3. Value.

One of my friends informed me a couple of days back that his kid dropped his cell phone in a bucket filled with some liquid. Needless to say, his phone was conked off. Although it was a loss for him, I was smiling mainly because the cell didn’t belong to me. Nevertheless, the visualization was hilarious too. I am sure he would have also smirked looking at his kid performing this innocently naughty act.

Why do some things which are entertaining in nature create a little or more grief within? This was the thought that passed by. I believe, just because I add value to all the things I possess, I overlook the entertainment value. I know this is a sort of debatable statement where one can argue saying that if the same kind of entertainment is achieved without wasting valuable resources, then why not? This is true but my point is what ever has happened which actually can create entertainment, what is the point in weeping about the loss? Rather, why not simply enjoy it to the fullest?

I am not finger-pointing at any one as this is most applicable to me.

2. Speed-breaker.

Each weekday, while I commute to work I come across a few speed-breakers on my way. Some of them are tiny ones whereas some are more swollen. I observe that those bulgy ones are kinda not-so-annoying. However those smaller ones are bothersome. They generate more jerks and end-up frustrating me no matter how much ever I slow down my vehicle.

This brings to my notice that all those so-defined big things in life viz. career, growth, planning, long-term goals, etc don’t bother me every now and then but when I come across pretty trivial hiccups, they make me furious and create a whole lot of aggravation within and outside.

These irrelevant ones can be anything like some one hurting me, no one caring about me, driver in the next lane abusing while passing, unsolicited advices, people (and also PC) not responding quickly, a friend not inviting me for a party / wedding, people not acknowledging my presence, no recognition for my work / achievement, people expecting me to behave the way they want me to behave, I expecting people to behave the way I want them to behave, so on so forth and beyond…the list is certainly near-endless…

All I can see is these things are like a bunch of clouds hovering over the Sun (which has a potential of sourcing out infinite light) hiding all its power.

The list of insignificant ones has created a lot of significance in my life – What an Irony!

1. One year.

Last year on the same date (19/12), I had traveled to a varied geography in southern hemisphere where I had never landed before in this birth. It was a place called Wellington. In the wildest of my dreams I hadn’t thought I would be stopping by that place anytime in my life and that too for few long months.

The place was new and so were people. This is common in the Industry I work. While putting my feet on the ground, I had a lot of queries floating in my mind but actually wasn’t looking for any answers as after nearly 30 hours of sleepless journey and losing 6.5 hours due to time zone change, I was looking for a place to doze off.

Well, this write up is not about my travel. Neither it is about my experience with the place. This is a tiny gesture of remembering those dynamic young chaps, who were nothing more than unknown faces before I traveled and soon became a vital phase of my life.

There are umpteen words to describe these pals, lots of experiences to share, many memories to cherish and a number of reasons to feel nostalgic but for a couple of reasons, I would like to apply brakes to my thought process – a) I am sure I would not be able to justify the thrill through the medium of words and b) Those who haven’t experienced might not find it interesting.

However, before I close my eyes and think about them, I cannot stop myself from taking a glance over my entire stay and what flashes in front of me is – Walking on the waterfront, Xmas time, Pebble beach at Napier, Bungee Jump at Huka Falls, Bickering at work, SRK, Driving thrills with almost all possible Toyotas and a Santa Fe, Cops and Tickets, Beaches unlimited, Playing with Map, Hogging over food, Taupo Tandem Sky diving, Pizza making, Monopoly & Cards, Photography at Dawson falls, Encounter with team India at the Basin Reserve, Busy eating Pizzas at Taupo forgetting starving Girls, Shopping at Cuba, Mamra (Indian snacks at Invincible), Smiley cards, Brainstorming with an aim of creating a consulting powerhouse, Late night binges, Movie-filled weekends, Dawaat & Tulsi & Hare Krishna and beyond, Kilberney temple tours, Metro on Willis, Lord of the rings, South Island excursion, Rugby and Cricket games at the Westpac stadium, Round the bay t-shirts, Mosheims,… O my God, the list is endless. I wonder what will happen when I start penning down an autobiography J

Time to close eyes... Love you folks…

Dedicating this piece with lots and lots of love towards all those wonders and our adhesively strong bonding

1. Religion.

Background: I am a part of an institute where we are taught about Religion (twice a week 1.5 hour each session). Last week, we finished 17 years. I thought of penning down my thoughts on that occasion.

I am not sure how much of this will interest you. If you wish, you can read in your leisure time (since it’s a long one). Please feel free to comment.

At the age of 13 (i.e. 1992 – Yes, I am 30+ now), religion for me was to follow some rituals, offer prayers to God and seek blessings in return. This was to be religiously followed but of course not at the top most priority. For instance, if I got to go for some urgent work, it was ok for me to skip the prayers as if God will easily forgive me. I never had any thoughts and feelings of priority and severity towards religion.

On the contrary, my parents would boast quoting me as a religious boy of the family. I would also think so to a greater extent. The reason being I would attend a lot of religious seminars, give a lot of exams, score great marks, publicly speak about religion and regularly be in touch with saints and dignitaries in the arena. This much was more than enough for my parents and me to feel proud about.

There was no focus of going ahead and becoming a saintly being as I had always aimed at becoming a professional and earn more and more money. Now, there was an illusion that religion can be taken care off (the way it is described in the opening lines) while enjoying worldly pleasures. This is the way almost everyone around me would live thinking that this is the way it is supposed to be lived.

Preachers would say – Do as much religious activities as you can and be as much religious as possible. These words would actually mean – Do as much (depending on my schedule) religious activities as I can and be as much religious (as per my comforts and convenience) as possible. The result of this would be ending up doing as little in the name of religion and flatter as much in the society and hence creating a goody goody impression.

Yes, at the age of 13 all these things would happen. I don’t say that it doesn’t happen today. The difference is being blindfolded, crossing the street, meeting with an accident and with open eyes, crossing the street and still meeting with an accident. Nevertheless, it’s certainly necessary to open the eyes than remain blindfolded for life.

Coming to the story - during November 1992, one of my friends asked me to join a religious class. With so many so-called ‘religious’ feathers in my cap, I agreed with an intention to check it out. There was this class conducted by a 31 something handsome chap (everyone called him Sir) and the best part was it would be only once a week for an hour unlike the other class I would go each day of the week. Additionally, there was nothing to mug up which truly fascinated me (again unlike the other class where they would make us learn and mug up everything in Sanskrit with no idea about the meaning and the logic behind it)

We were a bunch of 25 odd students in the institute and I started liking it there. Using several examples, we were taught that the soul and body are different; the existence of this being is known by the existence of soul and so on. Now this was like a revolution for me who had all the times learned and understood about God and the rituals to be blindly followed without questioning the logic since questioning was synonymous to doubting and doubting (God) would be considered as one of the biggest sin.

Who am I? We had to enquire about self. Never in my life such a thought had passed my mind and this really started captivating me all the more. Well, if I am Dilip, rather if this body is given the name Dilip, will it still remain Dilip after I die? Yes, the identity would but then what about the existence? Man! At the age of 13, actually it was a bit too much. However, it was thought provoking too.

Sir would illustrate theories using different practical examples. One of them would be a dancing doll example where in he would say that if the batteries are charged, the doll can dance and if they are discharged, the movement stops. Similarly, once the soul disappears, the body movement stops. Why it happens so? What happens to the soul? Where does it go? After it disappears, the body still looks as it was appearing earlier. So which part of the body was actually the soul? What could be the shape and size of the soul?

I would wonder – Do the above questions have anything to do with religion? Are these questions really vital to comprehend and supposed to be answered by someone? Is there a need to quit the existing world and start a hunt for the replies of all of the above?

Gradually, these sessions started becoming interesting on one hand and also routine on the other. The bonding with Sir and the entire group started becoming stronger. After around a year, Sir proposed us to go on a 3-day tour. The agenda was to discuss religion at a stretch. I was keen but also was a bit concerned as I was in my last year of school and my exams were just a month away. Still, I don’t know what influenced me and I said yes. I can say this was one of the best choices I made in my life. It was a fantastic experience. I started getting more and more involved in this group and adapted to the culture. There was one more tour during the same year and this time I was all the more excited since I was free from exams and studies.

Alongside religious teachings and discourses, Sir would always preach a practical way of life. In the backdrop of soul-searching inquiries and religious deeds, he would always put weight on a way of life. A person practicing religion has to be leading an honest and a non-hypocritical life and act his role as a human being in such a way that no living creature is physically, mentally, verbally and emotionally harmed by his existence. This was his definition of a non-violent and a truthful lifestyle. I was thoroughly impressed and influenced with this philosophy although to be honest, I don’t practice it to the fullest till date.

In day-to-day life, there are so many theories which one can implement and lead a life in such a way that everyone including self can stay happy and peaceful. To him, this was a pre-requisite. These theories did include commitment, dedication, sincerity, time-management, hard work, there is nothing like try, be un-reasonable (means do not defend yourself), harmless external behavior, lack of hyper aggression, not sweating the small stuff, consider everything as a small stuff , introspection of thoughts, self-analysis (daily, hourly), break the flow of excitement, don’t exploit anyone, Remember, my profit can be some one’s loss, live in present, accept things the way they are and the way they come to us, avoid conflicts – come what may, discourage corruption, cleansing of thoughts, positive thinking, ego eradication, smile & make everyone smile, seek forgiveness, friendship with all and animosity with none, become a helping hand, generosity, philanthropy, compassion for all living beings – from ant to dinosaur, take the responsibility – I am sole responsible, realize the difference between ‘doing’ and ‘being’, if I love to be happy all creatures love to be happy, if I don’t like pain, no creature does, no need to get stuck on the medium if you want to reach the goal, and the ultimate was “To sing a song, you need to sing a song”.

These theories were exemplified in such a practical manner that I would really love to apply them in my personal life and needless to say that it has truly benefited me though the thick and thin of my life.

Sir would always motivate and recommend us for enrolling in various self-help workshops & meditation courses like vipassana, visiting worthwhile places & exhibitions, watching relevant movies, reading books & articles for self-development and in short, everything that stimulated him and made him grow in his life.

Besides, there were many tours and pilgrimages (almost twice a year) that really would serve as chargers. Through the means of quizzes, debates, scripts, games, elocutions and discussions, we would learn a lot, explore the hidden potential and experience the bliss within. I did relish each of the outstation tours and also all the sessions and conversations happened during past years.

I don’t intend to break anyone’s notions or beliefs but in this institute of religion, with all credits to Sir, I learned that Religion is not a part of life but it is a way of life.

It’s been 17 years and I am still learning and shall continue to learn. There are no words to express the gratitude towards Sir. Whatever I express will seem to be exaggerative but factually and on the contrary, it would just be a less than a drop in an ocean. Besides, there were so many other people who supported Sir to a great extent and these people were none other than his own family – his son, his wife, his brother, his mom and dad and his uncle. From the bottom of my heart, I would like to salute each one of them for everything and beyond.

I would like to conclude by saying that all the positive side one sees in me is due to Sir and the engagement with this institute since 17 years and all the negative side of mine is due to my deeds and behavior. I wish and anticipate a life-long commitment.

Thank you very much for patiently reading through the entire piece.

3. After 10 years.

Today, I was thinking that after 10 years what thoughts will pass my mind…
I could list down the following ones

1) Do I continue with this company or time to switch?
2) Is it a time to switch the industry and get into other profession?
3) Shall I get married?
4) Is it a correct time to invest in stocks now?
5) Hmm, I will retire soon
6) What is the purpose of life?
7) Now, I really need to work out for gaining stamina
8) I should restrict myself from eating outside for a better health
9) Let me save some more money now and spend later
10) Wasn’t I thinking the same 10 years back? Have I not progressed yet?
11) May be, this is the right time to think and implement.
12) Once time permits let me take a break, go somewhere and discuss with self
13) Getting influenced is so easy

2. Passing Thoughts...

Last few weeks, my thought process has been killing me umpteen times. At the end, everything is useless then why do I wanna be this and that and what not?

Then there is a fight – one mind says “You are just procrastinating and being lazy about things”. The other says “The reason you wanna be this and that is to be popular and flaunt your ego thereafter”.

Not coming to a logical conclusion (as can’t figure out which mind is correct) makes me feel miserable and I end up doing nothing but simply get frustrated and lie down thinking everything is futile. More I think the life is empty and meaningless, more I get drowned in depressing thoughts. Don’t like to get involved everywhere and anywhere and then suddenly something comes up (work, social, pathshala, friends, etc) and I attempt to get involved and kill some time there. 30 years have spent and I really don’t know how many are left but I certainly do not see that there are many. What am I doing? Where am I heading towards? Will I be able to face the death head-on? How will I feel when I don’t want to die and will have to quit this world? How will be the experience when these many years of attachment will suddenly be detached for good? Am I lost? Do I still want to pen down more questions? Am I still looking for new words to add? Do I want to re-arrange all the questions after already arranging them twice? Am I getting a thought of how people will feel reading all this silly things? When I die, what will I take with me? Why don’t I understand the mysteries of self? Are these soul-searching questions or just the questions asked to get involved in thoughts and kill some more time?

PS: On a lighter note, somebody told me last week, if you kill time right now, time will kill you soon. I said – I will rather prefer to kill time right now so that time won’t exist to kill me back. It was pretty weird but we both ended up laughing out loud as we were happy we did kill some time :)

1. Passing Thoughts - A Verse

Today, I want to have all that I crave
This want will dwell till I reach the grave
Endless desires make me run and rave
Now is the time to stop, am I enough brave?

Don’t know why I don’t realize, I have all that I deserve
With the worldly influence, I just want to break my nerve
Running behind everything, I simply squander the verve
How much ever I collect, there is nothing I can reserve

3. Once upon a time...

Once upon a time…
I wanted to be a cook and prepare a dish
Affordable to all for fulfilling the hunger wish

Once upon a time…
I desired to be a doctor and create a pill
Have it once in your life and never get ill

Once upon a time…
I longed to be a tailor and craft an attire
Lasts all weather and survives water and fire

Once upon a time…
I wished to be an architect and design a home
That would stand against all, quake or cyclone

Once upon a time…
I sought to be a scientist and innovate a gun
Turns foes into friends and kills no one

Once upon a time…
I craved to be an engineer and construct a street
Connecting entire world so that everyone can meet

Here I am sitting on my desk, sipping fresh-lime
Haven’t been anything yet, dreaming "Once upon a time…"

2. Obituary.

It’s an immensely shocking feeling to learn that the most materialistically worldly person named Dilip Shah has taken a swift exit from this material world.

Although he seemed to be a pretty decently mannered chap and a well-wisher of his friends and foes in the society, was still a selfish person who always gave priority to himself and his philosophies. He would always motivate people with his pep talks but failed to implement the same in his life.

He portrayed himself as a philanthropist and a spiritual being but all that was limited to his outer conduct. He would believe in not exploiting people, especially the ones who were not wealthy but would never think of going out of the way and support them.

Apparently, he would appear as an urbane person with a ‘looking good’ mentality but he was filled with vices from within. He would always preach and at a very superficial level practice goody goody things like non-violence, truth, honesty and other humility and spiritual related stuff but that was mainly because he had an inner fear of getting wickedly recognized amongst his folks on behaving otherwise.

He would never miss an opportunity to clutch the recognition from anywhere and everywhere. This is what made him very popular in his personal and professional life.

He would always carry himself with a feeling of being indispensable. Unfortunately, he will not be present to realize that this feeling was nothing but a myth. The world will never stop but continue to move at its normal pace.

He would always love to express and publish his feelings on blogs by scripting write-ups and composing poems but more than expressing, his intent was of getting noticed and appreciated. This feeling was possessed by him to such a great extent that he was keen on writing his own obituary which could be presented in his post-death gathering.

May his soul rest in peace and we hope that almighty does never send him back to this world in any form.

1. Need - Opinions.

After reading through my previous post - Need, a very senior colleague of mine had exchanged a few words with me which I feel are worth penning down

Commenting on Need, Bhooshan says -
--------------------------------------------
Truly speaking, life is pretty empty, and we spend a life-time filling it with trash!!!

Dilip replies -
---------------
Life is empty and meaningless – is very true

However, a purpose added to it can give some meaning to it. Now, the perspective to that purpose is individual.

For instance, if I quit my profession and start a NGO, most of my folks will feel, I am foolish and filling my life with trash.

But that so-called trash might be what rubbish is for a pig (who thinks it as a feast).

The question is whether I am happy with Trash or no :)

The resistance, more or less comes from the outer world. When I see my self as swimming opposite of the flow (getting out of the rat-race), initially I will certainly develop a negative feeling – Will I not sound insane getting out of the rat-race, which seems to be the actual happiness people are longing for?

PS: Not intending to contradict you, just presenting my perspective :)

Bhooshan comments -
-------------------------
Swimming against the flow is also a rat-race, no body does anything for free...

The bottom line is to understanding how we operate, and how best to position our assets (intellectual, material & social skills) to the right purpose…

It is futile to think whether we have made a difference to the world, the truth is – have we made a difference to ourselves, day in and day out?

Dilip adds -
------------
Absolutely true sir..

I believe, when you say nothing is for free, it’s not only to do with Money.

One always needs something out of it.

I might be digressing but this is like – Each and every individual is Selfish in this world.

I don’t intend to say that being selfish is bad. Selfish is something I do to attain something.

Even if I feed a beggar and attain peace and happiness, I am doing it for peace and happiness and that makes me selfish, IMHO.

11. Need.

One has Money, needs Esteem
One has Esteem, needs Money
One has both, craves for Peace
O my Boy! What an Irony

One has Hunger, needs Food
One has Food, needs Hunger
One has both, wants to be served
O my Boy! What a Satire

One has Penny, wanna make Pound
One has Pound, can’t spend a Penny
One does both, still hunts for Joy
O my Boy! What an Irony

One has Shelter, needs Family
One has Family, needs Shelter
One has both, seeks Aloofness
O my Boy! What a Satire

Sometimes, life is taken as comedy
While, at times it’s all a tragedy
One day it all comes to an end
O my Boy! What a Parody

Suchit Comments -
The bard does not care,
For those who have neither,
Strange are miseries of fate,
But still does not make me any wiser!!

Dilip adds -
Besides there is one, who has neither
Thirsty is he for both, at least either…
Seldom found, who is happy with zero
I believe, he turns out to be the real hero

Suchit replies -
The real hero is the one,
Who has both but craves neither,
The world may be at his feet,
But its freedom that he is after!!

Dilip continues -
Having not having is all the same
Own and possess is all insane
Real hero is free and transcended
the body, heart, mind and brain

10. Seeking Forgiveness 09.

According to Jainism, today is the day of seeking forgiveness. It comes once in a year.

With regards to the same – During the entire previous year, in case I have hurt you by means of mind, voice, body, heart, brain and soul, I seek heartfelt forgiveness with a hope that you will forgive me with all your heart.

I will strive hard for not repeating the deeds that hurt you.

9. Can('t) Live With(out).

I can live with the current 2 bedroom apartment I am living in
My focus – I can’t live without a penthouse

I can live with regular food which is healthy and edible
My focus – I can’t live without the lip-smacking taste which I find only in variety of cuisines

I can live with the Toyota I possess now
My focus – I can’t live without a Mercedes C220 CDI

I can live with the Yamaha I ride these days
My focus – I can’t live without a Honda CBR 1000

I can live with my current earnings
My focus – I can’t live without earning no less than twice of what I am earning now

I can live with a few million I have in investments and banks
My focus – I can’t live without at least a billion bucks in my custody

I can live with the original personality
My focus – I can’t live without the “looking good” feeling

I can live with the simple fundamentals of life
My focus – I can’t live without boasting myself

I can live NOW
My focus – I can’t live NOW as I want to live in future which is uncertain

8. Different.

While scanning through a life of a person who quit his job to do something that he was passionate about, the thought process initiated from within. This was nothing new. At many instances, thought processes have begun and without even realizing, ended.

Anyhow, doing something different always sounded frightening with a feeling of insecurity most of the times. There was this inherent feeling. Are these people who quit the regular profession for some fishy looking affair mad to go for it? If this is the case, why people around me (including me) run after money and position? Are they crazy to run all their lives after it? If I dare to be different, will I be considered as mad too?

Is this the only feeling which stops me from doing something different? May be not. There are other things as well. For instance, if I quit and after a while I don’t like the thing for which I quit, how will I face my friends and family? What if the feeling of deteriorating self (with regards to worldly pleasures) starts haunting my mind?

These questions will only stop once I develop a feeling of being different. In my first year of engineering, did I recognize what will happen once I become an engineer? Yes, I had a feeling of being a certified engineer. On the first day of my job, did I know how far am I gonna go? Yes, in my being, a successful professional was already created. When I started composing the first posting, did I have a feeling a completing 100 odd posts? Yes, a writer within was already born.

Similarly, once my passion comes into being, it will nurture and thrive. Open-ended questions and endless thoughts will simply act as a reason to kill it.

7. Priority.

I was driving and someone from behind rammed into my car. Immediately, I applied brakes and came out fuming and turned around. Before I take the first step towards the car that collided into mine, I discovered that it was my cousin who was driving it. With a big grin, I greeted him. He smiled back too but there was a sheer embarrassment evident on his face. From within, I was still fuming which he would have comprehended as well.

What happened next is not vital. The analysis was all the more important and a good learning for me. Had it been some one else who banged into my car, I would have certainly taken him left and right. The incident was same but my outer behavior was quite dissimilar. Why does this happen?

It’s all because of the priorities set in my mind. In this incident, I preferred relations over fiscal loss. There are instances when real brothers fight over the assets and properties where as no where related people sit back and compromise.

Similarly, I need to observe and analyze what are the situations I come across in day to day life and my reactions depending on certain factors. This can also lead me to alter some unnecessary reactions. I may want to prefer a long term peace over short term fury, for instance.

6. What Next? - Opinions.

Request - In my opinion, before reading this post, going through the post below this one can be a better choice.

The previous posting ended with a question. Hence I got some feedbacks on What Next?
The most common answer, rather opinion was – Embrace Spiritualism. The other opinion was to just live life as it comes - as an Observer. Whatever happens, develop a practice of observing it.

Spiritualism sounded just too fanciful. For me, being spiritual means getting into study and belief of something which is a relgious tradition followed since years and includes too many myths and no logic embedded whatsoever.

Being an observer seemed somewhat canny. The theory was to just observe everything happening around and not to react with all the involvement. Whenever it’s necessary to react, do it but being an observer in its entirety. For instance, I am standing at the window of my apartment and a visitor car comes in and bangs my neighbor’s car. Observing this, how will I react? If same thing happens with my car, how will I react? If there is absolutely no difference in the reaction, I am an observer in its totality.

Whatever has happened has happened. There are legal ways (set rules) to sort it out. The consequence of using those ways might result in anything but certainly just reacting adversely on the thing that has happened is not gonna help. If the result is in my favor, I feel happy and lucky and if not, I can and do blame my destiny. Sometimes, I start with blaming others (third-party, government, society and law) but then end up blaming my destiny. Ultimately, it’s all believed to be destined. Hence, accepting the destiny is a viable approach.

In this entire process, what I have done is observed and accepted. I am not neglecting the efforts put but surely there is no logical trail. Had there been a logical and systematic action-reaction-result cycle, life would have been all set for me. All my actions with an intention and preparation of getting successful would have resulted in success. I always feel – I can do this; In my absence, this can’t be controlled; I have the capability of turning the cards. With this feeling, I get into the intricacies of joy and grief resulting from success and failure respectively.

“If I do something and as a result of that, something should happen” is ok but if “should” is replaced by “must” and in reality if something that was considered as “must happen” doesn’t happen, I get dejected. “Should” can be considered as being an Observer and “Must” can be considered as being logical. It doesn’t mean that observers are illogical. Logic, here is taken as something what I can apply in an action and always expect to get a constant and set outcome.

Spiritualism, I believe is not way different than this. If I live a life of an observer, I can always be awake and alert in my actions. I start believing that not everything (crudely, nothing) is in my control. I accept calmly whatever happens. Neither triumph excites me nor does breakdown result in anguish. Hence, I can live in peace throughout. The ultimate goal of spiritualism is to live and rest in tranquility. Worshiping god, believing in his words, following his path are all ways and modes of attaining serenity.

“What Next?” might not have been replied to any extent but thinking on above opinions of spiritualism and observer, I do have the reply to “What Immediate Next?”

5. What Next?

In the midst of timely-untimely, anticipated-unlikely and subtle-serious ups and downs, I can say my life has been lavish (in materialistic terms) over a period of last few years. Most of the times I did achieve what I craved for. By and large, I can quote – I have had all of it in almost all aspects.

Off-late, I have been feeling that I am getting detached with so many things I would yearn for earlier. I feel this kind of feeling is natural for a few reasons – I might have developed a momentary resistance; I might have experienced it so much that I don’t feel like sticking on to it anymore; I still am experiencing it so easily that I have lost the value of it; In theory I am prepared for staying without it but not in practicality.

Nevertheless, there have been a few jerks of aloofness which were neither intermittent not transitory but more of a lasting-for-a-while and regular. For instance, I would always love clubbing a lot but in last more than a year, I have hardly visited a couple of times and I accurately remember that I was not getting attached during those instances. Big deal (!!), as it’s really difficult - rather impossible for me to say just on the basis of analysis that how long this will last.

I don’t feel like reacting to all the situations that I would easily react earlier. I don’t feel like making a choice for all the petty stuff and spend time and energy after that. I love the state of being choiceless in most of the instances. I feel like accepting what is going around. I don’t see the end to this rat-race. I feel lost. I feel tired. I enjoy the state of being deprived. I simply strive to live life fully. Well, let me pinch my self and re-iterate that this is not an achievement as this doesn’t happen in its entirety. There are weak links that either go totally unnoticed or even if evident, I tend to stay with those.

As a common man, I would always dream of all those luxuries of life. Some of them achieved, some not. At this stage, I distinguish them into 3 categories – Out of reach, In-reach and In-between the first two. The things which are out of reach are like the grapes on the tree that hang at a height which is far more than mine. I simply eliminate thinking that they are sour. As a consequence, I feel stable and relaxed as I have taken that off my sight. The things which are In-reach are simply possessed and enjoyed as-is. The issue arises with the things In-between. I work hard to make some money to achieve and experience those. Lately, the In-between things have started getting into out of reach category which makes me feel happy and sort of, contented.

I don’t want to stop it here as there is something which is in-built and extremely dangerous. I want to maintain that standard of in-reach and soon-to-be in-reach stuff. I don’t wanna deteriorate myself and hence, a feeling of in-security always walks along. Although I am completely secured, the very thought of in-security haunts my mind more regularly than the feeling of the charm which is supposed to be experienced with all that I possess. Detachment goes for a toss.

Besides, as soon as I set a standard for myself and further scan through the reserved resources in my kitty, I feel like raising my standard. It starts getting far-fetched but I don’t realize it. I get into the vicious circle of hunger and thirst. Someday, I realize that upgrading my vehicle every 2 years is a good thing to do but the very next day of upgrading it fetches the same feeling of the earlier one, detachment makes a silent entry. I start feeling that this is the last vehicle I am upgrading. The benefits are really not reaped as they are supposed to be. Now very hardly pinching myself – This is not gonna last long and therefore, it’s not an achievement.

Supposedly, let me think what if this objectivity goes a little long way (and this happens too), with all my efforts and willingness. If I get disconnected with this world, where do I want myself to get connected? What do I need to do for that connection? What will that connection result in? What am I really looking for? Am I looking for a contentment which is never ending? Am I wishing for something which hardly anyone around me is wishing for? Am I looking for an experience of a life that I have never lived and am craving to live that experience forever? These and many other variants of these inquiries haunt my mind all day along.

At the end of such a thoughtful day, I really get so much tired that I just want to sleep and as soon as I recline on my bed, sleep vanishes because the thoughtful day might have come to an end in my perception, but not the thoughts. A day long hunt for happiness still appears as a hunt and now, before shutting my eyes, I want happiness in some form – be it physical, mental, physical followed by mental, emotional. Post experiencing this happiness, I feel that I am contended and can now sleep well, wake up fresh and get ready for a new day which will certainly be full of eternal bliss.

Isn’t it silly that I pass through the same phase each night not fearing that any night could be my last one?

What next? – is still a question.

4. In this world...

In this (material) world...

Nothing is ever better than bad
Happiness is being relatively less sad
Still I wait for being completely happy
Can I be called, anything else than mad?

3. Move on...

The wheel of time moves on with its regular speed.

Neither it decelerates nor does it stop.
Neither is goes backward nor does it hop.

There are so many things and incidents in life that either brings me to a standstill or makes me fly in near or distant future. Why does that happen? If it does happen, does it really help? Is getting stuck always necessary?

Can I not plan and determine to move on? Rather, can I not start moving on? Is it mandatory to cling on the past and stay there for a while without realizing the significance of the present moment?

“Move on” (and that too constantly with time) is the key. Something happens – Feel it, forget it and move on.

Be it a task, act and move on…
Be it a mistake, rectify and move on…
Be it a risk, mitigate and move on…
Be it a choice, make and move on…
Be it an idea, implement and move on…
Be it a race, run and move on…
Be it a path, walk and move on…
Be it an experience, feel and move on…
Be it a relevant thought, work on it and move on…
Be it an irrelevant thought, move on…

The posting ends here, time to move on to the next one :)

2. What am I waiting for?

In each moment, there is life and more
Go ahead and live it fully therefore
Smile, be happy and add to the score
Remember, there is infinite in the store

What am I waiting for? What am I waiting for?

All that comes along do accept and adore
Always have positive thoughts in the fore
Negative if appear kick’em off the backdoor
Think big, act bigger, target for a crore (slang for 10 million)
Think big, act bigger, target for the core

What am I waiting for? What am I waiting for?

Inside the ocean, there is a lot to explore
Don’t spend time wandering on the shore
Use to the fullest, body mind and the lore
Live a life that doesn’t turn out to be a bore

What am I waiting for? What am I waiting for?

1. Happiness.

Happiness is not absolute, it’s relative. This clichéd statement has been heard by me a lot of times. I do comprehend this but fail to realize it the way it should be realized.

How can “waiting for some one for hours under the scorching sun” generate happiness? On the contrary, how can “traveling in a luxury car on a scenic route towards a dream destination” not generate happiness?

Happiness is something which can be felt. Can I keep on waiting for the happiness to be generated and then feel it? By the time it gets completely generated, it’s all over; craving for next happiness initiates subtly.

In one of my earlier posts, I have written about asking a few people “When will you be happy?” In my opinion, the theory answer to this should be – I am happy now.

To add some practicality, I would like to go ahead and do 13-point check with myself.

1) Am I really happy now, where “now” is the very moment?
2) Am I confident that I have the potential to stay happy for ever?
3) Do I believe that no one can grant me happiness?
4) Do I feel that no one can snatch away my happiness?
5) Do I think that in the process of generating happiness, I do come across a lot of hassles and sad phases?
6) All that I crave, is it really required?
7) If all that I crave is required, is it required for my need or to boast myself?
8) Have I imbibed a feeling that if I look happy amongst others, I am better off and that is the real happiness?
9) Do I ever get a thought that making others happy is above all the happiness in this world?
10) Can I be happy enjoying oneness with self?
11) Can I stay happy with minimal requirements related to food, clothing and shelter?
12) Do all the worldly pleasures generating happiness makes me feel content always?
13) Shall I become happy and complete, once I have the feeling of an unending contentment?

Happiness is absolutely relative and irrespective of the answers to the above points, it is.

7. Rain.

I put on my striped shorts and a grey colored v-neck tee, came out of the bedroom with rug sack on my shoulders. My mom said – Beta, It’s a weekday and where are you off too? I replied – Office mom, of course. Before she could respond, I had already stepped down.

I had determined to ride my two-wheeled black beast to the office although it was pouring. I wanted to make the 12 km ride simply worth. It was a unique day as I was not at all in a hurry to finish 12 km of my journey. Normally, I would take around 40 minutes which is quite acceptable as per Mumbai standards – be it infrastructure, be it the driving conditions or be it the heaps on vehicles on narrow roads of a maximum city.

With no wonders, I encountered a heavy traffic just before the flyover which connects the east and west part of my suburb separated by the life line of Mumbai i.e. the local rail. Although thankfully there is no lane-following mechanism and particularly two-wheeled beasts are in fact allowed and supposed to find their own way putting all their skills and creativity, this one was no easy bet. I was motionless for around 30 seconds and trust me; this is seriously insulting for almost any rider in the city.

Anticipating this state of no-motion to last longer, I chose to get off the bike and enjoy the unlimited shower under the sky directly from the ultimate source. In the midst of tons of people, I was simply with myself for those moments. Enthralling experience, it was. The best part, ironically was still the traffic was at a stand-still.

There was nothing surreal about it but I felt so blessed when I discovered a bhajji vendor. I couldn’t resist my self to give him an opportunity to serve me and make some money. I grabbed a plate of bhajji (a spicy Mumbai dish) along with a cutting chai (half glass tea). I was delighted after digging the food in my stomach through my tongue where all the taste was experienced.

The traffic had started moving and with mixed feelings I hopped on the bike and started cruising towards office. I reached office totally drenched but was more than happy till the time I flashed in my ID card. In no time, I rushed towards the wash room, changed my attire and came out in my business formals. It was like a beginning of new chapter where I started feeling it like any other day, pretending that nothing had happened in past one hour.

The Microsoft outlook reminder for the business meeting was good enough to erase the experience and get back to the rat race.

6. I am that.

The very moment I visited the planet earth, I felt I exist.

As I started growing up, my parents and folks started fulfilling my wishes and demands, I felt I am blessed.

During my school days, I scored good marks and came up with flying colors; I felt I am an achiever.

A bunch of girls flocking around during my teens made me feel, I am loved.

I am a style icon was the feeling I had during the beginning of my youth.

My first job in a trans-national corporation gave me a feeling of pride. I felt I am a white-collared professional.

Umpteen parents wanting their daughter to marry me generated an above-all feeling within. I felt I am in-demand.

I felt I am the best and hence I got the best mate when I got married to the girl of my choice.

With an immense rise in money, position and esteem, I felt I am success.

The day my wife told me she was expecting, I felt I am a man.

I became a father of a lovely doll and that was the moment I felt I am on the top of this world.

I started putting several feathers in my cap with my new establishments which made me feel, I am a victor.

In due course of time, I started losing my health and I felt, I have no control over my body that I have always treated as the closest to self.

One day, I quit the planet earth and realized that I am nothing.

Irony of the situation is such that, even with a feeling of nothing, I am still attaching “I am” with it.

5. Mujhe aisi jagah le jao (?).

Dilip exhibits his hypocrisy by writing -

Mujhe aisi jagah le jao…
Jaha naa ho cell, internet na ho email
Naa koi raftaar – bike gaadi na rail…
Naa koi bhaag daud, na koi jhanjhat
naa ye badi duniya, jo waakai me hai jail (well, jail lagti nahi hai wohi taklif hai :()

Mujhe aisi jagah le jao…
Jaha ho keval sacche anand ka khel
Khud aur Khuda ka ho aisa taal mel
Aisa jo jeevan ho, wohi saarthak hai
Warna is paribrhaman me, ek aur bhav fail :(

Mujhe aisi jagah le jao..
Jaha ant ho jaaye is bhav bhraman ka khel

Suchit replies with an eye-opener

Mat ro magar-machh ke aasoon,
Nahi hai tere til mein koi tel,

Daal-bhaat ki baat kya kare,
Tujhe chahiye sirf pizza aur bhel,

Badalnaa hai to yahi khud ko badal,
Warna kahegi duniya tujh ko bail.(bull)

Tujhe kidhar nahi jaane milega,
Kyo ki jaa kar tu banega bandar with tail !!

Thank you Suchit :)

4. Ferrari & Mumbai.

There was this guy who would tell
If I have Ferrari, life will be all well
He got one and in its love he fell
joy didn’t last long, soon he had to yell
cos after a driving attempt in Mumbai
the only option he had was to sell

3. Dil se...

Bande ko hona hai safal har kaam me
Usey chahiye har cheez waajib daam me
Uski khushi hai keval paise aur naam me
Dikhna hai usko sab se alag, avaam me

Iske liye, bhaagta hai wo, jee jaan se
dartaa nahi, bhook pyaas aur thakaan se
ek hi prarthana karta hai wo bhagwaan se
Jeeni hai usko poori zindagi aaraam se

'aaraam' shabd reh jaata hai jubaan pe
jaagta hai wo zindagi ki aakhri shaam pe
lutaa di poori zindagi, jis haseen anjaam pe
hoth bhi nahi pahuchte, bhare hue us jaam pe

ye sab baatein likhni bahut aasaan hai
kitaaben bhar ke shunya ka saamaan hai
us 'ek' ki khoj hi keval parinaam hai
baaki, zindagi jeyo na jeyo, sab samaan hai

------------------------------------------

Khud ki taarif karte hue apna ye bayaan hai...

Baat sirf faayde aur nuksaan ki nahi…
Baat sirf raah aur makaam ki nahi…
Jo baat dil se nikle usme hi mazaa hai…
Baaki to koi bhi baat kisi kaam ki nahi…

2. Cause and Effect.

While conversing with one of my friend a couple of days back on the much talked topic of attachment, something clicked my mind and I started my lecture as usual.

When I want to get detached with something or someone, I normally tend to focus on the effect. I say – I wanna get rid off the attachment I am having for that person. If I give a little focus on the cause – the very reason of the happening of attachment, I might be able to deep dive into a different (or should I say correct) perspective. What causes an attachment is the question I need to ask myself.

If I strive to get rid off the cause, I can get detached in a more structured and linear fashion.

1. Like.

I was talking to one of my friend regarding one of my female friend and our relations. He promptly told me – You are in love with her. Before I say anything, he continued – Not accurately though but you are more of a habituated and it seems like love. In short, there is a thin wall.

Well, I didn’t even want to ponder this particular thought still I responded – When I feel comfortable with some one, I start feeling that I love that person. Usually my focus in on the result i.e. love but if I divert my focus to the process there can be some more thought given.

I want to divert my focus on my liking, my comfort. At times, I am so much engrossed watching a game that I just wanna continue doing it till it ends. I just like that very thing at that time. I really don’t want anything to happen or anyone to be around, not even in my thoughts. After it finishes, I might feel the need of something (someone) which (whom) I love.

This happens everyday in my life. All I care about it my liking and my comfort. If I don’t experience what I like, either I go ahead and strive for this experience to happen or I simply react and fight against what happened.

Anyhow, now I am not liking to write anymore and I want to switch over to Friday night celebrations with my liked folks :)

4. New York.

What is terrorism? This is something which I believe each one of us would know. Why does it happen? This is also something which more or less each one of do judge and understand.

Kabir Khan goes one step ahead and does some Root Cause Analysis on ‘making of a terrorist out of a common man’. How a frivolous university dude is detained by FBI and persecuted for nine long months with absolutely no fault on his part and going further, this engulfed guy decides to come back with a vengeance by spreading terror and as a result of that he makes a brutal plan. This is all about Aditya Chopra produced intense fare titled New York.

Although Kabul Express was a better flick in my opinion, this one doesn’t stand far either. The casting would have required a profound thinking. John is not that bad but either he could have done better or some one else could have given better justice as a protagonist. He is redundantly loud in some scenes. Neil, who is a potentially sound artiste, somehow fails here – mainly because of the weak portrayal. Katrina has acted well but her on-screen contribution is relatively less. Irrfan who takes the maximum footage, excels in the role of a suavely diplomatic FBI officer. He certainly deserves applaud for his performance. Nawazzudin shines is his small but significant role as Zilgai.

The music and background score by Pritam Chakraborty, Pankaj Awasthi and Julius Packiam is not-too-bad. “Yaaron” is nice, while “Mere sang” (minus appalling lyrics) is also decent. Aseem Mishra has handled the cinematography department quite well but still he deserves 8 on 10. Rameshwar Bhagat should have used more sharp scissors on the editing front which seems to be a bit overlooked. Kabir, as quoted above has handled the subject in a matured manner.

Overall, an excellent but not-so-exceptional fare. My verdict 7/10.

PS: Kabir, just in case if you are reading this - After making movies on terrorism with Afgan and USA backdrop, please do attempt a movie on desi terrorism aka politics in India. You may want to choose name of any city you like (as you have done with both your flicks).

3. Purpose.

All my life, I have strived
to turn in pink, that was blue
First, I tore my life apart
And then I attempted to sew

In the midst of all, I failed
To live those moments few
Which were rare and precious
Couldn’t be bargained in Lieu

Time to live up will come later,
That will be way different & new
All that mattered was running hard
dreaming of pink & making it true

Alas! Running came to an end
The only conclusion I then drew
blue or pink didn’t matter
until I realized Why did I live?

2. Money.

Paise ki daud mein zindagi khatam ho jaayegi and before you realize ki zindagi khatam ho jaayegi, zindagi already khatam ho chuki hogi

The above line quoted by a very dear friend of mine literally mean – During the money-race, life will come to an end and before you realized that life is coming to an end, it would have already ended.

Probably or rather most definitely, each one of us know this. What is the thing that makes me run after money? This is a very clichéd question I would have asked myself and others umpteen times.

The only 3 words that come to my mind are Love, Longing and Belonging. I feel these are the 3 precise things which make me run after anything and everything. It’s not always that I don’t want to live life or I forget to live life. If the feeling of Love, Longing and Belonging is more inclined towards living life, then that is it.

I don’t say that I need not long for money but of course my focus should be on longing towards the reason for which I am making money. Also, to live a “quality” life, I need to have money i.e. there should be some amount of money that belongs to me. Rather than money belonging to me, I start belonging to money and just love and long for it till the close of play.

Sincere gratitude towards Jimit who made such a pragmatic statement which put me in shatters but on the other hand rejoiced me too thinking I have still a long way to go even if I start living life today. :)

1. Opportunity.

Opportunity is a noun defined in dictionary as a possibility due to a favorable combination of circumstances.

I want to ask myself – What if the circumstances are not favorable. Does the possibility diminish? Is there no opportunity left?

Can I not create one albeit the circumstances are unfavorable or less favorable? The immediate answer would be – It’s difficult. I mean, it’s difficult to turn the adverse conditions into constructive.

Having said that, I would also simultaneously focus on the quote – Opportunities don’t just always happen. They are created. If I need to create something, at the first stance, I should refrain from judging it to be easy or hard.

The key is to consider the current situation as zero – rather than positive or negative and start orchestrating the way forward steps and come up with a Project Plan for any sort of opportunity I need to explore. Further, there are a lot of more steps involved towards research and implementation which is not the intention of writing this composition.

The purpose is to think about creating an opportunity and not waiting for the opportunity to arrive; neither waiting for the circumstances to be favorable.

Since almost 3 weeks, I was waiting for an opportunity and it was - "A very strong topic need to click my mind for composing the century blog of my life"

4. Excerpts.

These are not any great excerpts. They might not be worth your time. Still you may want to go ahead and risk it.

These days I am attending a training course and I just happened to note down some lines while I was feeling sleepy during the post-lunch session. Here we go.

We can add new table to the given structure. In the tables list, you have a provision of adding new records.

You cannot add a new table. You can add an extended or extension or explosive table

Ideal scenario is you copy and then succeed. You use the existing template file and bingo. There you are.

Modification is the key. Creation from scratch is Foolish. Fine?

You should go from Top to Down, not Bottom.

How do you create a development environment? Simple – Cut & Paste some one else’s environment.

Develop an local repository first. Use master repository and work on it come on. Don’t ask more now.

Go for a simple and better choice. It works in IT. Use Siebel something mechanism to do all work. How and Why is immaterial here. We have to have to have to have a separate developer. He is not merely an employee. He has to has to has to be a back end user. This is must. All needs to be done at the server side.

Initialize and Populate. Only 2 steps to be followed.

Odbc data source. Install. Ok? All data based yes, data based activities need to be taken care off.

When you install Siebel it creates obdc data base connection. How do we create a data base connection? Good question but then google it. Google helps.

What is mobile client? For this, google merely won’t help. Use Google Mobile

Look at the screen. It is very clumsy. Still you got to understand it. No choice. All the access is given to you.

There is certain routing model to help the user who is disconnected. The other option is to use a GPS which helps in directing the lost user.

Ideally you will be login in as penguin. Just a user name. You human properties don’t change. Not to worry.

You will get a list of tables. Not all data will be extracted. Only migrated data will be visible, that too after the immigration checks done.

First check out and once the work is done, check in. It’s free. It’s ok if you don’t have a credit card.

There is a lab exercise for it but not sure if you will be interested. If you like, please do else take a tea break. Do come if you wish and if you have finished 8 hours, you may want to go home.

3. 30.

Turning 30 today doesn’t make me feel happy. So What? It’s still my day and I want to enjoy it to the fullest with more and more life to encounter each day, each moment. Quite contradictory, huh! Nothing strange about it, I am such and have always been making contradictory statements over three decades of my life. Here is one more.

Nevertheless, on one hand I don’t feel that past 3 decades have been significant but on the other, they were neither trivial as well. It’s all relative.

Especially, when I start comparing my self with peers, the very first thought of staying behind in the rat-race makes me feel dejected. Still, I see myself way ahead of others for the reasons that are considered to be quite neglected – be it happiness, love, entertainment, luxury, spending (some may say, wasting) money, illogical decisions, strong craving for Merc C220 CDI in these tough times, etc. Well, I don’t intend to say that people don’t crave for happiness or love or luxury. Neither do I say that there are no other people who are ahead of me in that. It’s just a thought that passes through my mind today.

Unaware of my goal, Ignorant about the purpose of life, I am just letting the time flow and living it to the extent I feel the best. Hence, I don’t feel like making any resolutions and doing any analysis about the past, present and future.

Just wanna wish my self a very happy birthday :-)

2. Dincharya (Daily Routine).

Subah uthte ki Aaj Tak pe dhamaal
Aur phir Red FM pe Malishka ka kamaal

Sho-sha kartey hue bike pe 6 km ka safar
Tez raftaar se, 15 minute pe office me enter

Bombay times pe gossip ki bahaar
Chai tapri pe IT Industry ke samachaar

Waha se lautke ke karo mail-a-maili khoob
Kaam ke sivaa har cheez me jaao doob

Itne me bajti pet me bhookh ki ghanti tin-tin
Lunch ke liye sidhe pahuchna canteen

Post-lunch karna aankhen khol ke aaram
Kuch hi der me bajta 4 baje ka Tea-Alarm

Chai pe samay phir wahi chatar-patar
Aur plans banana, kya karege jaake ghar

Kuch plan naa bhi bane to doston se milna
Idhar-udhar ki baatein aur sadko pe khaana peena

Phir ghar aake TV Phone aur Internet me khona
Late night tak jaagke, complete thak se sona

1. Regular.

In a couple of weeks, I will finish 2 years of blogging. Nothing significant about it, but it really soothes me when I reckon I have been regular at least in blogging if not anything else.

Well, obviously for not good reason I have always enjoyed blogging as almost all my blogs are written as a free flow and un-edited before publish.

There are times when I do set a target for blogging – as in I will write a certain number of blogs during the current calendar month or I will finish 100 blogs before I finish 2 years of blogging and so on. In ideal world, that really doesn’t work for me although I make it work. As blogging is more of a passion-oriented activity, I tend to reset the targets after setting them. This is the way I enjoy blogging and I want to do so for the rest of my life as a blogger.

Since I have been blogging, I have learned that setting targets and goals is one thing and having passion for the same is something that always supersedes. Had this not been true, I would have never come up with so many blogs. Well 96 is no big a number but still, I feel it is. :)

3. Destiny.

There are people who believe in destiny and who don’t. I reckon most of them belong to another category, who blame in to destiny when they fail and take all the credit in case of success. Hence, in case of failure, they believe in destiny and in case of success, they are totally against it.

I haven’t analysed yet for my self but I want destiny to play a vital role when it comes to me.

If anything fails, I want to blame it on me. The 2 advantages I see are – 1) I will feel responsible for my acts and 2) I will strive and achieve success in the next iteration. Both the advantages are intermingled though. The idea is to overcome the ‘give up’ attitude and achieve what I had planned to (which becomes what I am supposed to)

If I achieve success, I want destiny to take the credit. This will make me feel egoless. Also, in stead of going gaga over it, I will resume to strive harder towards another or a bigger goal in perspective.

Initiation of write this blog was my effort. If you like it, it’s my destiny and if you don’t I am responsible. Any which ways, I will continue writing without hesitation.

2. Fun.

in the quiets of wellington
under bright and shining sun
my thoughts take me on a ride
making me feel, life is fun

although, desire is to return
to the place where life begun,
nothing should stop me from livin
this moment, which'll neva come

may continue, if i feel like... :)

1. Existence.

I know, I exist. Is that all? What do I exist as? Does sound, pretty weird but that’s a passing thought I encounter many a times.

How do I define my existence? What is something which makes me feel, I exist?

Of course, there are umpteen ways but then why these ways keep on changing intermittently?

If I just sit back and think, I feel I am just a structure of flesh and bones with an in-built mechanism that keeps me up, awake, speaking, viewing, hearing, running, walking, feeling and ultimately sitting back and thinking.

Who has built this mechanism? Why is this mechanism such?

Do I simply think about me ‘thinking’? Do I simply feel about me ‘feeling’? Does my existence go away with death? What is something that exactly happens when I die? What actually dies? Who actually dies? If I die, then what is I?

Who is making me ask these questions? Is it I? If it is, then why does I have no answers about something that is I?

Ultimately, why do I need answers? Why do such thoughts arise? What / Who controls all this?

I don’t want to define my existence, I just want to define existence. I know, I am confused and this write up doesn’t make sense. Still, I feel like posting it.

1. Within.

How do I define lose and win?
Where do I end and where begin?
All that I have done all my life
How do I categorize in merit and Sin?

Most of the times, I choose not to lean
The way I wish and feel, I should be seen
I want to be selfish and still think about
Entire world turning to be pink and green

What I do crave for & from the outer world
Isn’t that already very much within?

7. Blorgasm.

Wait. Don’t open your dictionary. There ain’t any such word anywhere in any dictionary. This is what I have derived from 2 words that really interest me theoretically as well as practically. They are 1. Blog and 2. Orgasm.

Whenever I start composing a blog – be it a poem or a prose, I always want to finish it in one go. That gives me the maximum satisfaction. Here is where the idea of blorgasm germinates.

I do strive for the satisfaction, that too maximum and also at one go. Besides, I want to enjoy every bit of the effort I put in for achieving the ultimate. Does it sound similar to 2.? :)

Nothing to feel more while feeling the Blorgasm cos at the end of it the craving does't burn up immediately. Hence, time to stop writing now as go to feel the blorgasm for a while. :)

6. Attachment.

I always realize the attachment with someone or something when I am away from that particular someone or something.

The above line sounds pretty much clichéd, yet true. In past 8 odd years, I have been hopping over various parts of the world and staying back for a while at most of the places.

During each of my stay, I knew that my stay is more of a transitory. Sooner or later, I will be moving back to Mumbai, the place where I have been born, buttered and raised with an inherent attachment clinging around. This particular feeling never created any attachment for any geography except Mumbai.

Migrating to any place starts with an initial feeling of high expectations about the place and it really fascinates, most of the times. Here is the journey which follows. Fascination – Initial wonders – Disappointment – Dislike – Grumbling – Getting used to – Start Feeling good – Towards Attachment (but not really) – Separation.

Hence, when I had to leave the place (i.e. the Separation phase) and relocate myself back to Mumbai, the feeling of getting re-connected to Mumbai always excessively superseded over getting disconnected from the particular geography; be it the place, people, relations, likes, habits, money or anything silly or significant – no matter what.

The willingness of relocating to Mumbai and re-connecting to my so called “world” which encompasses of friends, family, likes, dislikes, hobbies, habits, money, etc has by and large always been such an immense attachment and has carried away to such an extent till date that a slight feeling of getting disconnected from it puts me in shatters.

One day, a “have to” will overtake all the “want to’s” and I will not even be left with any scope of thinking on – Why, How and What next?

Note: “have to” - have to quit this world leaving everything behind.

PS: Vishy, it was great to have a conversation today which also helped me put this dwelling-since-long thought on blog. Also, your blog “You don't move away..” gave me precise insight.

5. Anger.

Anger is an area where I have worked upon a lot of times. When I refer to an area where I have worked a lot of times, it usually means that I haven't been successful till date. :)

Recently received a very very nice forward from a friend. Have posted it on
http://my-likes.blogspot.com/2009/02/anger.html

I would always feel that Anger Eradication is a vital thing and hence my focus was always on avoiding the things that usually made me angry.

Needless to say, that never worked. It's like saying - I never ever get angry unless such situations arise and/or unless some one is really being nasty with me and triggering then anger within.

The forward email from my friend is certainly an eye-opener in the anger arena. Implementation is the only key.

To start with, Anger, I believe is usually gonna pop-up from within depending on the external situation. At that instance, Anger Management is more important than Eradication.

Well, let me attempt to implement first and then pen down my experiences.
Prolly, shall come up with "Anger - Extended" sometime :)

4. Regret.

“Marry, and you will regret it. Do not marry, and you will also regret it. Laugh at the stupidities of the world, and you will regret it; weep over them, and you will also regret it. Trust a girl, and you will regret it. Do not trust her, and you will also regret it. … Hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way. This, gentlemen, is the quintessence of all the wisdom of life.” - says Soren Kierkegaard in Either/Or.

Almost Impeccable lines I feel. Just one thing – I may want to replace regret by futile. But from one perspective, there is always a hidden regret behind things which I believe to be futile 

Thank you so much Vishal and Suchit for Sharing and giving Inputs respectively.

3. Best Day.

Best day of my life is yet to come.
I expect it as no worries & just fun.

Day and night, relentlessly I run
So as to achieve, all that I yearn

I feel, with all money that I earn
I’ll buy everything under the sun

Once I have all in my possession
I start feeling I am the complete one

But new longing has already begun
Status has changed back to ‘none’

Why do I turn my life into pun?
When I can happily survive with bun

Living in present is the best option
Hence, today is the best day to reckon

2. Passion.

The lust for comforts murders the passion of the soul -Kahlil Gibran.

To begin with, I need to pen down the passion of the soul. There are many when I simply give it a thought. How far I wanna go is the real question.

For instance, if writing is my passion, what exactly I want to do in this area? The answer, probably, could be “I should write regularly, compose a book, publish it, and start with a new book and so on”. How long is this passion gonna last? May be after a while, it will start getting monotonous. I might even start losing interest and think of shifting the passion. Simultaneously, the yearning for comforts and luxuries might gradually start taking the front seat.

To fulfil the lust for comforts, the primary resource is Money. To possess Money, I need to earn it and to earn, I need to work. This is quite a linear process. This process does seem stagnant over a period of time but then the lust for comforts and luxuries makes me feel the need for running more and more to survive in the bloodthirsty environment. Practically, this is where I tend to forget about my comforts and just focus on slogging hard and minting money.

Some day, I sit back, relax and ask a question to myself – What am I doing? Is it a dream life I am living? Am I enjoying my earned money? How am I enjoying my comforts, luxuries, material possession and overall, social life? Have my hobby ideas gone for a toss? Ah! Where has the love for my passions vanished?

Too many questions start popping up. For instance, did I not want to learn playing a guitar? Or had I ever thought of shaping up my body?

These thoughts dwell on the mind for a while; most of the times followed by making ad hoc plans, thinking about the milestones and accomplishments related to the passion of the soul.

A pearl white Mercedes Benz C220 CDI fleeting in front of my eyes followed by triggering a lust for its possession murders the passion of the soul.

1. Rishtaa.

Dilip Says:

Koi mujhe bataye……
Roti aur Bhookh ka kya hai rishtaa..
Pyaar aur Jism ka kya hai naata…
Paise se Khushi kaise hai milti
Dimaag pe dil ki kyon nahi chalti?

Suchit Says:

Roti khaye toh bhookh jaaye,
Jism ke maadhyam se aadmi pyaar paaye,
Paise karo kharch toh khushi milegi,
Dil ko aaye attack toh dimaag ki bhi chalegi

8. Talaash.

aaj kya kuch nahi hai mere paas
phir bhi rahi adhuri ye pyaas
kuch naya paane ke hai khwaab
hardin harpal badhti hai aas

aaj bhi hai mujhe...
...kisi cheez ki talaash

daudte bhaagte phool jaaye saans
rukna mujhe kabhi naa aaye raaz
paa kar sab hota dil baag baag
kho jaye kuch, ho jaata naraaz

aaj bhi hai mujhe...
...kisi cheez ki talaash

bhugatne ka samay hota barbaad
jama karne me juta, dil-o-dimaag
aise hi guzarte mahine aur saal
phir bhi dil se nikalti ek awaaz

aaj bhi hai mujhe...
...kisi cheez ki talaash

sab kuch haasil karne ke baad
gar kuch sadaa rehta janaab
naa hota dukhi naa koi sukhi
dukh ke ant pe hota sukh ka aaghaaz....

ye sab sochkar bhi, samay kar raha hun naash
kyonki, aaj bhi hai mujhe...kisi cheez ki talaash

7. Dream.

This morning I caught up with a friend on my way to office. There was a subtle stillness for a while. Most of the times I agree with Eckhart Tolle who says – Stillness Speaks but at times the silence is so very killing that I enforce my within to speak out loud although I have nothing significant to say.

Anyhow, I wanted to break the silence and I started with a sentence. You know what I had this dream last night where I met you and others in the hotel where we reside.

He nodded with a question – What exactly happened?

I replied – I heard a fire alarm sound and it was pretty much loud and consistent. I just put on my flip-flops, took along my cell and room keys and started stepping down. On my way I met a lot of friends and finally I saw you at the lobby. We stepped out together and were chatting a bit. Meanwhile, the fire-fighters appeared and in few minutes everything was fine. Post that, we jumped into the elevators and dispersed. I reached my room and hit the bed in no time. That was all.

He was listening throughout without a blink of an eye. Gosh! I really wish to be an amazing listener one day. We almost arrived at an intersection from where we had to scatter. At the very juncture, he told me – Dude, that wasn’t a dream; it was real.

That was preposterous. I kept staring at him while he quoted statement followed by a couple of questions – Unfortunately, nothing went wrong and we all happily went to respective rooms. What if something had gone wrong? Would you still have considered this as a dream? He immediately left bidding an adieu.

I kept wondering on the second question till the time I took my elevators to work. I didn’t get any answer but was left with a question. Do I just live in the dreamy world until death (which can strike anytime explaining the reality)?

6. Hammer & Etch.

The other day I was chatting with one of my friend about listening to spiritual discourses. I admitted that I am not a sound listener.

She tried to flatter me saying I must be concentrating more on implementing rather than listening. I laughed it loud saying I don’t think so.

Listening is hammering. All that is spoken anywhere and everywhere gets hammered on my mind. What happens after that? If I am trying to break a stone and I keep on hammering it, it’s gonna break for sure. What if I am trying to make a sculpture and I just keep on hammering the stone?

After certain hammering, a significant etching is a requisite for creation of the sculpture. This is more of a common sense. Isn’t it?

What do I do in the inner and outer world? I listen to so many things. Rather, I would say, I hear most of the things. Post that, most of the times either I forget or I make sure that I forget most of the things. Even if I feel it’s beneficial to me, I procrastinate and wait for another occasion (rather another hammer) to appear. I want the sculpture to be created just by occasional hammering. I don’t realize that even if the hammering is recurrent or constant, it’s simply not gonna work.

Implementation is etching. It’s worth noticing that etching is also a combination of hammer and chisel but the way it is used is different than plain hammering.

Hammering will give the rough idea of all the things. To implement the ideas I want to and moving on the path is nothing but shaping up the hammered idea.

I simply hammer my mind in and out
In due course, I am filled with doubt
What is right? And what is wrong?
I am still stuck and can’t get along.

5. Why?

Aasman hai neela kyon, paani geela geela kyon, gol kyon hai zameen?

These opening lines of a song from a bollywood flick “Rock On” literally mean –
Why is the sky blue, why is the water wet and why is the earth round?

Initially, I felt, why has a first-rate lyricist raised such meaningless questions?

Why do I want to run in the rat-race to make money and still crib about it? Why do I want to be grumpy about a no-money situation? Why do I always think of making fast money? Why do I work only for profit? Why do I always think that I have a hidden potential and never try to explore and exploit that potential?

Why do I want to grumble on a happy day thinking too much of happiness is also no good? Why do I not want to sit back and relax for a week? Why do I think that taking a day off without any reason and doing nothing is simply a waste of time? Why do I just keep thinking about the purpose of my life and do nothing about it?

Why do I feel reluctant to admire someone if I actually feel like doing so? Why do I feel heavy on head when I have nothing to do? Why do I feel that despite being loved by so many folks around, I am good for nothing? Why do I feel I am indispensable?

Why do I make contradictory statements? For instance, I want to make quick money but want to play safe too. Why do I feel confident in advising others and when it comes to me – I feel it’s not my cup of tea? Why do I anticipate failure more than success? Why am I scared of diversification?

Why sometimes even if feel so, do not pull out a penny from my pocket and hand it over to beggar? Why do I want to do a charity with my name tag? Why do I never want to be simply selfless? Why am I not ready to incur loss if some one else is benefiting out of it? Why do I always want to pray for myself?

Why do I suffer being lonely in a crowd? Why do I crave for a company when I am literally alone? Why do I carry so much of ego? Why do I want people to notice me? Why do I always think of future? Why do I always strive for a secured life? Why do I hate struggle? Why I don’t have guts to get rid off traditional ways of doing things? Why do I always feel like attempting tried and tested ways? Why do I always want to be ahead of others? Why can I never think of demoting myself?

Why do I never want to write my death certificate? Why do I never want to visualize my dead body? Why do I not realize that I have come with an expiry date? Why don’t I wonder about my post death whereabouts? Why do I never want to die? Why do I strongly believe that I am not gonna die despite being to a funeral an umpteen number of times? Why do I feel that the above six questions are pretty depressing?

Why do I have so many questions? Why do I want to still add more and more questions to this list? Why do I want to pen down such questions and further, why do I want to blog it up?

Why do I always just want to do? Why not be?

The questions in the lyrics are certainly meaningless if I don’t have answer to any of the questions that I have quoted above.

4. pol-IT-ics.

noun: the profession devoted to governing and to political affairs
noun: the study of government of states and other political units
noun: the opinion you hold with respect to political questions
noun: social relations involving authority or power

These are the dictionary definitions of the word politics. Politics is everywhere and literally everyone is involved in it.

In any organisation (be it social or professional), there are aces, kings, queens, jacks, jokers and other cards. Again who is stronger and who is weaker is a perception as each card has a potential to overshadow the other. On the contrary, the status does matter but then again it’s volatile to some extent and dependent to a greater.

The beauty is to win over any situation, if at all I want to. Winning over a situation is about being a right person at the right place on the right time. I might be the best barber but what if I am in the town of baldies. On the other hand, I might be the worst of the lot but if I have a monopoly, no one can dare touch my profit. Another classic example is Olympics or any international sporting event. Every country sends their best sportsperson (national best) to the event but when it comes to a competition with other countrymen, he might just stand no where. He was the best in his well but probably not in the ocean.

Coming to professional world where politics is pretty much apparent, I have been in the IT (information technology) industry for more than 8 years now. Initially, I would feel that here there is hardly any politics but as I started deep-diving into the industry I started sensing the heat.

I would observe people cribbing about being understated by superiors or overshadowed by others. This would be the usual comment - “I am proactive in my work but am pretty much unnoticed.” There isn’t any hard coded solution to this. The repercussions are - Some end up believing – it’s a destiny while some take it up as a revolution by daring to quit and either join another organization or start a new one. There are some who feel that the grass just seems to be greener on the other side and hence I am better off here.

My superior is further answerable to his boss. Hence, he would always want to save-his-back. He seeks the maximum (applaud) and hence wants to extract maximum (work) from his juniors. This is pretty much natural. While working for a certain project for more than 2 years I realised that things were pretty much ok with me till the time I wanted to work. Once I started feeling stagnant and requested for a project change, I was let down in a positive manner. I was showed some carrots. I knew those were the carrots which I will never be able to eat. Hence I was adamant for a change. This was dragged for a couple of months since the appraisal period was nearing. I knew this was happening. I had two choices – either to motivate my self and work for the same project as a result of which I will be promoted or to forget promotion and stay adamant for a change. I chose to forget promotion.

It happened so. I was release from the project at the very month of appraisal. Neither I got any promotion (which was bound to happen) nor did I get any good rating and subsequently significant pay hike. In this very usual scenario which has happened with many of my professional colleagues, I have simply seen people crib about not getting promoted and released at the wrong time et al. I simply felt – It was my choice. Whatever happened was a result of my choice.

According to me, this conclusion can befit any situation. This industry is more like a business. I am not a slave. If I believe, I am a slave (a dependent poor chappie who has nothing in his control) I will always be one and consequently a victim of exploitation and so called politics.

There are 2 things about politics – either you play it or simply quit. There is no place for cribbers.

3. In Transit.

It’s been more than 8 years I am travelling international. Although haven’t extensively travelled compared to many of my folks around; still I feel like penning down some statistical information (show shining).

I have visited 9 countries in last 8 years – (in chronological order) Cyprus, Canada, UAE, Egypt, Israel, UK, USA, Thailand and New Zealand (Currently, I am in Wellington, New Zealand).

In this span, I have changed 41 flights, experienced 17 international terminals (excluding Mumbai) and grounded in 18 countries. I have been served by 13 different airlines. Food wise, I always chose to be more of a monotonous though as I am a vegetarian and in most of the connections, I have piled on (that was sarcastic) Asian Vegetarian Meal. Other than this, had opted for Jain Meal wherever possible.

Here is the flying statistics:

2000:
Mumbai Bahrain
Bahrain Larnaca

2001:
Larnaca Kuwait (via Damascus)
Kuwait Mumbai
Mumbai Kuwait
Kuwait Larnaca (via Damascus)

Larnaca Frankfurt
Frankfurt Toronto
Toronto Frankfurt
Frankfurt Larnaca

2002:
Larnaca Dubai
Dubai Mumbai
Mumbai Dubai
Dubai Larnaca

Larnaca Tel-Aviv
Tel-Aviv Larnaca

Larnaca Dubai
Dubai Mumbai
Mumbai Dubai
Dubai Larnaca

Larnaca Bahrain
Bahrain Mumbai

2004:
Mumbai London
London Mumbai

2006:
Mumbai Paris
Paris Houston
Houston Dallas
Dallas Atlanta
Atlanta Milan
Milan Mumbai

2007:
Mumbai Bangkok
Bangkok Mumbai

Mumbai Bahrain
Bahrain Frankfurt
Frankfurt Dallas
Dallas Frankfurt
Frankfurt Bahrain
Bahrain Mumbai

2008:
Mumbai Hong Kong
Hong Kong Auckland
Auckland Wellington

2. Ghajini.

Just saw Ghajini at a theatre (a little better than Junkyard) at Wellington, NZ. Mumbai is pretty much better off when it comes to entertainment.

Anyhow, movie deserved the theatre. It was an awfully funny flicko. I am glad that Aamir acts in only one movie per year.

I might not be writing a review here. This is more of an experience. The 11 buck popcorn coke combo was the best. Neither the movie nor the popcorn was coming to an end. Thankfully, I got a few burps which I feel were enough to live without dinner.

Upside - The first half is bearable. Aamir has worked more on physics than chemistry.
Flipsides - Too many to mention. A stereotypical southie feeling was pretty much eveident during the entire show. I did miss Aamir Khan in the movie.

Go watch it at your own risk but I would suggest - Go in a group as I did.

Net-net, A short-term-memory loss centred flick worth forgetting soon :)

1. 5 years...

Today I step into the 6th year of my services with Tech Mahindra.
5 years were too long and too short as well :)

In a way, I am truly amazed the way I’ve been patient for 5 long years. I truly remember when I joined, Priti had gifted me with a pair of business formals for jumping into a new venture (we were in the courtship at that time) and I had commented – I am such an impatient person that you will have to gift me every 6 months for my new ventures :). That was my 3rd venture in 3 years of my IT career. I never knew I am gonna come a long way.

Don’t wanna look back but still I feel that these 5 years were pretty much action-packed and versatile. Across geographies (Mumbai, Pune, Ipswich-UK, Dallas, Wellington), I observed and experienced many shades of life.

Overall, a learning experience with a deserving outcome.

PS: Coincidentally, the day I joined 5 years back was a Monday too. :)