9. Awareness of True Nature.

 There are moments when I pause and observe; not the world outside, but the quiet movement within. And in that observation, these two verses from Shri AtmaSiddhi Shastra begin to unfold, not as philosophy, but as a mirror to my own inner state (which is actually "me"). 

Verse 78:

ચેતન જો નિજભાનમાં કર્તા આપ સ્વભાવ,
વર્તે નહીં નિજભાનમાં, કર્તા કર્મ પ્રભાવ.

Chetan jo nijbhaan ma karta aap swabhaav,

Varte nahi nijbhaan ma, karta karm prabhaav.

Verse 121:

કર્તા ભોક્તા કર્મનો વિભાવ વર્તે જ્યાંય,
વૃત્તિ વહી નિજભાવમાં, થયો અકર્તા ત્યાંય.

Karta bhogta karm no vibhaav varte jyaay,

Vrutti vahi nijbhaav ma, thayo akarta tyaay.

 

Considering Verse 78 to start with…

 

The soul, in its purest sense, is nothing but awareness i.e. knowing, seeing, being. When it rests in this awareness, in Nijbhaan, it remains established in its own nature. It does not become anything else. It does not carry the burden of action. It simply knows.

 

The shift is subtle, almost imperceptible in the exterior.

 

There can be subtle instances where I experience that I am investing an effort of being aware (albeit in the practice). However, soon as I am not rooted in that inner knowing, this awareness loosens. I begin to slip. Not outwardly perhaps, but inwardly. I start identifying. With thoughts. With emotions. With roles. And in that identification, I unknowingly step into doership.

 

Now I am not just witnessing anger; I am angry.

Not just seeing a situation; I am affected by it.

 

And that is where the second line becomes real:

 

Varte nahi Nijbhaan ma, karta karm prabhaav.

 

In the absence of awareness, I am no longer acting from my nature. I am being driven. Influenced. Pulled by karmic forces already in motion. And in reacting to them, with raag, dwesh, moh, I bind more.

 

The cycle quietly continues.

 

The verse 121 deepens this understanding:

 

Karta bhogta karm no vibhaav varte jyaay,

Vrutti vahi Nijbhaav ma, thayo akarta tyaay.

 

In this state of vibhaav, this unnatural, outward-turned condition, I see myself as the doer and the consumer. I act, I react, I feel, I suffer, I enjoy. Life becomes a continuous chain of cause and effect, and I remain entangled within it.

 

Am I thinking to stop the action or consumption?

 

Well, the transformation does not come merely by stopping action. It comes by shifting the direction of my vrutti i.e. my inner tendency.

 

Vrutti vahi nijbhaav ma…

 

When the flow turns inward…

When attention settles back into its source…

When I begin to remain aware, not intellectually, but directly…

 

Something changes. Transformation is in the making…

 

Actions still happen.

Words are still spoken.

Life continues in its full movement.

 

But within, a distance emerges; not created… but revealed.

 

And in that, the verse concludes:

 

Thayo akarta tyaay.

 

The doer dissolves.

 

This is where the paradox becomes clear.

 

I may still be playing my role in this world, just like an actor on a stage. The emotions may be intense, the dialogues powerful, the involvement complete. But somewhere within, there is a quiet, unwavering knowing:

 

“This is a role. This is not me.”

 

The actor performs fully but does not become the character.

 

Similarly, when awareness is present, life can be lived fully, but without ownership. Without entanglement.

 

And yet, even this analogy has its limitation.

 

Because the soul is not merely an actor standing apart from the role. It is more like a mirror (and rather beyond that as it reflects self and everything else)..

 

A mirror reflects everything placed before it, be it fire, water, movement, stillness. But it remains untouched. The fire does not burn it.

 

Only if the mirror were to imagine, “I am burning,” would the illusion begin.

 

That imagination… is Delusion i.e. Moh.

 

So, the essence of both these verses, when seen together, becomes deeply personal.

 

The soul does not become bound because it acts.

It becomes bound because it identifies.

 

And liberation is not about withdrawing from action, but about dissolving this false identification.

 

When I am not aware, I am carried by karma.

When I am aware, I remain in my nature.

 

The actions may look the same from outside.

But within, everything has changed.

 

In the end, it all returns to one simple, uncompromising truth:

 

When I forget myself, I become the doer.

When I remain in myself, I am only the knower.

 

And perhaps, the entire journey, from bondage to liberation, rests in this one shift:

 

From involvement…

to Awareness!

8. मेरा मन भी कितना पागल है.

मेरा मन भी कितना पागल है,

ये मोह निरंतर करता है,

और सामने हो प्रभु, आप तो भी,

ना फिकर उसे, ना डरता है...

क्या कहूँ जिनवर, ओ मेरे जिनवर...

जिनवर, जिनवर, मेरे जिनवर...

कैसे इसको सुलझाऊँ मैं,

और कैसे इसे जगाऊँ मैं,

करने है इसको राग और द्वेष,

एक पल भी ना ये समझता है...

क्या कहूँ जिनवर, ओ मेरे जिनवर...

जिनवर, जिनवर, मेरे जिनवर...

तेरी राह पे चलना ज़रूरी है,

और व्यर्थ "झूठी" मजबूरी है,

ये बात का निर्णय जो मैं करूँ,

फिर देखूँ मुझे क्या रोकता है...

क्या कहूँ जिनवर, ओ मेरे जिनवर...

जिनवर, जिनवर, मेरे जिनवर...

मेरा मन भी कितना पागल है,

ये मोह निरंतर करता है,

और सामने हो प्रभु, आप तो भी,

ना फिकर उसे, ना डरता है...

क्या कहूँ जिनवर, ओ मेरे जिनवर...

जिनवर, जिनवर, मेरे जिनवर...

7. स्वामी तुम हो मेरे मन में.

स्वामी तुम हो मेरे मन में,

नदिया में और पवन में,

धरती पर और गगन में,

मेरे सारे जीवन में।

भक्ति प्रभु, चरणों में अर्पण है,

शत-शत बार, गुणों का कीर्तन है।

तुम ही मेरे दाता हो,

मुझे सच्ची राह दिखाते,

लाख बार जो पूछूं,

फिर भी मुझे सिखाते...

उपकार तुम्हारा ऐसा,

ना कभी चुका पाऊंगा,

दर पे तुम्हारे आकर,

बस शीश झुका पाऊंगा।

भक्ति प्रभु, चरणों में अर्पण है,

शत-शत बार, गुणों का कीर्तन है।

बतला दिया है तुमने,

सारा मार्ग स्पष्ट,

सभी प्रकार के कर्म,

मुझे हैं करने नष्ट...

पुरुषार्थ कठिन है लेकिन,

अवसर न फिर आएगा,

अज्ञान का घना अँधेरा,

जागृति से मिट पाएगा।

भक्ति प्रभु, चरणों में अर्पण है,

शत-शत बार, गुणों का कीर्तन है।

स्वामी तुम हो मेरे मन में,

नदिया में और पवन में,

धरती पर और गगन में,

मेरे सारे जीवन में।

भक्ति प्रभु, चरणों में अर्पण है,

शत-शत बार, गुणों का कीर्तन है।

6. तेरा मेरा नाता अमर.

 तेरा मेरा नाता अमर,

लेकिन भटकूँ मैं तो इधर,

मेरे प्रभु, मुझको बता,

पहुँचूँगा कब अपने भीतर

कह रहा है अंतःकरण, अब ये बात ना टले,

तू जहाँ बस गया, नीयत मेरी वहीं चले,

निर्णय है लेना बनके निडर,

लेकिन भटकूँ मैं तो इधर...

तेरा मेरा नाता अमर,

कब तक भटकूँ, इधर उधर...

साथ तेरा ज़रूरी है, तू मसीहा मेरा है,

रोशनी से उजाला कर, मेरे यहाँ अँधेरा है,

अब की बारी, मैं चूका अगर

भटकता रहूँगा, जाने किधर

निर्णय ले लूँ तो शुरू हो सफर

आऊँगा तब, मोक्ष नगर

तेरा मेरा नाता अमर,

जल्दी मिलूँगा, तुझे अपने घर

5. मेरी साँसों में.

 मेरी साँसों में तेरा ही नाम है,

तेरा जीवन ही तेरा पैगाम है,

तोड़ दिए तूने तेरे सब करम...

अब है मेरा धरम,

करूँ कुछ तो शरम,

मोह को मार के,

मिटा दूँ सब भरम...

तूने जो रास्ता, दिया होकर निस्वार्थ,

चलकर उसपे, साधूँ मैं परमार्थ,

और कोई नहीं, विकल्प है शेष,

इसपे चलने से ही, जाएगा ग़म...

अब है मेरा धरम,

करूँ कुछ तो शरम,

मोह को मार के,

मिटा दूँ सब भरम...

हर पल ये अभ्यास में, डूबा रहूँ मैं,

कर्म उदय में, समता देखूँ मैं,

मानव भव ये, अनमोल बहुत,

ये विवेक कभी भी न हो कम...

अब है मेरा धरम,

करूँ कुछ तो शरम,

मोह को मार के,

मिटा दूँ सब भरम....

मेरी साँसों में तेरा ही नाम है,

तेरा जीवन ही तेरा पैगाम है,

तोड़ दिए तूने तेरे सब करम...

अब है मेरा धरम,

करूँ कुछ तो शरम,

मोह को मार के,

मिटा दूँ सब भरम...

4. Mehek (Show).

This is about a contemporary Kathak show by Aditi Mangaldas and Aakash Odedera.

I watched Mehek yesterday... and somehow, it hasn’t left me yet.

It didn’t feel like a performance as much as stepping into someone’s inner world. An older woman, carrying time and unspoken memories within her, and a younger man who enters not as a disruption, but almost like a quiet presence that stirs something long untouched.

What unfolds between them isn’t a typical story. There are no clear beginnings or conclusions; just moments of coming close, pulling away, and returning again.

Somewhere along the way, I realised the discomfort wasn’t in them, but in the boundaries we’ve all been taught to accept which is about age, about desire, about what is “allowed" and what is "not". 

The typical social taboo.

There’s a quiet recognition between them that feels deeper than romance. And what stayed with me most was her.... Throughout, She was completely herself, without apology or adjustment.

The relationship has a beautiful fragrance much beyond what an ordinary mind would contemplate.

The piece, the portayal doesn’t resolve anything. It simply lingers and keeps lingering...

Like a fragrance… still present, even after it’s gone...

The "Mehek" dwells!

3. Shrimad Rajchandra - 125th.

 On a Day of Remembrance

You lived a life of immense challenges, yet you were anchored in a singular, higher purpose; and you did not merely speak of it. You attained it.

More than that, you shared the path.
You made it clear: this is not reserved for a few. With right discernment, it is attainable.

You also reminded that this path is not new. It is ancient. Timeless. Walked by infinite seekers before.

Today, on your death anniversary, the world will remember you. There will be talks, tributes, reflections. Your life will be celebrated, your achievements admired, your words repeated.

It will be a grand remembrance.

But what about me?

Am I truly inspired or just emotionally moved for a moment?
Do I deeply believe in what you attained or do I admire it from a distance?
Do I want transformation or am I satisfied with appreciation?

Will I limit myself to praising you?
Will I convince myself that attending today’s events is enough for now?

If I say your goal is the highest, then is it truly “my“ goal as well?

If it is my goal, does it not have to reflect in how I spend my time, my energy, my attention?

A person who wants wealth structures life around it. Everything else (food, rest, routine) supports that goal.

If liberation, truth, or self-realization is my declared goal, is it treated the same way?
Or is it given leftover space after everything else is done?

Learning about you does matter. Praising you has its place.

But WHAT NEXT?

Do I keep repeating this cycle… Inspiration, Admiration, Participation; and then return unchanged?

Is this subtle satisfaction enough for me?
If yes, I should accept it honestly.

But if I truly want to walk the path you walked, then I cannot stop at reverence.

I must reorganize my life.

Otherwise, this day becomes one more ritual where I celebrate your life and quietly postpone my own.

---

Underlying reminder for myself:

If inspiration does not convert into direction,
and direction into discipline,
then inspiration slowly and unknowingly can become sedation.