject in a matured manner.

Overall, an excellent but not-so-exceptional fare. My verdict 7/10.

PS: Kabir, just in case if you are reading this - After making movies on terrorism with Afgan and USA backdrop, please do attempt a movie on desi terrorism aka politics in India. You may want to choose name of any city you like (as you have done with both your flicks).

3. Purpose.

2009-06-22T23:43:00.000-07:00

All my life, I have strived
to turn in pink, that was blue
First, I tore my life apart
And then I attempted to sew

In the midst of all, I failed
To live those moments few
Which were rare and precious
Couldn’t be bargained in Lieu

Time to live up will come later,
That will be way different & new
All that mattered was running hard
dreaming of pink & making it true

Alas! Running came to an end
The only conclusion I then drew
blue or pink didn’t matter
until I realized Why did I live?

2. Money.

2009-06-18T21:23:00.000-07:00

Paise ki daud mein zindagi khatam ho jaayegi and before you realize ki zindagi khatam ho jaayegi, zindagi already khatam ho chuki hogi

The above line quoted by a very dear friend of mine literally mean – During the money-race, life will come to an end and before you realized that life is coming to an end, it would have already ended.

Probably or rather most definitely, each one of us know this. What is the thing that makes me run after money? This is a very clichéd question I would have asked myself and others umpteen times.

The only 3 words that come to my mind are Love, Longing and Belonging. I feel these are the 3 precise things which make me run after anything and everything. It’s not always that I don’t want to live life or I forget to live life. If the feeling of Love, Longing and Belonging is more inclined towards living life, then that is it.

I don’t say that I need not long for money but of course my focus should be on longing towards the reason for which I am making money. Also, to live a “quality” life, I need to have money i.e. there should be some amount of money that belongs to me. Rather than money belonging to me, I start belonging to money and just love and long for it till the close of play.

Sincere gratitude towards Jimit who made such a pragmatic statement which put me in shatters but on the other hand rejoiced me too thinking I have still a long way to go even if I start living life today. :)

1. Opportunity.

2009-06-15T23:07:00.000-07:00

Opportunity is a noun defined in dictionary as a possibility due to a favorable combination of circumstances.

I want to ask myself – What if the circumstances are not favorable. Does the possibility diminish? Is there no opportunity left?

Can I not create one albeit the circumstances are unfavorable or less favorable? The immediate answer would be – It’s difficult. I mean, it’s difficult to turn the adverse conditions into constructive.

Having said that, I would also simultaneously focus on the quote – Opportunities don’t just always happen. They are created. If I need to create something, at the first stance, I should refrain from judging it to be easy or hard.

The key is to consider the current situation as zero – rather than positive or negative and start orchestrating the way forward steps and come up with a Project Plan for any sort of opportunity I need to explore. Further, there are a lot of more steps involved towards research and implementation which is not the intention of writing this composition.

The purpose is to think about creating an opportunity and not waiting for the opportunity to arrive; neither waiting for the circumstances to be favorable.

Since almost 3 weeks, I was waiting for an opportunity and it was - "A very strong topic need to click my mind for composing the century blog of my life"

4. Excerpts.

2009-05-27T04:48:00.000-07:00

These are not any great excerpts. They might not be worth your time. Still you may want to go ahead and risk it.

These days I am attending a training course and I just happened to note down some lines while I was feeling sleepy during the post-lunch session. Here we go.

We can add new table to the given structure. In the tables list, you have a provision of adding new records.

You cannot add a new table. You can add an extended or extension or explosive table

Ideal scenario is you copy and then succeed. You use the existing template file and bingo. There you are.

Modification is the key. Creation from scratch is Foolish. Fine?

You should go from Top to Down, not Bottom.

How do you create a development environment? Simple – Cut & Paste some one else’s environment.

Develop an local repository first. Use master repository and work on it come on. Don’t ask more now.

Go for a simple and better choice. It works in IT. Use Siebel something mechanism to do all work. How and Why is immaterial here. We have to have to have to have a separate developer. He is not merely an employee. He has to has to has to be a back end user. This is must. All needs to be done at the server side.

Initialize and Populate. Only 2 steps to be followed.

Odbc data source. Install. Ok? All data based yes, data based activities need to be taken care off.

When you install Siebel it creates obdc data base connection. How do we create a data base connection? Good question but then google it. Google helps.

What is mobile client? For this, google merely won’t help. Use Google Mobile

Look at the screen. It is very clumsy. Still you got to understand it. No choice. All the access is given to you.

There is certain routing model to help the user who is disconnected. The other option is to use a GPS which helps in directing the lost user.

Ideally you will be login in as penguin. Just a user name. You human properties don’t change. Not to worry.

You will get a list of tables. Not all data will be extracted. Only migrated data will be visible, that too after the immigration checks done.

First check out and once the work is done, check in. It’s free. It’s ok if you don’t have a credit card.

There is a lab exercise for it but not sure if you will be interested. If you like, please do else take a tea break. Do come if you wish and if you have finished 8 hours, you may want to go home.

3. 30.

2009-05-21T23:16:00.001-07:00

Turning 30 today doesn’t make me feel happy. So What? It’s still my day and I want to enjoy it to the fullest with more and more life to encounter each day, each moment. Quite contradictory, huh! Nothing strange about it, I am such and have always been making contradictory statements over three decades of my life. Here is one more.

Nevertheless, on one hand I don’t feel that past 3 decades have been significant but on the other, they were neither trivial as well. It’s all relative.

Especially, when I start comparing my self with peers, the very first thought of staying behind in the rat-race makes me feel dejected. Still, I see myself way ahead of others for the reasons that are considered to be quite neglected – be it happiness, love, entertainment, luxury, spending (some may say, wasting) money, illogical decisions, strong craving for Merc C220 CDI in these tough times, etc. Well, I don’t intend to say that people don’t crave for happiness or love or luxury. Neither do I say that there are no other people who are ahead of me in that. It’s just a thought that passes through my mind today.

Unaware of my goal, Ignorant about the purpose of life, I am just letting the time flow and living it to the extent I feel the best. Hence, I don’t feel like making any resolutions and doing any analysis about the past, present and future.

Just wanna wish my self a very happy birthday :-)