11. Who am I serving?

 Who Am I Serving?

A conversation. An honest mirror. A summary.

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A few hours ago, I sat down with myself; not to merely get answers, but to be mirrored.

And what the mirror showed was not flattering. Not ugly either. Just honest.

So I am writing this down. Not for anyone. Not to appear spiritual. Not to add another badge to the Dilip Shah collection. But because the clarity that emerged deserves to be preserved. And because writing (for me) has been one of the best ways to stop fooling myself.

---

Where It Started

I have been rooted in Jain philosophy since childhood. But over the years, something shifted. I began to see that the core of Jainism had little to do with mechanical rituals, seeking prayers, or competitive religiosity. It was always about one thing, predominantly: cleansing the Soul from Karma.

Body itself is a karma. Everything that has accumulated (the name, the roles, the current situation, the image, the relationships, the spiritual identity); all of it is Karma.

And the king of all Karmas?

Moh. Delusion.

Not anger. Not greed. Moh, because Moh is the root. Raag (Craving) and Dwesh (Aversion) are merely its branches.

And what feeds Moh most efficiently?

The identification with a fake, temporary identity. The one that was handed to me at the birth of this body and will conclude when this body is declared dead.

Dilip Shah.

The Soul won't cease. It will continue its journey. But right now, I am giving it barely any time. Almost everything (name, fame, ego, money, knowledge, recognition, social service, donations, and yes, even Spirituality) is revolving around and serving this temporary bodily identity.

That was the starting point of this dialogue. Or rather, this self-analysis.

---

What the Mirror Showed

At the mind level, I have moments of Nijbhaan (awareness of the true Self). Brief. Soothing. Unburdened.

In those moments, it feels like: everything is within, be it happiness or sorrow.

And then, suddenly, some distraction appears. A sweet one. And the mind says:

"Complete the pleasure first. Then we will think about awareness."

Such a perfect honeytrap.

The honest observation: in very few activities, I maintain the witness; and even that, only at the mind level. In others, I get completely submerged. And even when awareness strikes mid-submersion, the mind negotiates. Delays. Postpones.

This is not failure. This is the battlefield. This is exactly where the work is.

What matters is not whether I fall. What matters is the gap between the pull and the return. Is that gap getting shorter? Even slightly? Day by day?

That incremental shortening is the actual Purusharth available right now.

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The Question of Guidance

When I observe this happening within, and then look at what others offer, I find two types. Those who will start guiding directly. And those who will point toward an enlightened master, a Sadguru. Eventually, both paths converge toward either scripture or a realized guide.

This places an honest question in front of me:

Is the reluctance to commit to a living Guru purely discernment, or also a way of protecting the ego's sovereignty?

I sat with that.

My answer: both can be true simultaneously. And I need to be honest about both.

What I am clear about is this: the discipline and sincerity I need cannot be born of fear or the desire to please someone. That would be another form of bondage; cleaner looking, spiritually dressed, but bondage nonetheless.

What I also know: Pratyaksh (physically present) and / or Paroksh (through teachings and texts), guidance is inevitable.

And right now, my Paroksh Sadguru is clear. Mahavir's path. Shrimad Rajchandra's writings, of which the most significant from a "roadmap to liberation" standpoint is the Atmasiddhi Shastra. 142 verses that strip the path down to its bones.

I am not interested in simply following followers of any enlightened person. I want to experience what Lord Mahavir, Shrimad Rajchandra, and all those free from (Mohaniya) Karma actually experienced. The map is clear. The territory has to be walked.

And I am not waiting for the right Guru to appear before I begin. If I am hungry, I do not stop moving until I find food. I work on the hunger. I increase the eligibility (the Yogyata, the Paatrata, the Mumukshuta) in the truest sense.

What matters is that the door remains unlocked. Even if I am not standing at it.

---

Practice vs. Implementation: An Uncomfortable Self-Question

Finding a quiet place and sitting with the Atmasiddhi verses; that is practice. Valuable. Necessary. Like a musician practicing scales.

But the real test is the chaos.

The meeting. The irritation. The praise. The honeytrap. The moment someone says something that touches the ego. The moment a pleasure beckons and the mind begins negotiating.

Can the witness (the awareness) show up there and then?

Not perfectly. Not always. But maybe, more than yesterday?

Now here I could argue: "On Day 1, I won't be able to maintain awareness amid chaos. Let me go slow."

But my counter-argument to myself is sharper:

How long is this "Day 1" going to last?

I have been aware of this path for over three decades. I have pondered over the same (and at times identical) territory again and again. And I have consistently defended the position that I need to attend to a whole lot of responsibilities in the Sansaar first.

Does Fake Identity ring a bell here?

This juggling between what the Soul needs and what Dilip Shah demands has been nearly constant until today.

And there is one more thing worth watching, uncomfortable as it sounds:

If sitting with the verses feels too good, too soothing, too pleasant, there is a subtle risk that the practice itself becomes a Raag. Seeking the pleasant state of Nijbhaan is still seeking a pleasant state.

The practice is not the destination. It trains the instrument. The implementation is the examination.

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The Formula: Already on a Platter

The Enlightened masters have not hidden the path. They have placed it in front of me, in the simplest possible language:

Jyaan tyaan thi Raag-Dwesh rahit thavu; e Dharm chhe.

Religion is eradicating (starting with reducing) Craving and Aversion. No matter what. No matter where.

And:

Jene Aatma jaanyo, tene sarve jaanyu.

One who has known the Soul has known everything.

This is the path.

Not complicated. Not requiring grand gestures. Not requiring performance.

Difficult? Yes. Demanding? Absolutely. But structurally simple.

Become aware. Observe the Moh. Reduce the identification. Return.

Again and again.

Without drama. Without demanding quick results. Without waiting for perfect conditions.

---

The Conditions Are Already Here

The understanding is already here.

47 years in; the basic compulsions are met. No large flamboyant desires left to chase. The future is reasonably arranged.

What remains is the inner work.

I do not know how much time this body has. Nobody does.

But that is not the anxiety, I got to nurture. I need to tread with Vivek. And Vivek, combined with genuine Mumukshuta, is what Shrimad describes as the beginning of the real journey.

So.. the instructions to self:

Walk.

Quietly. Regularly. Without performance.

Fall. Return. Walk again.

Not to become "someone spiritual." Not for recognition. But because Liberation matters more than maintaining a false identity.

---

So, telling myself again:

Walk.

Quietly. Regularly. Without performance.

Fall. Return. Walk again.

Walk NOW.

Walk. Walk. Walk.

NOW. NOW. NOW.

---

 

10. My Own Benefit.

Everything I do is for my own benefit.

Yes. Everything. The question is just: which "me"?

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Let me say something that might sound strange at first.

Everything I have ever done in my life, every single thing, has been for my own benefit.

The donations. The social service. The spiritual studies. The relationships. The business. The generosity. The fasting. The prayers. The philosophical conversations. The blog posts.

All of it. For my own benefit.

And before anyone reacts, this is not cynicism. This is not nihilism. This is not an excuse to stop doing good things.

This is just honesty. Being honest with myself (the true self, the consciousness)

---

The question is not whether it is for my benefit.

The question is: which "me" am I benefiting?

Because there are two "me"s running simultaneously.

One is temporary. It arrived with this body. It carries a name (Dilip Shah) along with credentials, roles, relationships, a reputation, an image, a spiritual identity, a social footprint. It will conclude when this body is declared dead. Everything that revolves around this name; the ego, the pride, the recognition, the validation, the comfort, all of it serves this temporary "me."

The other is permanent. It has no name. No credentials. It existed before this body. It will exist after. It is the Soul. The Chetan / Chetna. The Energy. The real "I." The one that Mahavir pointed to. The one that Shrimad Rajchandra spent his entire life trying to help us see.

Both of these "me"s are real in their own way. One is real like a shadow that is present, functional, but ultimately without independent existence. The other is real like light.

---

Now look carefully at what happens.

When I do a donation and feel good about it, Which "me" is feeling good?

If the feeling is: "What a good person I am. People will remember this. God will note this. My Punya account is growing", that is Dilip Shah feeling good. The temporary identity being fed.

If the act happens and I move on; no trace, no ledger, no expectation of return, no subtle pride… that is something closer to the Soul acting through the body without accumulating fresh Karma.

Same act. Completely different inner movement.

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When I study Atmasiddhi and feel expanded, elevated, knowledgeable… which "me" is feeling elevated?

If there is even a whisper of "I understand this better than others" or "I am a serious seeker", that is the spiritual ego. Dilip Shah wearing a saffron badge. Moh in disguise.

If the study creates a quiet reduction in identification; a small loosening of the grip of the fake "me"… that is the real work happening.

Same text. Same sitting. Completely different inner fruit.

---

This is why the path is so subtle.

Because the fake identity is not only fed by obviously worldly things. It is fed, perhaps even more efficiently, by spiritual things. Knowledge. Tap. Bhakti. Seva. Discourse. Reputation as a seeker.

The ego is not stupid. It adapts. It migrates. When it can no longer feast on wealth or fame without some guilt, it migrates to spirituality. And begins feasting there.

And calls it “Growth”.

---

So what is the test?

The test is simple and brutal:

After this action, is there more identification or less?

After this conversation, is the "I" more inflated or more transparent?

After this spiritual practice, am I more attached to my image as a seeker, or slightly freer of that image?

Not the action itself. The inner residue of the action.

That residue… that subtle accumulation or reduction of identification is the actual Karma being built or burned in every moment.

---

And this brings me to the most radical honesty of all:

Even this blog post is for my own benefit.

The question is just which "me" it is serving.

If it is being written to appear thoughtful, deep, spiritually evolved, then Dilip Shah is typing.

If it is being written because articulating this clearly creates a small reduction in self-deception, and that reduction serves the Soul's journey toward liberation, then something real is happening.

Both can be true simultaneously. That is the most uncomfortable part.

And the only way to know, truly know, is to keep watching.

Not performing “watching”. Actually “watching”.

Who is typing right now?

Who will feel good when this gets published?

Who is hoping someone will read this and be impressed?

And when that "who" is seen clearly; not suppressed, not judged, just seen, there is a brief moment of the real "I" looking at the fake "I."

That moment is worth more than any amount of ritual, reputation, or accumulated spiritual knowledge.

---

Kaam ek Aatmaarth nu.

My real work is only that which serves the Soul.

Everything else (however beautiful it looks from outside) is just Sansaar wearing different clothes.

The work is to keep asking.

Not once. Not daily. Moment to moment.

Which "me" am I serving right now?

---

9. इस भव में मिला है तुम्हारा शासन.

 इस भव में मिला है तुम्हारा शासन,

इस भव में मिला है तुम्हारा शासन,

अब तो पाना ही पाना है सम्यक दर्शन...

दिया किस्मत ने अद्भुत ये मानव जीवन,

दिया किस्मत ने अद्भुत ये मानव जीवन,

और उसमें हुआ, सभी सत से मिलन...

ना मिला ना मिलेगा फिर ऐसा संगम,

ना मिला ना मिलेगा फिर ऐसा संगम,

तेरी आज्ञा पे चलने का देता हूँ वचन,

तेरी आज्ञा पे चलने का देता हूँ वचन,

अब तो पाना ही पाना है सम्यक दर्शन...

दिया किस्मत ने अद्भुत ये मानव जीवन,

और उसमें हुआ, सभी सत से मिलन...

पुरुषार्थ है रहना अब जागृत सदा,

पुरुषार्थ है रहना अब जागृत सदा,

सार इतना ही है, लेकिन बात है गहन,

सार इतना ही है, लेकिन बात है गहन,

अब तो पाना ही पाना है सम्यक दर्शन...

दिया किस्मत ने अद्भुत ये मानव जीवन,

और उसमें हुआ, सभी सत से मिलन...

इस भव में मिला है तुम्हारा शासन,

इस भव में मिला है तुम्हारा शासन,

अब तो पाना ही पाना है सम्यक दर्शन...

Tune: Is jahaan ki nahi hai tumhari aankhein 

8. The 'Moksh' Code.

 For this Golden opportunity, feeling grateful

Now is the time to make a choice fateful

Wandering around since infinite time

Finally a birth, that’s supreme and prime

Lottery results have declared me a star

The destination now doesn’t look far

It’s time to make the most of this birth

Losing it now, is not at all worth

I don’t wish to repeat the cycle again

Reaching back here would be an immense pain

So, the only choice is to arise and awake

Not to show anyone, but for my own sake

Got to play the role, while staying unattached

Experiencing self, thereby feeling hatched

Prayers shall be answered, Effort will be paid

Need to consciously tread the path that is said

Let me begin the journey and not look back

The “Moksh” code, this time, I got to crack

7. A Manual for Shuddhata: An Internal Compass.

 *_A Manual for Shuddhata: An Internal Compass_*

-----------------------------------

*I. The Foundation of Radical Responsibility*

I must own my inner climate. I should stop blaming external situations or people for my loss of peace. If I feel *Raag* (attachment) or *Dwesh* (aversion), the cause is my own *Moh* (delusion), not the object in front of me.

I must stop seeking "spiritual witnesses". I must perform *Purusharth* in anonymity. If I need someone to see how "aware" I am, I am not practicing spirituality; I am performing a role. My progress is measured by my silence, not my speech.

I must accept that I am alone on this path. While I live in society and fulfill my roles, I must realize that the journey of transcendence is a "solo flight" 

I certainly must stop expecting others to understand why I am no longer interested in the "social religious game".

*II. The Daily "Surgical" Purusharth*

I must catch the *"I"* in the act. Throughout the day, I must watch the prefix "I" as it attaches to everything. *"I am tired," "I am successful," "I am a seeker"* 

I must mentally pause and observe: "The body is tired. The mind is processing success. The intellect is seeking. But what am I?"

I must transform "doing" into "witnessing."

Whether I am riding a motorcycle, working at the desk, or eating a meal, I must practice being the "knower" of the action rather than the "doer." I must also focus on the facts, when I speak. For instance, riding "my" motorcycle should externally and internally change to riding a/the motorcycle and so on.

Besides, I must constantly ask: "Who is aware of this thought/action right now?"

I must treat Shubh (merit) as a byproduct, not a goal. 

I should act with kindness and restraint not because I want "Punya points," but because Shubh acts are lighter and create less "mental noise," making it easier for me to see the true Self (I, Me).

*III. The Toolkit for Unwavering Alertness*

_The "Gap" Practice:_ I must consciously create small gaps in the day. Between one meeting and the next, or before I start the bike, I should sit in absolute stillness for about 60 seconds or more, if possible. In that gap, I got to drop all identities and simply "Be".

_The Vocabulary Audit:_ I must stop using religious jargon to hide my ego. Instead of saying "I am surrendered," I should ask, "What am I still holding onto?" Instead of "I am detached," I got to ask, "What am I afraid of losing?". What I am holding or what am I attached to... Is it truly "mine" or is it just an illusion of a fake (illusionary) identity?

_The Mirror of Reaction:_ Every time I feel a "tug" (anger, pride, greed), I must treat it as a gift; a diagnostic tool. I should not suppress it. I must look at it and say: _"Ah, there is the Moh. There is the knot. Now I know what I need to untie"_

*IV. Navigating the "Two Ends" (The Safety Net)*

I must not fear the "Southbound" journey. The fear of losing *Shubh* might be an illusion. Authentic *Shuddhata* (Purity) naturally includes *Shubh* (Goodness) without the ego's attachment to it. If I focus on the Self, my conduct will naturally remain ethical.

I should strongly embrace "Productive Failure". When I fall back into old conditioning or mechanical rituals, I must not invest time in guilt (which is just another "ego-trap" most of the times). I should simply observe the fall, learn the "trigger," and return to awareness immediately.

*V. The Final Resolve*

 I am not waiting for a future event.

Enlightenment is not a destination at the end of the road; it is the quality of the "walking" itself.

I must be relentlessly honest.

If I am serving my image, I should admit it. If I am seeking validation, I must accept it. 

 I will stop... and return. It might happen Again and again... Every hour. Every minute if needed.

Mantra for the Path: 

"I am not this role. I am not this accumulation. I am the Knower, the Witness, the _Shuddh Chetan_. Everything else is just passing clouds".

This process is not about doing *more*; it is about being *more aware* of what is already being done.

Not necessarily, I merely need to swim harder; I only got to stop grabbing onto the debris floating in the river.

6. Walk "Real".

Institutional Religion to Applied Spirituality: A dimensional shift 

I need to stop investing energy in (constantly) evaluating others.

Who is a sinner…

Who is a great tapasvi…

Who is spiritually elevated…

Who is fallen…

None of this is truly my concern.

Karma system will take care of everyone according to their causes and conditions.

My real responsibility is "myself".

If I observe honestly, I am still serving a "false identity" almost 24x7.

“I” the body.

“I” the image.

“I” the role.

“I” the achiever.

“I” the hurt one.

“I” the spiritual seeker.

“I” the knowledgeable one.

“I” the devotee.

And as long as I continue serving this false construct, how can I expect liberation?

I do not want to become merely a dry intellectual, nor do I want to remain trapped in mechanical kriya as in the rituals without understanding / the right focus.

Because even spirituality itself can become nourishment for ego.

Knowledge can inflate identity.

Tap can create subtle pride.

Bhakti can become emotional dependence.

Kriya can become routine.

Even puṇya can become another transaction for future comfort and security.

And if I observe carefully, almost the entire structure of Sansaar revolves around Puṇya and Paap.

Even the definitions of Puṇya and Paap are often interpreted conveniently according to worldly comfort.

Parigrah (Widely, all types of accumulation) itself is counted among the five Maha-paaps.

Yet if someone accumulates enormous wealth, influence, possessions, and status, society often responds with admiration, praise, respect, felicitation, and expectations of donation.

Very rarely do I pause and reflect upon the attachment, possessiveness, violence, falsehood, deceit, anxiety, and ego that may also be woven into such accumulation.

Instead, the world mostly evaluates outcomes externally.

And honestly, even spirituality can become trapped in the same framework.

Who accumulated more Puṇya?

Who performed greater Tap?

Who appears more Religious?

Who receives more Praise?

Who is considered Spiritually advanced?

So whether worldly or religious, my mind remains revolving within puṇya and paap itself.

And if I speak honestly to myself, I also know this:

As long as transcendence has not genuinely awakened within me, puṇya is certainly better than paap.

Compassion is better than cruelty.

Restraint is better than indulgence.

Humility is better than arrogance.

So I cannot misuse “being beyond puṇya-paap” as an excuse for carelessness or irresponsibility.

But my problem is subtler.

I quietly convert this understanding into consolation.

I begin settling inside puṇya.

Whenever paap happens, I either justify it internally, minimize it psychologically, or try to compensate for it through puṇya.

And then, instead of turning toward transcendence, I postpone it.

I assume the path of purity (shuddhata) is too difficult, too distant, too impractical, or meant only for extraordinary beings.

And that assumption itself becomes bondage.

Because deep within, I already know:

“Moksh kahyo nij shuddhata,

te paame te panth.”

Liberation is called the purity of the Self.

Who attains that purity alone walks the path.

Then what exactly should matter to me?

“Kaam ek Aatmaarth nu…”

My real work is only that which serves the soul.

“Chetan jo Nijbhaan maa…”

Can I remain aware of my true nature even briefly and honestly?

“Vrutti vahi Nijbhaav maa…”

Can my inner tendencies slowly begin flowing toward the Self instead of endlessly flowing outward?

“Jyaan tyaan thi raag-dwesh rahit thavu…”

Can I gradually reduce attachment and aversion amidst all situations?

Because if anything in my life (worldly or spiritual) genuinely helps move me toward these, then it has value.

Otherwise, however impressive it appears externally, it largely remains an expansion of the Sansaar itself.

And therefore I need to repeatedly ask myself:

What am I serving right now?

Moh or the Self?

Attachment or awareness?

Identity or truth?

Bondage or Shuddhata?

I need to stop using religion merely for emotional comfort.

I need to stop glorifying unnecessary complexity.

I need to stop feeding endless distractions, comparisons, ego battles, validation-seeking, emotional drama, and useless mental noise.

So much of life is simply unnecessary “soap” continuously running in the mind.

And meanwhile time passes.

Bhav (Life....most precious Human Birth) passes.

Awareness weakens.

Then what exactly is my work?

I need to become clearer every day about:

what increases moha,

what weakens moh,

what strengthens identification,

what brings awareness,

what inflames raag-dwesh,

what softens raag-dwesh,

what deepens bondage,

and what slowly turns attention (awareness, focus) toward Shuddhata.

This itself is an enormous and accurate Purusharth (effort)

Not performance.

Not appearing spiritual.

Not image-building.

But genuine reduction of impurity.

And perhaps the path is not as complicated as my mind makes it appear.

Difficult? Yes.

Demanding? Absolutely.

But structurally simple.

Again and again: become aware,

reduce negligence,

observe moh,

withdraw identification,

reduce raag-dwesh,

remember the Self,

walk toward Shuddhata.

And then continue walking.

Quietly.

Regularly.

Without drama.

Without performance.

Without demanding quick results.

I will fall into negligence many times.

Moh will overpower me repeatedly.

Old conditioning (of Anant Kaal, the beginningless time) will return again and again.

But even then, my work remains the same:

To return.

To become aware again.

To reduce carelessness again.

To weaken attachment again.

To remember the Self again.

Not for recognition.

Not to become “someone spiritual.”

Not to decorate bondage with religious identity.

But because liberation matters more than maintaining a false identity.

And this path probably cannot be crossed through intensity alone.

I need steadiness.

Consistency.

Long-term sincerity.

Walk… walk… walk…

For a long, long time if needed.

But Not Stop.

Because whether today or after countless struggles, liberation belongs only to the one who continues walking toward the Real.

5. શૂન્યતા અને નિર્મળ શાંતિ.

જો કે હું એવુ કાંઇ પણ કરતો નથી પણ મને ઘણી વાર એવું થાય છે કે આ દુનિયાના કોઈ એક ખૂણામાં હું વસિ જાઉં…

કદાચ ત્યાં મને કોઈ ઓળખતું પણ ના હોય…

અને ઓળખતું હોય તો પણ ભલે…

એ જગ્યા કદાચ કોઈ મોટું શહેર હોય…

કિંવા કોઈનું હૃદય…

બહાર ભલે ખળભળાટ હોય…

અથવા કદાચ સંપૂર્ણ નિઃશબ્દતા…

પણ મારા અનુભવમાં તો માત્ર શૂન્યતા અને નિર્મળ શાંતિ હોય…

એવું પણ નહીં કે મને કંઈ કરવાની અપેક્ષા હોય…

અથવા હું કંઈ ખાસ કરતો હોઉં…

બસ, ચહેરા પર એક કુદરતી સ્મિત હોય…

અને જેની સાથે પણ આંખો મળે,

એને પણ એક ક્ષણ માટે સુખનો અનુભવ થાય…

ઊર્જા અને સ્પંદનોની એવી આપ-લે થાય

કે જેમાં બંનેમાં પાછી વૃદ્ધિ જ થાય…

સ્વની સાક્ષીએ હર દિવસ, હર ક્ષણ પસાર થાય…

કદાચ બહારથી એવું દેખાય

કે લોકોની કંઈક મદદ થઈ રહી છે…

કોઈની આંતરડી ઠરી રહી છે…

પણ એ બધું જાણે ઈશ્વરનું ચિંધેલું હોય,

અને એમ જ સંપૂર્ણપણે થતું રહે…

અને કદાચ આ બધાની પાછળનું કારણ પણ એ જ છે

કે એક અંશ શાતા થી લઈને પૂર્ણકામતા સુધીની સર્વ સમાધિનું કારણ સત્પુરુષ જ છે…

મને અલ્પ પણ જે શાતા અનુભવાય છે,

એ પણ સત્પુરુષનો જ અનુગ્રહ છે…

આ અતિ સુંદર અને મહા અમૂલ્ય મનુષ્ય ભવ, અને જીવનમાં પ્રાપ્ત થયેલી આ બધી જ સુવિધાઓ...

એ માત્ર સત્ દેવ, ગુરુ અને ધર્મના ઉપકારથી જ પ્રાપ્ત થઈ છે…

એટલે ઘણી વાર એવું અનુભવે છે કે

જો હું આ “શરીર” નો ઉપયોગ સેવા અને સાધના માટે ન કરું,

તો દરેક પસાર થતી ક્ષણે હું એને વ્યર્થ જ કરી રહ્યો છું…

મને જે મળ્યું છે…

અને જે હેતુથી મળ્યું છે…

એ બંને પ્રત્યે હું અન્યાય જ કરી રહ્યો છું…

જીવન તો એની પાસેથી ઊછીનું લીધું છે…

અને બસ, એ બતાવેલા માર્ગ પર જ આગળ વધતું રહે…

હે “તું”…

હા, “તું”…

તું મને તારી અંદર ભલે ના સમાવે,

પણ તારી બતાવેલી દિશા તરફ આગળ વધતા

મારા પગ અને અંતર કદી ના ડગમગે…

એટલું ધ્યાન રાખ…

એટલી સંભાળ લે મારી…

આને તું મારી અરજી સમજ

અથવા તારી મરજી…

અસ્તુ!

4. પુણ્યનો ખર્ચ થયો હશે?

આવી ગરમીમાં લીંબુ પાણીનો ઠંડકભર્યો સ્વાદ માણતા માણતા એક વિચાર આવે છે:

ફક્ત ૨૦ રૂપિયા ચૂકવીને, અથવા તો “Mojito”ના નામે ૧૦૦ રૂપિયા આપી દેતાં, કેટલો આનંદ અનુભવાય છે!

પણ શું ક્યારેય એવો વિચાર આવે છે કે આ એક ગ્લાસના ક્ષણિક અને માનેલા સુખને ભોગવવા માટે કેટલાય ભવોના પુણ્યનો ખર્ચ થયો હશે?

અલ્પ ક્ષણનો સ્વાદ…

પણ પાછળ અસંખ્ય કર્મોના બંધ અને પુણ્યનો વ્યય…

શું મને આ જાગૃતિ છે?

3. Jeev - Movie based on Rapar Jeevdaya Mandal.

Jeev is not just a film. It is a quiet reminder of how humanity still survives in forgotten corners of the world.

Set in a small village in Kutch several decades ago, the story begins with an unexpected incident involving helpless animals; and what follows slowly unfolds into something deeply moving. In a place where people themselves were struggling for survival, an extraordinary question arose: how much can one give for a life that cannot speak for itself?

What makes the film powerful is not dramatic heroism, but the simplicity of ordinary villagers trying to do the right thing despite poverty, social pressure, uncertainty, and relentless hardships. One thoughtful idea sparks a movement, and gradually the film reveals the emotional, financial, and moral weight carried by those who chose compassion over convenience.

Without preaching, Jeev gently forces the audience to reflect: Do we only care for animals when it is easy? Or does true compassion begin when sacrifice starts?

The film carries warmth, pain, resilience, and an almost spiritual sense of service. There are moments that quietly stay with you long after the movie ends. More than entertainment, it feels like witnessing a lived truth.

One comes out of the film with immense respect for every person who shelters, feeds, rescues, or protects voiceless beings despite limited means. It reminded me that seva does not always require abundance; sometimes it only requires sensitivity.

If this story touches your heart even a little, perhaps the best tribute to it would be to support animal care in whatever way possible, through kindness, volunteering, donations, feeding, or simply becoming more aware of the suffering around us.

For instance, Bakri ID is around the corner and message for helping out and saving those innocent lives was also sent some days ago.

Some films are watched. Some are felt. Jeev belongs to the second kind.

2. Justaju.

 क्या है ये जीवन, चल रही थी जुस्तजू

देखा आईने में और, करली ज़रा ही गुफ़्तगू

जो दिख रहा है, वो तो मैं लगता नहीं

गहराइयों में जाकर, हुआ ख़ुद से रूबरू

These four lines reflect the silent turning point of a human being’s inward journey. Often, life is spent in an endless “justaju”; a restless pursuit of achievement, recognition, relationships, possessions, or emotional fulfillment. I keep on moving from one desire to another, believing that the next attainment may finally bring completeness. Yet beneath all movement, a subtle emptiness continues to remain. These lines begin exactly from this existential restlessness.

The second line introduces the most transformative act possible: pausing and looking within. The mirror here is not merely made of glass; it symbolizes self-observation. I have spent years (almost entire life so far) examining the world but very little time examining the observer (self). A brief but honest “guftagu” with myself can reveal more truth than countless external pursuits. The moment introspection begins sincerely, layers of fake / artificial identity slowly start loosening.

The third line exposes this realization with remarkable subtlety: “Jo dikh raha hai, wo to main lagta nahi.” The visible self made of roles, ego, habits, fears, attachments, and social conditioning, no longer feels authentic. I begin to recognize that the personality operating in the world is often a constructed identity, heavily influenced by likes, dislikes, cravings, comparisons, and emotional bondage. The real self (I, Me) lies much deeper than these temporary coverings.

The final line completes the inward movement. Going into the “gehraaiyan” signifies entering the space beyond reactions, beyond possessions, beyond emotional turbulence. There, I come “rubaru” not with a new identity, but with the original nature (I, Me); silent, aware, witnessing, and untouched.

True transformation does not begin by conquering the outer world. It begins the moment I courageously turn inward and recognize the difference between what I have become and what I truly am.

1. Avenues of Moh (Delusion).

 

Major and Minor Avenues of Moh (Delusion)

 I. Gross Avenues (Sthool Moh)

·       Physical Body: Over-attachment to health, youth, appearance. Moh of wanting to feel presentable

·       Wealth & Possessions: Money, property, vehicles. Moh in terms of fear of loss, greed to gain.

·       Human interactions & relationships: Friends, Family & Social Circles. Moh to love and being loved

·       Pleasures & Comfort: Food, sexual attractions, entertainment, luxuries, sleep. Moh to consume stuff in the comfort and luxury zone

·       Status & Fame: Craving recognition, power, praise, influence in society. Moh of the Image

·       Career & Ambition: Position, promotions, name, success for ego’s sake. Moh of the Ego

·       Habits & Routines: Savouring comforts. Moh of the Lifestyle

II. Subtle Avenues (Sookshma Moh)

·       Religious Identity: I am “Jain”, “Disciplined”, “Internally Feel I know more than others, I am better over the others”. Moh of external identity and Ego trophies

·       Ritual Practices: Moh for rituals without understanding. Counting fasts, pilgrimages, donations. One angle can be self-motivation but got to check if I have Moh encapsulated

·       Guru Attachment: Limited to Moh about a person? Cultish loyalty. The idea is to extract the maximum from the wisdom offered and put to use for my own growth than getting stuck into the Moh

·       False Humility: Subtle pride hidden under “I am so humble”. Reality check about Moh of showing-off humbleness. At times, it can/might be hypocrisy too.

·       Doership Pride: “I did this, I did that, I funded this…” seeking status / flamboyance through good deeds and creating an image. Trapped into this Moh?

·       Opinion Attachment: Inflexible views. Missed to ponder over Anekaant?

·       Misplaced Faith: Since transformation is not happening, focus on punya, which is ok but take pride in building that Punya leads to Moh

III. Micro-Avenues (Ati Sūkṣma Moh)

·       Attachment to Emotions: Holding on to sadness, grudges

·       Attachment to Thoughts: Constant replay of past or future; inability to rest in the present

·       Subtle Control: Wanting to control people, surroundings, outcomes, even karma’s flow

·       Fear of Death: Deep-rooted clinging to life and body identity

·       Craving for Rebirths: Desire for heavenly rebirths rather than liberation

·       Compulsive Comparison: Subtle envy or pride. “How am I doing compared to X?”

·       Attachment to Pain: Some hold suffering as identity. “My grumpy story”

·       Righteousness Trap: “I am right, you are wrong”; moral arrogance; and if someone tells me “I am wrong”, I become defensive in the trap.

·       Spiritual Gossip: Talking about other seekers’ faults. “He does this, that, is not pure enough!”

Tool-kit

·       Vivek: To see; not to hate myself, but to shine light where darkness hides.

·       Vairaagya: To disentangle gently, layer by layer.

·       Lakṣhya: To remember that “Nothing” is truly mine. I am the soul, the knower, the witness.

·       Saadhana: Every moment, I can shift: from grasping to letting go.

This is a great exercise and helps me elevate my experience.

Now, Why do I fall prey to all these Avenues of Moh? 

I feel, Literally at every smallest instance of time, I want to prove my existence to the world; to the people around me. And I have an immense "Moh" of proving my existence. This existence is non-real, it is fake, it is transitory. Even if I feel it's real, it is extremely fickle and not at all in my control.