3. Determination (Nirnay)?!.

Over time I have come across many swadhyays (sermons), scriptures, books, and pieces of spiritual literature that are extremely powerful and deeply thought-provoking.

Spiritual mentors, teachers, and sacred texts consistently invest immense energy and effort in guiding seekers and in raising awareness about the true purpose of life. The intention behind such teachings i.e. the upliftment and awakening of each soul is very evident.

For this continuous guidance that flows through various mentors, scriptures, and traditions over long periods of time, I feel deeply grateful, though words are inadequate to fully express that gratitude.

One of the most unique aspects of Jain philosophy is that even if I am blessed with the presence of God, Guru, and compassionate spiritual guides, ultimately nothing will change unless I walk the path myself.

In my case, I can only say:

“Aayu bhoge vadhe chhe sansaar.” (Sansaar is increasing at the cost of this life)

As days pass, I observe that cravings (raag), aversions (dwesh), delusion (moh), attachment (potaapanu), and the sense of doership (kartapanu) often remain intact and sometimes even grow stronger. There seems to be very little real brake applied on either my internal or external parigrah.

There is still no firm determination (nirnay) to truly attack and weaken moh, raag, and dwesh.

I also realise that I have subtly compartmentalized life into sansaar and adhyatma.

Spending a few hours in spiritual activity and the rest of the day immersed in worldly involvement can sometimes create the illusion that meaningful progress is being made.

However, when I introspect honestly, this appears to be a misunderstanding. If ignorance (agnaan) remains intact, the attraction toward infinite worldly existence continues every fraction of a second.

What is truly required is to weave adhyatma into life in such a way that externally it may appear that worldly life continues as usual, but internally a transformation begins. Gradually the deeper enemies aham (ego) and mamatva (mineness) begin to weaken.

Often there is a tendency to speak about discipline, vows, and spiritual practices. But upon deeper reflection it becomes evident that many of these efforts may remain at a superficial level. At times, vows and practices may even strengthen my external image, while the inner determination for genuine transformation remains weak.

This realization itself serves as a reminder that unless there is a clear and sincere determination (nirnay) to dissolve the inner sansaar, the mind can easily create subtle consolations that generate a sense of satisfaction without real progress.

There is a sincere wish to continue the effort that is currently being made in spiritual practice and even increase it. But more importantly, the real work lies in living with constant alertness, awareness, and mindfulness — satatam, nityam, chiram.

Once again, deep gratitude arises for all the time, energy, wisdom, and compassion that spiritual mentors, sacred literature, and divine guidance continuously offer to me.

Whether transformation actually happens or not ultimately depends on how sincerely I act upon this guidance.

If no real action is taken, the loss is entirely mine; and it would also mean failing to honor the immense efforts and energies that countless mentors and teachings have invested in awakening this understanding.

2. Reflection on Vows (Niyam).

 *_Reflection on Vows (Niyam)_*

Whenever I take a vow (niyam), a certain pressure immediately arises within me.

The mind says: _Now you must follow this._

And then a question arises within:

Why do I need this pressure at all?

Is the pressure required because I am not disciplined about that particular action?

And if I am not disciplined about it, then the deeper question becomes:

Why am I not disciplined?

Perhaps because somewhere within I do not truly feel its necessity.

Or 

Perhaps I do not genuinely see the benefit it brings.

If that is the case, then what actually happens when I take a vow?

*Several possibilities appear.*

1) Forced Compliance

I may begin to follow the vow forcibly.

Outwardly the action continues, but inwardly it feels like a burden.

The vow is being followed, but the heart resists it.

When the action continues without inner acceptance, discipline may exist externally while resistance continues internally.

2) Ego Satisfaction

Another possibility is more subtle.

If I succeed in following the vow, the mind may begin to whisper: _See how well I am following this discipline._

If the vow was originally meant to serve a higher purpose, that purpose can slowly move into the background.

Attention shifts from the purpose behind the vow to the successful performance of the vow itself.

In such a situation the vow remains, but the spirit behind it weakens.

3) Psychological Consolation

Sometimes the vow can become a psychological consolation.

Following it creates the feeling that something meaningful is being done. The mind feels satisfied.

Encouraged by this satisfaction, one vow may lead to another.

Occasionally this even takes the shape of subtle comparison or competition.

Yet the deeper inner transformation may remain limited.

4) Social Pressure

There is also the situation where a vow is suggested or asked for in public.

If internally I am not ready, it becomes difficult to refuse.

Why?

I may want to maintain the relationship with the person suggesting it.

I may want to protect my image.

I may fear disappointing a senior.

I may feel uncomfortable saying no in front of others.

In such cases the vow may not arise from conviction but from social pressure and image management.

*The Role of Understanding*

Due to all of the above, one thing appears unavoidable:

_"Understanding the true benefit and purpose of a vow is essential."_

If I clearly see the benefit and genuinely desire that outcome, the vow can become a powerful support.

In fact, I would naturally move toward that path.

*An Analogy: Physical Health*

Consider a simple example.

Suppose I realise that my body is ageing.

Someone advises me:

_"If you exercise regularly, you will maintain better health and possibly experience fewer health issues."_

I ask what to do.

The suggestion comes:

_"Take a vow to exercise for one hour, six days a week."_

Now imagine I take that vow.

Soon the mind begins presenting its arguments:

My body is already reasonably fine.

Ageing will happen anyway.

Many people live well without exercising regularly.

Why complicate life with strict discipline?

Gradually the vow begins to feel heavy.

Eventually I may either abandon it or reduce it, and life returns to its earlier pattern.

*The Real Question*

So perhaps the real question is not the vow itself.

The real question is:

Do I truly feel the need for the benefit that the vow promises?

If I genuinely feel the need to remain healthy, I will naturally make efforts toward it.

The vow may support that effort, but the effort itself arises from clarity of purpose, not merely from the vow.

*Extending the Analogy to Spiritual Life*

The same reasoning can be extended to spirituality.

Do I truly feel that:

the body is temporary,

the soul continues beyond this life,

and therefore caring for the soul is as important as caring for the body?

This understanding must arise through my own vivek (intellect), not merely because others say so.

If that inner recognition is absent, spiritual vows may end up serving other purposes.

They may:

protect my public image,

bring appreciation from others,

and / or create satisfaction that I am doing something spiritual.

However, these very tendencies viz. ego, desire for appreciation, attachment to image, and comparison with others, are precisely the tendencies that spiritual practice is meant to gradually reduce.

If spiritual practices unintentionally strengthen those tendencies, the original intention of the practice becomes compromised.

*Determination vs. Formal Vows*

If I genuinely recognise the need for inner purification, effort will naturally continue.

Consider "Work / Office".

Do I need a vow to go to work every day?

No.

Why? Because it is already clear:

I want to "EARN MONEY / POWER" (clarity of benefit / determination), therefore I must "WORK".

Even when I take a vacation, people may think I am not working.

However, internally it remains clear that after the vacation, I will return to work _(at times, mentally I am working on the vacation also)_ .

The determination remains intact.

The vow becomes unnecessary.

*The Counterargument*

Of course, there is another valid perspective.

For countless lifetimes, Raag (attachment), Dwesh (aversion), and Moh (delusion) have conditioned the mind.

Due to this deep conditioning, structured vows can act as protective boundaries that help prevent spiritual negligence and help safeguard the rare opportunity of human birth.

This argument is reasonable.

However, even in this case the effectiveness of vows still depends on the presence of inner clarity and determination.

Without that, vows can unintentionally strengthen the very tendencies they were meant to weaken.

*The Honest Observation*

Through reading scriptures, attending swadhyays, listening to sermons, and performing rituals, I notice something within myself.

I do enjoy these activities to some extent.

The concepts are intellectually clear.

Yet "accepting" them fully at the deepest level still remains a challenge.

This is because somewhere at the core, the primary concern continues to be the well-being of the body and worldly life.

*The Risk*

If the determination to work for the benefit of the soul is not strong, then even spiritual practices may unintentionally end up strengthening:

Raag

Dwesh

Moh

instead of gradually dissolving them.

*The Real Work*

Therefore the most important effort may not simply be about accumulating vows.

The deeper work may be to examine the goal itself.

What is the true target?

Is the goal genuinely soul purification?

Is there a real desire to weaken "Moh"?

Until this determination becomes clear and stable, vows may remain external structures rather than inner transformations.

*An Important Clarification*

This reflection is not an argument against taking vows.

Vows have a meaningful and respected place in spiritual practice.

However, it is essential to ensure that when a vow is taken, it arises from genuine determination toward its purpose and benefit.

Otherwise there is a risk that the vow may unintentionally become:

a means of protecting one’s image,

a source of subtle ego,

a burden carried out under pressure,

a form of spiritual showmanship,

and / or 

simply a way of conforming to social expectations.

This needs to be pondered over with utmost honesty and intellect. 

Since infinity (anant kaal), infinite vows have been followed but to the greatest extent, an honest pondering, an intellectual view and the determination / target was misaligned / missing.

Anyway, the real purpose of a vow should always remain inner transformation, not external validation.

*Conclusion*

Perhaps the most important reflection is not merely:

Which vows should I take?

But rather:

Do I truly want the destination that these vows are meant to lead me toward?

If that destination becomes clear and meaningful, discipline will naturally arise.

The path, then, will not be driven by pressure, but by understanding, honesty and determination.

1. Purusharth, Awareness and Illusion.

 *Purusharth, Awareness and the Illusion of “I”*

Purusharth (Effort) is necessary in life. Without effort nothing moves forward. But becoming attached to one’s own effort is where illusion begins.

There needs to be a constant awareness within that I am not the centre of everything that is happening. What is happening in the world is a flow of many causes coming together. My role is mainly to remain aware and watch carefully.

When an action happens, when I try to solve a problem, when I respond to a situation, the tendency of the mind is to say:

“I did this.”

“I solved this.”

“This happened because of me.”

This sense of “I am the doer” slowly grows into ego, expectation and attachment.

Instead, the approach should be different.

Effort may happen through me, but my role is to observe that effort with awareness. I must watch how the mind reacts, how the senses behave, how responses arise, and how actions unfold.

The involvement of “I” should remain limited only to being aware; the watcher, the observer, the witness of the entire process.

Effort happens because I exist, but my effort alone is not the sole cause of results.

---

*_The Problem of Desire and Expectation_*

Once effort begins, desire quietly follows.

I start thinking:

I have worked hard

I deserve a particular outcome

The results should come as I expect

From there another chain begins; expectations from people, situations and outcomes.

However, this expectation itself is built on a flawed assumption that my effort alone determines the result.

Reality does not work that way.

---

*_Three Facts Worth Remembering_*

1. Everyone is acting from their own expectations. Every person in this world is acting based on their own desires, fears, expectations and karmic tendencies. People are not here primarily to fulfil my expectations. Sometimes their expectations may align with mine. Many times they will not.

2. Situations will not always support my effort. Even if I make sincere effort, circumstances may not cooperate. Conditions in the world are constantly changing. Effort alone does not guarantee favourable situations.

3. Jain philosophy explains five causes behind every event. Jainism explains that every outcome arises from a combination of five Samavāya Kāraṇ (co-operating causes). More in detail below 👇 

These five are: 

Time

કાળ

Intrinsic nature of a thing

સ્વભાવ

Universal order / inevitability

નિયતિ

That which is destined to occur

ભવિતવ્યતા

Individual effort

પુરુષાર્થ

When an event happens, all five causes operate together. Effort is only one among them.

*_The Illusion Around Effort_*

Even if I give 100% effort, effort is still only one factor out of five.

In a simplified way, I may think of it as roughly 20% influence, while the other four causes also need to align.

Yet the human mind behaves differently.

When something succeeds, I immediately say:

I did it.

It happened because of my effort.

I was confident it would happen.

This confidence easily turns into ego and illusion.

In reality, such certainty is logically weak because the outcome was dependent on multiple causes, not just my effort.

*_Returning to the Original Point_*

This brings me back to the starting thought.

Effort must certainly be made. Avoiding effort is not the path.

What is essential, nonetheless, is awareness while making the effort.

I should keep reminding myself:

I am doing the purusharth that is in my control.

The result will depend on the alignment of the five causes.

Therefore attachment to the outcome is irrational.

My responsibility is only to make sincere effort and remain aware of the entire process.

*_The Deeper Spiritual Context_*

From a Jainism perspective, the ultimate goal is liberation of the soul.

In this journey, both puṇya (merit) and paap (demerit) bind the soul through karma. One may feel pleasant and the other unpleasant, but both still keep the soul within the cycle of bondage.

Therefore what becomes important is continuous alertness and awareness.

I must watch:

"my" actions

"my" reactions

"my" desires

"my" ego

"my" expectations

"my" virtues and my vices

_("my" is not "I", it is what I have perceived as "my")_

Everything must be observed with clarity.

This awareness slowly weakens attachment to “I” and “mine” in worldly matters.

That "awareness", that continuous inner "alertness", is at the heart of what Jain philosophy teaches.

In the end, the path becomes simple in principle:

Doing the purusharth that is in "my" hands.

Remaining aware while doing it.

Not becoming attached to the action or the result...

...because liberation will come not from controlling the world, but from seeing clearly what is happening within.

🙏

3. The Real Benefit.

 All the senses and the mind remain intensely active throughout the day. The eyes see, the ears hear, the tongue speaks/eats, the nose smells, the body acts, the mind interprets, reacts, plans, judges. 

Almost every waking moment, the six instruments are engaged in something or the other. 

In that continuous engagement arises a subtle but persistent narrative: I did this. I am doing this. I will do that.

Alongside this activity, judgments are constantly formed; about myself and about others. Opinions are generated, conclusions are drawn. 

Advice flows; sometimes requested, often unsolicited.

 

I notice myself imposing my views, expecting others to accept them, wanting them to listen, to agree, to acknowledge.

At the same time, when opinions or advice come toward me, resistance arises. Who is that person to advise me? Who is this human to judge me? Who gave them the authority to impose their views on me? I do not wish to be instructed, corrected, or evaluated. 

I seek freedom for myself, yet subtly deny it to others.

In all of this i.e. every task, every interaction, every reaction, the focus remains outward. The senses and the mind are constantly projecting themselves into the world. 

Even during spiritual activities, the “I” remains at the center. 

Consciously or subconsciously, it is still about me; my understanding, my growth, my image, my (fake/temporary) identity.

_Raag_ and _Dwesh_ continue their cycles. Attachment and aversion operate silently but powerfully. _Moh_ (Delusion) underlies the entire movement. 

The attempts to break this chain do happen at times, but the focus is still outward. Hence, the attempt itself becomes part of the same loop.

The mind offers consolation: _You have a life to live. Some things are justified. Responsibilities exist. Engagement is necessary. And perhaps it is right at one level._ 

Beneath that justification arises a deeper question:

Am I trapping myself?

Am I subtly playing with my real identity (the true Self) by remaining absorbed in this outward drama?

If I am honest, most of my time (perhaps ALL of it) is invested in maintaining and protecting what is fragile and temporary: the body, the personality, the social identity, the mental constructs. 

Everything I nurture and defend will end with the passing of this life.

Am I truly thinking beyond this life? 

Am I really thinking beyond this life? 

Am I actually thinking beyond this life?

Are my spiritual activities genuinely aligned with designing a roadmap toward liberation? 

Or 

Are they another extension of ego; a refined layer of self-importance? 

Am I still trying to prove something to this material world and to worldly people?

If I look within without fabrication, without justification, without hypocrisy: 

Am I truly eligible to impose opinions, to offer advice, to speak of others’ wellbeing, when I myself remain incomplete, still learning, still clouded, still an _agyaani_?

Perhaps it is time to "PAUSE"; to "Step Back".

I need to reflect deeply on what it means to live rightly in this material world.

A revered saint once expressed it simply:

If one sees the world as a manifestation of the Self;

accepts whatever happens as 100 percent fully appropriate;

does not look for faults in others;

and is able to endure & humbly bear the excellence of one’s own virtues;

only then is it appropriate to live in this world; not in any other way.

These thoughts surfaced today not as philosophy, but as lived observation.

Probably, the real benefit (MY true benefit) lies not in defending the outward identity, but in dissolving it.

2. The Empty Boat.

 I keep saying and doing the same thing.

“When I enter the temple, I disconnect from the world.”

“When I step out, I reconnect.”

I’ve been repeating this since infinity _(Anant Kaal)_.

Entering. Exiting. Detaching. Reattaching.

An infinite loop.

And somehow, I still expect a different outcome, always!

Let me "Pause" for a moment.

If this cycle has no beginning, and I continue it unchanged, how exactly do I imagine it will end?

That question itself shakes me up.

What I call the"World"; Where is it really?

Outside me?

Or operating within me?

I go to sacred spaces searching for silence, blaming noise on streets, people, responsibilities, circumstances. 

I treat peace like a location; as if it lives inside the People, their behaviour, External factors, Stone walls and disappears the moment I cross the gate.

Here I remember the story of "Empty boat".

A man rows into the middle of a calm lake to meditate.

Absolute stillness. Perfect conditions.

Then suddenly.... _"Bangggg"_. 

His boat is hit from behind.

Anger rises instantly. Words form. Judgment appears.

He turns around, ready to explode.

And sees….. An "Empty Boat"

No person. No intention. No enemy.

Just drift.

In that moment, something breaks open.

He realizes that the disturbance never came from outside.

The noise was already within; inside him.

His beliefs.

His expectations.

His attachments.

His _raag_ and _dwesh_.

His stored reactions waiting for a trigger.

And overall whatever he felt was "His".

The empty boat merely touched what was already there.

That’s when it hits me.

The world I keep blaming is nothing but an empty boat.

People bump into me. Situations collide with my plans. Life refuses to behave.

And every time, I react as if someone is attacking me.

However, it is:

Just a movement.

Merely a flow.

Only a causality.

It is my inner turbulence that gives it "meaning".

So what am I really doing when I go to the temple?

Am I touching the silence or temporarily suppressing the "noise" that I have tagged it as noise?

Am I disconnecting from the "world" or taking a short break from myself?

...because the moment I step out, everything returns.

Same triggers.

Same reactions.

Same stories.

This tells me something that can make me feel "uncomfortable":

I never left the world.

I carried it with me.

If peace depends on geography, it is fragile.

If silence depends on surroundings, it is borrowed.

If calmness depends on people / their behavior, it is foolishness.

Real disconnection is not from traffic, people, or responsibilities.

It is from unawareness / unconsciousness.

Until I see this, I will keep performing the same ritual:

Enter sacred space → feel calm → exit → react → blame the world → repeat.

Infinity minus awareness equals infinity more of the same.

This is not philosophy.

This is an alarm; an alarm for myself as in the "real identity"

The temple is not the answer.

The lake is not the solution.

The empty boat is not the problem.

The invitation is simple and ruthless:

I got to see where the noise truly lives.

I have an open choice to "Witness" it.

Not fix it. 

Not justify it. 

Not decorate it.

Just see...

Because...

the day I realize the world is not attacking me…

the day I see every collision as an empty boat…

That is the day the "cycle" quietly breaks...

Not visible anywhere outside...

*Within !!!*

1. Affirmations - Tongue is Powerful.

Adapted from an audio:

 The tongue is so powerful.

I got to speak good over my life at all times.

I cannot speak struggle everyday and expect blessings to arrive.

When I keep saying "I am broke, I am tired, nothing ever works for me", my body listens, my nervous system listens, my life responds. 

Words are seeds. What I "say" is what I water. So, I need to speak of the place I got to walk towards, not the place where I am standing in, or I was! 

I need to build my life with these affirmations:

🔹I am supported

🔹I am aligned

🔹I am being guided 

🔹I am blessed 

This is not pretending. This is choosing which future I want to feed.

Quietly, Gently - Life begins to transform

5. Sansaar - રુણાનુબંધ.

 રુણાનુબંધના લીધે આપણો સંપર્ક થયો અને આ ભવના રુણાનુબંધ પૂર્ણ થાય ત્યાં સુધી રહેશે.

કાંઈક બાકી રહી જાય અથવા કાંઈ ઉમેરાય, તો એવું બને કે આગળ ઉપર પણ એ વ્યવહારનું અનુસંધાન થાય.

મોહ, રાગ અને દ્વેષના પરિણામો સંસારના વધવાનું કારણ છે અને અનંત કાળથી એ જ કરતો આવ્યો છું. જેમ અનાદિથી પરિભ્રમણ ચાલે છે, તેમ અનંત કાળ સુધી ચાલે એવા પરિણામો દરેક ક્ષણે બાંધતો રહ્યો છું, કારણ કે અનંતાનુબંધિ કષાયો પર હજી ચોકડી પડી નથી.

જ્યાં સુધી મારી માન્યતા ન બદલાય, ત્યાં સુધી મારો સતત પુરુષાર્થ ‘સંસાર, સંસાર અને સંસાર’ જ વધારવાનો ચાલતો રહેશે એ મને લક્ષમાં રાખવું છે; અને જ્યાં સુધી એ પુરુષાર્થ છે, ત્યાં સુધી અનંત સંસાર ઊભો જ છે.

માન્યતા બદલવાથી જ માન્યતા બદલાશે; બીજી કોઈ રીતે નહીં.

શું મને મારી માન્યતા બદલવી છે?

શું ઊંડે ઊંડે પણ મને સંસારમાં જ રસ છે?

શું ફક્ત બહિર્મુખ રહીને સાધનો સેવવાથી કામ થઈ જશે એવી આશામાં જ આ અમૂલ્ય મનુષ્યભવનો સમય વ્યતીત થઈ રહ્યો છે?

શું આ સંસારનો અંત લાવવાના વિચારો મને હચમચાવી દે છે, કે પછી ‘શુભ-અશુભ, પુણ્ય-પાપ’ કરતાં કરતાં આ આમ જ ચાલતું રહેશે એવું નેપથ્યમાં સ્વીકાર છે?

અસ્તુ!